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Tough situation with a girl I am seeing

Hi all.

Last Friday evening I met a girl at the cinema through friends that I thought at the time I really liked so on Saturday we spent the day together and by the end of the evening we were making out. On the Saturday I asked if she had a boyfriend to which she replied yes but I have broken up with him however he still thinks we are together. At that point I think a lot about weather or not I should wait but I made my move that night anyway which now looking back was a mistake. We have been hanging out together since. I have kind of been constantly pulling at her strings and testing her reactions. For example when we were making out in the car I asked what are you going to do with your existing boyfriend to which she replied oh stop it not now.

We seem to have a lot in common and neither of us liked the film we watched on Sunday so we got talking.

I cant work out if I have landed a massive tart/ gold digger or a girl who is not happy in her existing relationship.

HELP!!

Reply 1

MNITJC

imo, it's completely wrong to continue with a girl that was in a relationship and is doing this knowing her 'ex' still thinks they're together. It's clearly not properly over.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

Calpurnia

Yeah, be seriously wary of this kind of behavior in a partner. If he doesn't think they've broken up now... further down the line, who's to say you won't think you've broken up while she's seeing someone else?

Reply 3

dreadpiraterach

This whole thing about "we've broken up but he doesn't know it" seems very fishy to me. Tread carefully.

Reply 4

az08

Trust your instincts.

Try to be the bigger person here and tell her that you cannot continue seeing each other until she sorts out the situation with her boyfriend.

Reply 5

Temporality

Original post by MNITJC

imo, it's completely wrong to continue with a girl that was in a relationship and is doing this knowing her 'ex' still thinks they're together. It's clearly not properly over.

Posted from TSR Mobile

In an ideal world yes, I entirely agree with you. But how many people actually behave morally when it comes to these things? In the real world I've observed people having more of a 'survival of the fittest' attitude in this situation and that all regard for the feelings of their fellow man just goes.out of the window. It's all about getting who you want and not caring about who's heart gets broken on the other end. Not something I initially agreed with but when you've been in the game a while you start to think you need to adapt to the rules. I think this is part of why so many people think there's no moral responsibility on someone cheating with a person in a relation ship, regardless of whether they knew that person was in a relationship and it's only the fault of the person in the relationship. In the past I was convinced if you cheated with someone you knew was taken then that was morally as bad as being the person in the relationship simply out of the harm you're doing to your fellow man/woman, but no one seems to think that way. People have become so lax on these things and there's a real culture of selfishness that exists...

Reply 6

Zarek

It is unpleasant if you believe you're still with a girl and later find she was up to shenanigans while you were going through hell wondering what is going wrong in the relationship.

This said it is pretty much the way of the world that relationship transitions often occur when one side only is ready to move on and the other not and there is a "difficult" period. Also I don't really think you could be blamed, the requirement to behave ethically is in her court mainly. Follow your instincts and what you feel comfortable with.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 7

C_tinie_D

Stop seeing her, it is so blatent her current relationship is not over. Also if the boyfriend finds out, you'll be getting some bad karma to say the least. End it and find a girl who is single and has her head in the game, not some bimbo that doesn't know what she wants. Life is too short for time wasters.

Reply 8

menor95

So this evening I have decided to meet with this girl for a hard talk . I very much feel like cutting the crap and ending it there and then when we meet. It could be said that we have a lot in common but that is not true because she does not have a strong work ethic and I do as an example of one of our differences. We like a lot of the same things but I know that we are different people but yet I cant help thinking that maybe I am judging the book by its cover as I only met her on Friday. Today I learnt that she runs so that got me thinking that she is not that lazy. I did not know this before. It was a quick and silly romance between me and her up until now. She has given me hints that she has split with her boyfriend so I am really not sure what to do. I know I have to bear in mind that she could be lying. Maybe she has mixed feelings. Its a tough one and even following my instincts is not easy. I was thinking about just casually hanging around with her as a way of gauging her real interest in me but I am really not sure where to go from here. Advice appreciated guys.