Is it better to be an honest "masturbator" than to live a lie..?
This is more rlevant for the males out there. I'm one of them and i know what its like. From the day you have your first erection which gives you sexual pleasure, to the day you die ,you are haunted by the desire to have sex. Your every day is taken up checking out women,rating them,admiring their curves,their breasts, their bums. Then what happens? you meet a string of girls, nail each one,get fed up ,dump them,move on. Pretty soon you end up marrying one of them. Its all fine for a while but then all those restrictions, controls and other issues begin to bother you. Again you are distracted by other women. You might even nail the odd one,start a covert affair or visit escorts.
What sort of life is that? far better when your feeling horny to just masturbate,shoot ,feel better and get on with your life without being a liar,a cheat and a decitful individual.
What sort of life is that? far better when your feeling horny to just masturbate,shoot ,feel better and get on with your life without being a liar,a cheat and a decitful individual.
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High five!
Edit: Scratch that. "Thumbs up!"
Edit: Scratch that. "Thumbs up!"
I think the problem here lies with marriage.
I don't masturbate though.
Because there is more to sex than just the stimulation side. It's being with somebody and everything that entails.
Evolution wouldn't have done a very good job in ensuring survival of the species if we enjoyed fapping as much as sex!
Evolution wouldn't have done a very good job in ensuring survival of the species if we enjoyed fapping as much as sex!
I agree with you, it all feels like a dumb addiction. Why are breasts so desirable? Why have I put so much time money and effort into moving my penis in and out of a hole? I can see why priests and monks choose the celibate path. it's all about gaining strength through ignoring your greatest desire and using that strength to achieve more constructive things. I was obsessed with sex and girls for ages but now I've largely lost interest. Far cheaper and easier to just masturbate and all that saved effort can be used to work on making money or fitness.
Original post by xMr_BrightSide
Because there is more to sex than just the stimulation side. It's being with somebody and everything that entails.
Evolution wouldn't have done a very good job in ensuring survival of the species if we enjoyed fapping as much as sex!
Evolution wouldn't have done a very good job in ensuring survival of the species if we enjoyed fapping as much as sex!
Before all you needed to get a nice woman was a few goats and be able to swing a sword. Nowadays women have so many demands that it's really not worth the effort anymore. You may call me a bitter virgin but I'm not, I spent years trying my hardest to get a girlfriend and have sex, failed, decided to pay, £2,000 later I looked back on the past 5 years of my life and realized that I got so caught up in this mad quest for women that I hadn't actually achieved anything. Failed university, never had a job, gained 4 stones, I really neglected myself. When I was having sex I didn't even really enjoy it because I was constantly thinking of how much I paid and am I getting my money's worth. If you say it's because hooker sex is soulless sex then I was in bed with a girl for free once (she was drunk) and I still didn't enjoy it because I was so nervous about ****ing up that I was too scared to even move. I decided the amount of effort required made it not enjoyable so decided to never have sex again. Since then I've lost 3 stones, working towards starting my own business and have done a lot of work decorating my flat.
Unless you're everything that a modern woman desires then pursuing sex is a waste of time.
Original post by 2ndClass
But fapping doesn't come close to the real thing 
nope, you just don't know how to masturbate lol. no one can pleasure you as much as yourself.
Original post by dire wolf
nope, you just don't know how to masturbate lol. no one can pleasure you as much as yourself.
Even just getting wanked off is better than doing it yourself though.
Original post by WGR
Before all you needed to get a nice woman was a few goats and be able to swing a sword. Nowadays women have so many demands that it's really not worth the effort anymore. You may call me a bitter virgin but I'm not, I spent years trying my hardest to get a girlfriend and have sex, failed, decided to pay, £2,000 later I looked back on the past 5 years of my life and realized that I got so caught up in this mad quest for women that I hadn't actually achieved anything. Failed university, never had a job, gained 4 stones, I really neglected myself. When I was having sex I didn't even really enjoy it because I was constantly thinking of how much I paid and am I getting my money's worth. If you say it's because hooker sex is soulless sex then I was in bed with a girl for free once (she was drunk) and I still didn't enjoy it because I was so nervous about ****ing up that I was too scared to even move. I decided the amount of effort required made it not enjoyable so decided to never have sex again. Since then I've lost 3 stones, working towards starting my own business and have done a lot of work decorating my flat.
Unless you're everything that a modern woman desires then pursuing sex is a waste of time.
Unless you're everything that a modern woman desires then pursuing sex is a waste of time.
Have you tried not trying?
By which I mean, don't bother actively looking for them, but maintain a social life, friends will introduce you to new ones and so on and so forth. Eventually someone interesting will appear when you least expect it. At least, that's how it worked for me.
Don't try to fulfill what you suppose is someone's 'demands', because there's a good chance if you don't have it, you're not the type of person they're into. Build on yourself FOR yourself, and let people find out who you are.
Original post by xMr_BrightSide
Even just getting wanked off is better than doing it yourself though.
now that is DEFINITELY incorrect, i assure you. you don't have to reassure the girl that she's doing a gr8 job or any of that superficial crap.
any possible pros (girl can stick a finger up your anus w/o it being uncomfortable (don't act like you don't want it yourself)) are offset by a plethora of cons, which are all related to the fact that you're putting your sexual satisfaction of another human being.
there are other examples to this: can you honestly say that you've taken a pleasurable **** with anyone else around, regardless of how much you trusted them? have you ever longed for a relationship with another person so much, making it out to be the best thing in your own mind, only to be miserably disappointed when you do actually get with the person?
some things are best done alone, and attempts at truly satisfying your sexual hunger is one of them.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by WGR
Before all you needed to get a nice woman was a few goats and be able to swing a sword. Nowadays women have so many demands that it's really not worth the effort anymore. You may call me a bitter virgin but I'm not, I spent years trying my hardest to get a girlfriend and have sex, failed, decided to pay, £2,000 later I looked back on the past 5 years of my life and realized that I got so caught up in this mad quest for women that I hadn't actually achieved anything. Failed university, never had a job, gained 4 stones, I really neglected myself. When I was having sex I didn't even really enjoy it because I was constantly thinking of how much I paid and am I getting my money's worth. If you say it's because hooker sex is soulless sex then I was in bed with a girl for free once (she was drunk) and I still didn't enjoy it because I was so nervous about ****ing up that I was too scared to even move. I decided the amount of effort required made it not enjoyable so decided to never have sex again. Since then I've lost 3 stones, working towards starting my own business and have done a lot of work decorating my flat.
Unless you're everything that a modern woman desires then pursuing sex is a waste of time.
Unless you're everything that a modern woman desires then pursuing sex is a waste of time.
Wow. It really isn't that hard, you must have been overthinking things - getting a girlfriend is no different to making other friends, except you just make it clear that you find them attractive.
I've found it easiest to just not try hard for relationships to happen. Just live your life as you would, and if you meet someone you find attractive, go for it. Meeting people with the obvious intention of sleeping with them just makes you seem desperate.
And now, I bet you will soon find someone solely because you aren't trying as hard. And you will realise that there isn't any special secret to getting into a relationship, it's just the same as how you would get to know someone in any other way.
As a side note though, 2 grand? Bloody hell.
Original post by dire wolf
now that is DEFINITELY incorrect, i assure you. you don't have to reassure the girl that she's doing a gr8 job or any of that superficial crap.
any possible pros (girl can stick a finger up your anus w/o it being uncomfortable (don't act like you don't want it yourself)) are offset by a plethora of cons, which are all related to the fact that you're putting your sexual satisfaction of another human being.
there are other examples to this: can you honestly say that you've taken a pleasurable **** with anyone else around, regardless of how much you trusted them? have you ever longer for a relationship with another person so much, making it out to be the best thing in your own mind, only to be miserably disappointed when you do actually get with the person.
some things are best done alone, and attempts at truly satisfying your sexual hunger is one of them.
any possible pros (girl can stick a finger up your anus w/o it being uncomfortable (don't act like you don't want it yourself)) are offset by a plethora of cons, which are all related to the fact that you're putting your sexual satisfaction of another human being.
there are other examples to this: can you honestly say that you've taken a pleasurable **** with anyone else around, regardless of how much you trusted them? have you ever longer for a relationship with another person so much, making it out to be the best thing in your own mind, only to be miserably disappointed when you do actually get with the person.
some things are best done alone, and attempts at truly satisfying your sexual hunger is one of them.
Speaking from experience, I've found another person doing it to be far far superior. You may disagree, but that's just what I've found.
Some of the answers here are so useless - God, I hate the internet.
Anyway, I'll try to give you a more constructive one as you bothered to take the time to post and it's a thoughtful question.
You seem to have 2 dilemmas:
You disagree with wasting your time getting laid as it's not really constructive in any sense except for getting off for a few minutes and not worth the investment
You disagree with marriage, as humans are naturally polygamous and have trouble fighting their DNA and end up causing pain to women, who have been brought up in a society where their worth is based upon how faithful and monogamous they can get a man to be
I think they're both excellent points.
As to the first one - I kinda agree. I am a woman and I get lots and lots of offers off guys - I take good care of my appearance, A. to fit into society's standards as it makes life a lot easier, and B. attention makes me feel good about myself - having promiscuous sex doesn't. So I don't really have a lot of sex.
As to the second one - I have often wondered about whether I want to get married or not. For the same reasons you give. Humans are polygamous. Why waste my time worried about a guy and what he thinks of me, when his hormones want him to cheat regardless of what a good wife I am or how spicey I try to make our sex life. Why not just spend time investing in myself, a career, making a difference and getting money. It's not as if women can't do these things today.
However, it always comes back to the point of why we have these urges in the first place. To produce children. I would like to have kids one day, pass on all my knowledge and wisdom to them, and I never had a healthy family life - so I would like to start my own family in order to have a family and show my kids a decent parental figure.
If you don't wanna have kids - I'd say yeah: just masturbate. Better all round really.
But I do - so I will keep trying to find a guy who thinks the way I do, and who is either incredibly strong and self-controlling (I am personally, pretty good at controlling my animal DNA - didn't get with many "alpha males" that women have the same biological inclination towards, the way men do with multiple women, even though I got offers) or I'd consider taking the unfortunate step of letting a guy sow his wild oats when he was younger, on the proviso that if we got married/have kids he'd stop, but the first is a much more preferable option.
I think you're clearly not ready to settle down yet and you should just stay single and masturbate or have casual sex if you can (again, casual sex doesn't feel great for women - but as long as it's consensual it's their own fault and it feels infinitely less worse than being cheated on).
Don't be pressured by societal norms into getting married and having a family - and ensure you are clear to the women you date that that isn't on the cards if you don't want it to be.
If you do get ready to be a father, I'd try to control your urges, on the basis that true happiness is always based on self-discipline, and not on fulfilling our primitive instincts. People get primitive highs from all kinds of things including greed and fighting - but the more you think with your logical, modern brain - the more happy you'll be in the long run. I do believe stable 2-parent families are the best way to raise kids, and I think if this is your goal and you focus on it - you'll be better at keeping it in your pants.
Anyway, I'll try to give you a more constructive one as you bothered to take the time to post and it's a thoughtful question.
You seem to have 2 dilemmas:
You disagree with wasting your time getting laid as it's not really constructive in any sense except for getting off for a few minutes and not worth the investment
You disagree with marriage, as humans are naturally polygamous and have trouble fighting their DNA and end up causing pain to women, who have been brought up in a society where their worth is based upon how faithful and monogamous they can get a man to be
I think they're both excellent points.
As to the first one - I kinda agree. I am a woman and I get lots and lots of offers off guys - I take good care of my appearance, A. to fit into society's standards as it makes life a lot easier, and B. attention makes me feel good about myself - having promiscuous sex doesn't. So I don't really have a lot of sex.
As to the second one - I have often wondered about whether I want to get married or not. For the same reasons you give. Humans are polygamous. Why waste my time worried about a guy and what he thinks of me, when his hormones want him to cheat regardless of what a good wife I am or how spicey I try to make our sex life. Why not just spend time investing in myself, a career, making a difference and getting money. It's not as if women can't do these things today.
However, it always comes back to the point of why we have these urges in the first place. To produce children. I would like to have kids one day, pass on all my knowledge and wisdom to them, and I never had a healthy family life - so I would like to start my own family in order to have a family and show my kids a decent parental figure.
If you don't wanna have kids - I'd say yeah: just masturbate. Better all round really.
But I do - so I will keep trying to find a guy who thinks the way I do, and who is either incredibly strong and self-controlling (I am personally, pretty good at controlling my animal DNA - didn't get with many "alpha males" that women have the same biological inclination towards, the way men do with multiple women, even though I got offers) or I'd consider taking the unfortunate step of letting a guy sow his wild oats when he was younger, on the proviso that if we got married/have kids he'd stop, but the first is a much more preferable option.
I think you're clearly not ready to settle down yet and you should just stay single and masturbate or have casual sex if you can (again, casual sex doesn't feel great for women - but as long as it's consensual it's their own fault and it feels infinitely less worse than being cheated on).
Don't be pressured by societal norms into getting married and having a family - and ensure you are clear to the women you date that that isn't on the cards if you don't want it to be.
If you do get ready to be a father, I'd try to control your urges, on the basis that true happiness is always based on self-discipline, and not on fulfilling our primitive instincts. People get primitive highs from all kinds of things including greed and fighting - but the more you think with your logical, modern brain - the more happy you'll be in the long run. I do believe stable 2-parent families are the best way to raise kids, and I think if this is your goal and you focus on it - you'll be better at keeping it in your pants.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Ruthless Dutchman
Have you tried not trying?
By which I mean, don't bother actively looking for them, but maintain a social life, friends will introduce you to new ones and so on and so forth. Eventually someone interesting will appear when you least expect it. At least, that's how it worked for me.
Don't try to fulfill what you suppose is someone's 'demands', because there's a good chance if you don't have it, you're not the type of person they're into. Build on yourself FOR yourself, and let people find out who you are.
By which I mean, don't bother actively looking for them, but maintain a social life, friends will introduce you to new ones and so on and so forth. Eventually someone interesting will appear when you least expect it. At least, that's how it worked for me.
Don't try to fulfill what you suppose is someone's 'demands', because there's a good chance if you don't have it, you're not the type of person they're into. Build on yourself FOR yourself, and let people find out who you are.
The "don't try" advice really gets to me, what you probably mean is "don't try too hard" because you can't achieve anything without trying to some extent. I stopped trying and now I have no friends whatsoever. Turns out that me constantly trying to arrange meetings was the only thing keeping my social life alive. When I did have friends you can be damn sure that they didn't let me within a million miles of their female friends anyway.
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