Gay relationship, parents don't know. Advice please?
Ok, so here’s the situation. I’m 22 and I’m gay. I’ve neverhad a relationship before and I’ve only ever had four brief gay encounters.When I was young, my mum gave me “the talk”. She basically said if I ever needto tell her anything e.g. me being gay, then to always know she’s there to talkto.
Last year, I told her I was gay. She wasn’t surprised, infact it was more like “about time!” haha, so obviously she’s always known. Unfortunately,my father isn’t as accepting as my mother so I haven’t told him. I do howeverthink he suspects. I’m 22, never had a girlfriend and never talk about love, relationshipsor sex. I am painfully private about that sector.
Just so it happens I have met someone. It’s going reallywell and I’m discovering new feelings for this person. The problem is, he comesfrom an anti-gay family, so he can’t tell any of them. I’m too nervous tointroduce him to my mum as although she has told me she’d be supportive, I justdon’t have the confidence to tell her. I know deep down she would rather I wasstraight.
I just don’t know what to do. I live at home and I am veryclose to my mum and dad. I work full time and don’t get charged any rent, so Iconsider myself to be very lucky.
To sum it up, I might be entering a gay relationship and I’mscared to tell my parents in fear they will be disappointed in me and look atme in a different way. Any advice please? Thanks for reading!
Last year, I told her I was gay. She wasn’t surprised, infact it was more like “about time!” haha, so obviously she’s always known. Unfortunately,my father isn’t as accepting as my mother so I haven’t told him. I do howeverthink he suspects. I’m 22, never had a girlfriend and never talk about love, relationshipsor sex. I am painfully private about that sector.
Just so it happens I have met someone. It’s going reallywell and I’m discovering new feelings for this person. The problem is, he comesfrom an anti-gay family, so he can’t tell any of them. I’m too nervous tointroduce him to my mum as although she has told me she’d be supportive, I justdon’t have the confidence to tell her. I know deep down she would rather I wasstraight.
I just don’t know what to do. I live at home and I am veryclose to my mum and dad. I work full time and don’t get charged any rent, so Iconsider myself to be very lucky.
To sum it up, I might be entering a gay relationship and I’mscared to tell my parents in fear they will be disappointed in me and look atme in a different way. Any advice please? Thanks for reading!
I know this is scary, but remember that your parents want you to be happy. probably a good thing to tell your mum first, I highly doubt she will be disappointed, and your parents will always see you as their son.
Would it be easier perhaps to write it in a letter or email or text for your mum to read.
Once you've started, you'll probably find it much easier.
Would it be easier perhaps to write it in a letter or email or text for your mum to read.
Once you've started, you'll probably find it much easier.
Original post by ShyLife
Ok, so here’s the situation. I’m 22 and I’m gay. I’ve neverhad a relationship before and I’ve only ever had four brief gay encounters.When I was young, my mum gave me “the talk”. She basically said if I ever needto tell her anything e.g. me being gay, then to always know she’s there to talkto.
Last year, I told her I was gay. She wasn’t surprised, infact it was more like “about time!” haha, so obviously she’s always known. Unfortunately,my father isn’t as accepting as my mother so I haven’t told him. I do howeverthink he suspects. I’m 22, never had a girlfriend and never talk about love, relationshipsor sex. I am painfully private about that sector.
Just so it happens I have met someone. It’s going reallywell and I’m discovering new feelings for this person. The problem is, he comesfrom an anti-gay family, so he can’t tell any of them. I’m too nervous tointroduce him to my mum as although she has told me she’d be supportive, I justdon’t have the confidence to tell her. I know deep down she would rather I wasstraight.
I just don’t know what to do. I live at home and I am veryclose to my mum and dad. I work full time and don’t get charged any rent, so Iconsider myself to be very lucky.
To sum it up, I might be entering a gay relationship and I’mscared to tell my parents in fear they will be disappointed in me and look atme in a different way. Any advice please? Thanks for reading!
Last year, I told her I was gay. She wasn’t surprised, infact it was more like “about time!” haha, so obviously she’s always known. Unfortunately,my father isn’t as accepting as my mother so I haven’t told him. I do howeverthink he suspects. I’m 22, never had a girlfriend and never talk about love, relationshipsor sex. I am painfully private about that sector.
Just so it happens I have met someone. It’s going reallywell and I’m discovering new feelings for this person. The problem is, he comesfrom an anti-gay family, so he can’t tell any of them. I’m too nervous tointroduce him to my mum as although she has told me she’d be supportive, I justdon’t have the confidence to tell her. I know deep down she would rather I wasstraight.
I just don’t know what to do. I live at home and I am veryclose to my mum and dad. I work full time and don’t get charged any rent, so Iconsider myself to be very lucky.
To sum it up, I might be entering a gay relationship and I’mscared to tell my parents in fear they will be disappointed in me and look atme in a different way. Any advice please? Thanks for reading!
Read your OP again as if it was someone else asking you, what would you say to them?
You are an adult, your parents no longer have to dictate everything you do.
If my parents had an issue with me having a boyfriend I would never talk to them again. Do what makes YOU happy, not what makes them happy. Why do their preferences come before yours?
I realise you live at home so it's risky but just be yourself. That's all anyone can ask of you. If your mum cares about you then nothing too bad can happen. Even if she was making it up about being supportive, clearly it doesn't bother her that much.
I'm sure you know this already but from one gay person to another: please don't live a lie if you don't want to. It hurts.
If my parents had an issue with me having a boyfriend I would never talk to them again. Do what makes YOU happy, not what makes them happy. Why do their preferences come before yours?
I realise you live at home so it's risky but just be yourself. That's all anyone can ask of you. If your mum cares about you then nothing too bad can happen. Even if she was making it up about being supportive, clearly it doesn't bother her that much.
I'm sure you know this already but from one gay person to another: please don't live a lie if you don't want to. It hurts.
(edited 9 years ago)
You either have to tell them at some point or you can plan to maintain the deceit until your parent's deaths. I know some gay people who go for the latter option. It makes them miserable and forces them to weave a web of lies. I know a guy who told his parents his partner is called Samantha, not Sam. This guy recently moved in with Sam and told his parents he was moving in with Samantha's brother. It just becomes ridiculous.
Unless your Dad is an outright homophobe and you fear being completely disowned by him, then being open to him is probably the best option. I would second advice about telling your mother first or writing a letter. So many people hesitate about coming out to the parents, only to find that went they do, the parents are fine or come to accept it in a relatively short space of time.
Unless your Dad is an outright homophobe and you fear being completely disowned by him, then being open to him is probably the best option. I would second advice about telling your mother first or writing a letter. So many people hesitate about coming out to the parents, only to find that went they do, the parents are fine or come to accept it in a relatively short space of time.
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