AQA English Lit help
I've done a question on the aqa English lit January 2013 paper, unit 2 but i don't really know what i would get because i can really self mark effectively. i was just wondering what i mark i would get for the response to the conflict cluster and i would really appreciate it if someone told me and also said how i could improve it 
so here is it:
Compare the ways poets show how conflict and war affect feeling about a place in ‘at the border’ and in one other poem from conflict.
The two poems ‘at the border and ‘the yellow palm’ use language to show how conflict and war affect feelings about a place. In ‘at the border’ Hardi uses repetition to empathise the narrow mid set of the victims of conflict, they believe that the ‘landscape are much cleaner...more beautiful… much kinder’ this shows the delusional mind of the people who have suffered from war; they believe that their homeland is much more different, however in reality they are the same. Similarly ‘the yellow palm’ also uses repetition, however it is to show that the same place can appears to be very different due to conflict. ‘as I made my way down Palestine street’, every stanza starts with these words and then explores the different thing the speaker experiences. This shows that although the speaker is waking down the same street, the constant conflict has changed the surrounding; this indicates that the war is ongoing.
The poets use the victims’ opinions and views to show how feelings can change sue to conflict. ‘ at the border’ shows how people think that there are a vast difference between the two places whereas they are very similar. ‘Soon everything would taste different’ this emphasises how the perception of such mundane things can change due to the conflict. The victims of the war choose to believe that one place is better than the other. Although the two borders are unspecified in the people, the reader can assume that they are going back to their home country as they have very passionate emotions regarding the country. It shows that due to conflict, it has led people to cherish where they have such as their homeland. contrarily ‘ the yellow palm’ describes that the effect of conflict is that everyone is immune to the consequences of war ‘ a coffin made of glass’ this shows that because death is so common that it is not feared anymore, therefore it is transparent an part of day to ay life. This point is further enhanced as it is introduced right as the beginning of the poem which shows that death is an important part of war.
Choman Hardi empathises that nature is neutral in the conflict, ‘the autumn soil continued on the other side’ this shows that conflict and war and all man-made and nature disregards them. It also highlights that although the two countries are seen to be different due to war which false feeling, the two countries are both very similar physically. It is only emotionally attachments form the people that se them apart. However in the poem ‘ the yellow palm’ Minhinnick uses nature to show how war is incorporated in day to day life ‘barbarian sun’, the personification of the sun gives it a very harsh and brutal imagery, it is also very contradictory as the sun is meant to symbolise life and hope. This makes the reader realise that war has destroyed everything good and indicates a loss of hope.
The poem ‘at the border’ shows that the perception of places can be illusionary, the reality is very different. ‘the same chain of mountains encompassed all of us’ the metaphor used to decried the mountains shows how although man tried to separate the two countries, nature defied it and are still united. The word ‘encompassed’ shows that people believe that they have reached safety however it could mean imprisonment. ‘the yellow palm’ on the other hand shows a very different ending. The last two stanzas sue imagery to represent hope ‘slow and silver mile’ the colour silver symbolises hope which could imply that the war is near to an end, even though it lasted for a long time. This is further enhanced by the end line ‘ the fruit fell in his hands’ the fruit can imply peace as it is previously described as ‘sweeter than salaams’ which gives a very cheerful imagery. It fell into a child’s hands which empathise that the young generation can put an end to the conflict.
The structure of ‘at the border’ shows that it is in the view to a child as it is very free and doesn’t have a specific structure. The language used is also very simple and blunt which could imply that it is written through the eyes of a child. In ‘the yellow palm’ the tone is very calm which represents how people in the streets are feeling as they are so used to the war.
yeah its kinda long, well at least i think so :s, anyway please could someone mark and and say what i did well and what i need to improve, it will of great help. Thanks
so here is it:
Compare the ways poets show how conflict and war affect feeling about a place in ‘at the border’ and in one other poem from conflict.
The two poems ‘at the border and ‘the yellow palm’ use language to show how conflict and war affect feelings about a place. In ‘at the border’ Hardi uses repetition to empathise the narrow mid set of the victims of conflict, they believe that the ‘landscape are much cleaner...more beautiful… much kinder’ this shows the delusional mind of the people who have suffered from war; they believe that their homeland is much more different, however in reality they are the same. Similarly ‘the yellow palm’ also uses repetition, however it is to show that the same place can appears to be very different due to conflict. ‘as I made my way down Palestine street’, every stanza starts with these words and then explores the different thing the speaker experiences. This shows that although the speaker is waking down the same street, the constant conflict has changed the surrounding; this indicates that the war is ongoing.
The poets use the victims’ opinions and views to show how feelings can change sue to conflict. ‘ at the border’ shows how people think that there are a vast difference between the two places whereas they are very similar. ‘Soon everything would taste different’ this emphasises how the perception of such mundane things can change due to the conflict. The victims of the war choose to believe that one place is better than the other. Although the two borders are unspecified in the people, the reader can assume that they are going back to their home country as they have very passionate emotions regarding the country. It shows that due to conflict, it has led people to cherish where they have such as their homeland. contrarily ‘ the yellow palm’ describes that the effect of conflict is that everyone is immune to the consequences of war ‘ a coffin made of glass’ this shows that because death is so common that it is not feared anymore, therefore it is transparent an part of day to ay life. This point is further enhanced as it is introduced right as the beginning of the poem which shows that death is an important part of war.
Choman Hardi empathises that nature is neutral in the conflict, ‘the autumn soil continued on the other side’ this shows that conflict and war and all man-made and nature disregards them. It also highlights that although the two countries are seen to be different due to war which false feeling, the two countries are both very similar physically. It is only emotionally attachments form the people that se them apart. However in the poem ‘ the yellow palm’ Minhinnick uses nature to show how war is incorporated in day to day life ‘barbarian sun’, the personification of the sun gives it a very harsh and brutal imagery, it is also very contradictory as the sun is meant to symbolise life and hope. This makes the reader realise that war has destroyed everything good and indicates a loss of hope.
The poem ‘at the border’ shows that the perception of places can be illusionary, the reality is very different. ‘the same chain of mountains encompassed all of us’ the metaphor used to decried the mountains shows how although man tried to separate the two countries, nature defied it and are still united. The word ‘encompassed’ shows that people believe that they have reached safety however it could mean imprisonment. ‘the yellow palm’ on the other hand shows a very different ending. The last two stanzas sue imagery to represent hope ‘slow and silver mile’ the colour silver symbolises hope which could imply that the war is near to an end, even though it lasted for a long time. This is further enhanced by the end line ‘ the fruit fell in his hands’ the fruit can imply peace as it is previously described as ‘sweeter than salaams’ which gives a very cheerful imagery. It fell into a child’s hands which empathise that the young generation can put an end to the conflict.
The structure of ‘at the border’ shows that it is in the view to a child as it is very free and doesn’t have a specific structure. The language used is also very simple and blunt which could imply that it is written through the eyes of a child. In ‘the yellow palm’ the tone is very calm which represents how people in the streets are feeling as they are so used to the war.
yeah its kinda long, well at least i think so :s, anyway please could someone mark and and say what i did well and what i need to improve, it will of great help. Thanks
On the whole, I think it's a good start but I think you need to improve on the following:
1. Your opening sentence is a bit too vague, try and introduced the theme without being too general, start by saying something interesting, for example.
2. Embed your quotes in a more seamless manner, they should read as if you've written them yourself.
3. Don't be afraid of the semi-colon, in your essay there's opportunities to use it, examiners love this as they see it as more high end punctuation and it boosts the sophistication of your work.
4. You need to cross reference the poems in question to gain the top band of marks, instead of addressing them in separate paragraphs.
Also, with regards to your self marking, don't hesitate in asking your teachers to have a look, after all that is their job, utilising all your resources includes your teachers.
Hope this helps, good luck with your exam
1. Your opening sentence is a bit too vague, try and introduced the theme without being too general, start by saying something interesting, for example.
2. Embed your quotes in a more seamless manner, they should read as if you've written them yourself.
3. Don't be afraid of the semi-colon, in your essay there's opportunities to use it, examiners love this as they see it as more high end punctuation and it boosts the sophistication of your work.
4. You need to cross reference the poems in question to gain the top band of marks, instead of addressing them in separate paragraphs.
Also, with regards to your self marking, don't hesitate in asking your teachers to have a look, after all that is their job, utilising all your resources includes your teachers.
Hope this helps, good luck with your exam
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by LilyZo
On the whole, I think it's a good start but I think you need to improve on the following:
1. Your opening sentence is a bit too vague, try and introduced the theme without being too general, start by saying something interesting, for example.
2. Embed your quotes in a more seamless manner, they should read as if you've written them yourself.
3. Don't be afraid of the semi-colon, in your essay there's opportunities to use it, examiners love this as they see it as more high end punctuation and it boosts the sophistication of your work.
4. You need to cross reference the poems in question to gain the top band of marks, instead of addressing them in separate paragraphs.
Also, with regards to your self marking, don't hesitate in asking your teachers to have a look, after all that is their job, utilising all your resources includes your teachers.
Hope this helps, good luck with your exam
1. Your opening sentence is a bit too vague, try and introduced the theme without being too general, start by saying something interesting, for example.
2. Embed your quotes in a more seamless manner, they should read as if you've written them yourself.
3. Don't be afraid of the semi-colon, in your essay there's opportunities to use it, examiners love this as they see it as more high end punctuation and it boosts the sophistication of your work.
4. You need to cross reference the poems in question to gain the top band of marks, instead of addressing them in separate paragraphs.
Also, with regards to your self marking, don't hesitate in asking your teachers to have a look, after all that is their job, utilising all your resources includes your teachers.
Hope this helps, good luck with your exam
Thank you so much, it helped so much
i was a bit confused about your fourth point, do you mean having both the poems in the same paragraph?Yes, i.e "The presentation of war affects both Minhinnick and Hardi's perspectives of Baghdad and Iraq, respectively, in that man's destruction portrayed through the use of violent imagery, interrupts the beauty of nature foreshadowed by the wars, thus both Minhinnick and Hardi express negative memories for Baghdad and Iraq..."
You don't need to talk about one poem in one paragraph and then the alternative poem in the next, you need to constantly compare and contrast the two, in the same paragraph, which is essentially cross referencing. If you decide to take A Level English Lit or History, this skill will help A LOT so learning to do so now will only put you ahead of the game
You don't need to talk about one poem in one paragraph and then the alternative poem in the next, you need to constantly compare and contrast the two, in the same paragraph, which is essentially cross referencing. If you decide to take A Level English Lit or History, this skill will help A LOT so learning to do so now will only put you ahead of the game
Original post by LilyZo
Yes, i.e "The presentation of war affects both Minhinnick and Hardi's perspectives of Baghdad and Iraq, respectively, in that man's destruction portrayed through the use of violent imagery, interrupts the beauty of nature foreshadowed by the wars, thus both Minhinnick and Hardi express negative memories for Baghdad and Iraq..."
You don't need to talk about one poem in one paragraph and then the alternative poem in the next, you need to constantly compare and contrast the two, in the same paragraph, which is essentially cross referencing. If you decide to take A Level English Lit or History, this skill will help A LOT so learning to do so now will only put you ahead of the game
You don't need to talk about one poem in one paragraph and then the alternative poem in the next, you need to constantly compare and contrast the two, in the same paragraph, which is essentially cross referencing. If you decide to take A Level English Lit or History, this skill will help A LOT so learning to do so now will only put you ahead of the game
Ahh ok, thanks i will definitely try and do that more often now
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