I&#x27;m too shy to go on dates

OP

I still don't know what to do about this one. I sometimes talk to girls from other side of the world as I know it wouldn't make a difference. Even joining this forum I feel like I can get my anxieties out and be able to socialise without having to worry about taking friendship to the next level eg meeting up outside of work. This problem has been going on for 5 years and I certainly don't feel normal because of it

Reply 8

Original post by Lawrenc spa

I still don't know what to do about this one. I sometimes talk to girls from other side of the world as I know it wouldn't make a difference. Even joining this forum I feel like I can get my anxieties out and be able to socialise without having to worry about taking friendship to the next level eg meeting up outside of work. This problem has been going on for 5 years and I certainly don't feel normal because of it

Do you have any friends?

Reply 9

OP

Original post by cole-slaw

Do you have any friends?

Yeah really old ones that I've known since school. I was more confident back then getting girls and making friends used to come naturally. I can only say I've got one close friend right now but old friends often drift in and out of my life. I got a few friends I'll see only now and again

Reply 10

Danny the Geezer

21

We've all been there (suprisingly me included :smug:

)

Reply 11

Original post by Lawrenc spa

Yeah really old ones that I've known since school. I was more confident back then getting girls and making friends used to come naturally. I can only say I've got one close friend right now but old friends often drift in and out of my life. I got a few friends I'll see only now and again

So do you not have any female friends?
Do you find it hard to make new friends?

Like, finding a girlfriend is exactly like making a friend. You meet up in the same way, you find a mutual interest, and then you start to participate in it.

Reply 12

OP

Original post by cole-slaw

So do you not have any female friends?
Do you find it hard to make new friends?

Like, finding a girlfriend is exactly like making a friend. You meet up in the same way, you find a mutual interest, and then you start to participate in it.

I have no female friends but I'm not shy around females in particular. If I was to try and make friends with someone boy or girl I would find it hard actually meeting up with them for the first time. I met a boy in hospital and we got on really well then when it come to going out for a beer or something I just kept putting it off. Obviously it's harder to get girls interested in going for a beer with you as you got to do a lot of chasing sometimes you don't but then again actually asking them on a date would be hard for me as it is

Reply 13

Original post by Lawrenc spa

I have no female friends but I'm not shy around females in particular. If I was to try and make friends with someone boy or girl I would find it hard actually meeting up with them for the first time. I met a boy in hospital and we got on really well then when it come to going out for a beer or something I just kept putting it off. Obviously it's harder to get girls interested in going for a beer with you as you got to do a lot of chasing sometimes you don't but then again actually asking them on a date would be hard for me as it is

Its not a date, its a drink. Its not a date, its a drink. Its not a date, its a drink.

Going for a drink is easy. You turn up, you drink, you say "fancy another?", if they say no you say "well this was really fun", if they say yes, return to step 2.

Reply 14

OP

Original post by cole-slaw

Its not a date, its a drink. Its not a date, its a drink. Its not a date, its a drink.

Going for a drink is easy. You turn up, you drink, you say "fancy another?", if they say no you say "well this was really fun", if they say yes, return to step 2.

I know I shouldn't treat is as a date. I'm sure if I was able to go on one it would be a pretty normal affair however I doubt she'll feel very attracted to me at least most women wouldn't. Women tend to speak their mind a lot about if they don't think you're being talkative and this is like my worst nightmare. It feels just like a wall I've run into for dating that I can't get around. I used to get nervous before a meet up with a girl used to heart race shake a bit when I got there. Just acted nervous to begin with. But like I said there's lots of guys I get on with just can't seem to ask them if they want to hang out. Such as at work there's security guards I spend the evening alone with at work sometimes and we always have a good chat in just don't want to come out with "hey let's go out clubbing one night" then get completely rejected. Why don't guys ask me to hang out? If we made plans in person I'm sure it would be a different story

Reply 15

climbing_trees88

3

Original post by Lawrenc spa

So I'm not the type to ask girls in real life out on dates as I just don't have the guts. So I would have thought online dating would be perfect however it is not as whenever plans are arranged to meet up I get too shy to see them in person. Is this normal? Please tell me I'm not the only one

First of I would point out that very little of online dating is actually online. Someone's profile sparks your interest, you send them a message, if they're mutually interested they will let you know and after some brief banter you organise to meet in person. If you're sending more than a couple of emails then you're wasting your time because, honestly, you know nothing about your real life chemistry and they could turn out to have a completely different personality to how you expect.

With regards to your predicament, I would say try not to build it up in your mind. First dates aren't serious things, they aren't about doing your best to impress someone - until you meet them you don't even know what your own impressions of them are going to be. Go with an open mind and try to enjoy yourself. The secret is that it's not just you who's nervous - they're a human being and naturally they are nervous too! If you relax and be yourself then they this gives them a chance to do so also.

Reply 16

Original post by Lawrenc spa

I know I shouldn't treat is as a date. I'm sure if I was able to go on one it would be a pretty normal affair however I doubt she'll feel very attracted to me at least most women wouldn't.

Why on earth not?

Women tend to speak their mind a lot about if they don't think you're being talkative and this is like my worst nightmare. It feels just like a wall I've run into for dating that I can't get around. I used to get nervous before a meet up with a girl used to heart race shake a bit when I got there. Just acted nervous to begin with.

You just need to think of enough things to talk about to get through the first few pints... after that it all gets so much easier. Just ask them questions and let them talk, contribute the odd opinion or anecdote here and there.

But like I said there's lots of guys I get on with just can't seem to ask them if they want to hang out. Such as at work there's security guards I spend the evening alone with at work sometimes and we always have a good chat in just don't want to come out with "hey let's go out clubbing one night" then get completely rejected. Why don't guys ask me to hang out? If we made plans in person I'm sure it would be a different story

You need to find specific mutual interests. Don't just go clubbing. Go and play a sport together or go and watch a band together or something like that. At the very least, ask if they like pool. Everyone likes playing pool. Once you have hung out in the pub a few times you can ask if they want to go clubbing.

Having a good chat in the first place is probably the hardest bit. You're 90% of the way there man, just find something they're interested in!

Reply 17

Madisonrose

2

Original post by JamesM96

You're normal first of all.

You should maybe try and get over the fear of rejection? After all the worst case scenario is that the girl says no and you go separate ways :smile:

No. The worst case scenario is she turns out to be a phycopath and murders you

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 18

Uberphuq

9

I kinda have this problem too... However I can talk to most/all girls fine it's just the one I kinda like I just freeze up :'( although we do sports and stuff together I feel if i told her i like her and she said no, the times when we are together would be REALLLLYYYY awkward.... Is this not true?

Reply 19