Kissed boyfriend's best friend.. now falling for him!
It would take me forever to write the full details of my relationship and our issues but I will try to keep it to a minimum...
Me and my boyfriend have a wide circle of friends at university (we all go to the same society) so we spend time with pretty much the same people.
Over the past couple of weeks me and one of his best friends have been getting closer, to the point where we've had really deep conversations. I'd consider this guy one of my best friends too. We also had conversations about relationships and we both admitted we had feelings for each other before me and my boyfriend got together. But we both said this had changed.
Over the weekend we were drinking and went out as a big group. When we got back, my friends helped put me to bed, and this guy stayed behind. It was just me and him. He began stroking my face and we had another deep conversation. He then told me that he still had feelings for me, had been trying to hide them for weeks and didn't know what to do, because he didn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. We talked some more and anyway we ended up kissing. Afterwards we just stared at each other and both put our head in our hands both feeling incredibly guilty. He held me as I cried as I told him some really personal stuff and he was so nice, telling me that what I'm thinking isn't true, how bad my boyfriend treats me, how I deserve so much better and someone who will respect me for who I am. When I think about it now it gives me tears in my eyes because what he said was exactly what I needed.
Anyway the next day I told my boyfriend what had happened, he has forgiven me but me and this guy have met up once more to discuss things and a way forward. We both admitted we still have feelings but we have decided to put them aside for the sake of our friendship.
However it is so difficult, I can't stop thinking about him. I see him almost every day, we are still best friends but I am constantly thinking what if and I just know he's thinking the same.
Any advice?
Me and my boyfriend have a wide circle of friends at university (we all go to the same society) so we spend time with pretty much the same people.
Over the past couple of weeks me and one of his best friends have been getting closer, to the point where we've had really deep conversations. I'd consider this guy one of my best friends too. We also had conversations about relationships and we both admitted we had feelings for each other before me and my boyfriend got together. But we both said this had changed.
Over the weekend we were drinking and went out as a big group. When we got back, my friends helped put me to bed, and this guy stayed behind. It was just me and him. He began stroking my face and we had another deep conversation. He then told me that he still had feelings for me, had been trying to hide them for weeks and didn't know what to do, because he didn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. We talked some more and anyway we ended up kissing. Afterwards we just stared at each other and both put our head in our hands both feeling incredibly guilty. He held me as I cried as I told him some really personal stuff and he was so nice, telling me that what I'm thinking isn't true, how bad my boyfriend treats me, how I deserve so much better and someone who will respect me for who I am. When I think about it now it gives me tears in my eyes because what he said was exactly what I needed.
Anyway the next day I told my boyfriend what had happened, he has forgiven me but me and this guy have met up once more to discuss things and a way forward. We both admitted we still have feelings but we have decided to put them aside for the sake of our friendship.
However it is so difficult, I can't stop thinking about him. I see him almost every day, we are still best friends but I am constantly thinking what if and I just know he's thinking the same.
Any advice?
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Original post by Nutella:3
Any advice?
Your boyfriend has forgiven you once. He's unlikely to forgive you a second time.
Original post by jay2013
Your boyfriend has forgiven you once. He's unlikely to forgive you a second time.
I know this and me and this guy will never be that drunk to do something like that again. I love my boyfriend so much, he has done stuff in the past to hurt me, and people tell me how badly he treats me and how I deserve better. But I have met his family who have been incredibly supportive to me recently as some stuff happened, they've met my family, and we all get on so well... whereas this guy I don't know his family, but I know we get on extremely well, have similar interests, and can literally finish each others sentences. But I have told this guy I wouldn't want to come between him and the friendship we have with the others in the group, it'd completely tear the group apart, and he doesn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. I know deep down a relationship with this guy wouldn't work right now as it'd destroy every friendship he has with my boyfriend and the others, and things just wouldn't be the same. But should this stop us from being together in the future?
Original post by vela1
Slooooooooot!
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Nutella:3
I know this and me and this guy will never be that drunk to do something like that again. I love my boyfriend so much, he has done stuff in the past to hurt me, and people tell me how badly he treats me and how I deserve better. But I have met his family who have been incredibly supportive to me recently as some stuff happened, they've met my family, and we all get on so well... whereas this guy I don't know his family, but I know we get on extremely well, have similar interests, and can literally finish each others sentences. But I have told this guy I wouldn't want to come between him and the friendship we have with the others in the group, it'd completely tear the group apart, and he doesn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. I know deep down a relationship with this guy wouldn't work right now as it'd destroy every friendship he has with my boyfriend and the others, and things just wouldn't be the same. But should this stop us from being together in the future?
Sounds like a very sticky situation. If people still tell you that he is treating you badly and you deserve better (ie he does it regularly) then you might be being blinded by your love for him, and if that's the case you should stop being with him. If not, also don't let various things pressure you into staying in a relationship with him like how your families get on and stuff.
I don't really know what you should do though. I have a friend who was one of two guys that a girl liked, and in the end she didn't choose either of them because it wouldn't be fair on the other person, so things can be confusing sometimes. Just do what you think is right.
Also, unless he is clingy, chances are his feelings for you won't stand the test of time if not returned. He'll accept that you're with your boyfriend and will have to move on/find someone else, and it's not fair on him just to keep him hanging with a maybe.
Original post by Pogostick8
To backup what I said further whenever i'm in the relationships part of reddit 90% is about a cheating woman, very rarely do I see topics about cheating men, also in the agony aunt section of the sun I always see stories about women cheating, very rarely do I see stories about a cheating man. "My wifes cheating on me" or "I'm cheating on my husband" are VERY common themes, i also hear it a lot within my social circle about women cheating on their partner but VERY rarely do I hear it the other way around.
Ahhh I see. Well, well done you for not being a sheep and staying loyal to your boyfriend then! You go girl! You don't need no man to tell you what to do.
*clicks fingers*
Original post by Nutella:3
It would take me forever to write the full details of my relationship and our issues but I will try to keep it to a minimum...
Me and my boyfriend have a wide circle of friends at university (we all go to the same society) so we spend time with pretty much the same people.
Over the past couple of weeks me and one of his best friends have been getting closer, to the point where we've had really deep conversations. I'd consider this guy one of my best friends too. We also had conversations about relationships and we both admitted we had feelings for each other before me and my boyfriend got together. But we both said this had changed.
Over the weekend we were drinking and went out as a big group. When we got back, my friends helped put me to bed, and this guy stayed behind. It was just me and him. He began stroking my face and we had another deep conversation. He then told me that he still had feelings for me, had been trying to hide them for weeks and didn't know what to do, because he didn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. We talked some more and anyway we ended up kissing. Afterwards we just stared at each other and both put our head in our hands both feeling incredibly guilty. He held me as I cried as I told him some really personal stuff and he was so nice, telling me that what I'm thinking isn't true, how bad my boyfriend treats me, how I deserve so much better and someone who will respect me for who I am. When I think about it now it gives me tears in my eyes because what he said was exactly what I needed.
Anyway the next day I told my boyfriend what had happened, he has forgiven me but me and this guy have met up once more to discuss things and a way forward. We both admitted we still have feelings but we have decided to put them aside for the sake of our friendship.
However it is so difficult, I can't stop thinking about him. I see him almost every day, we are still best friends but I am constantly thinking what if and I just know he's thinking the same.
Any advice?
Me and my boyfriend have a wide circle of friends at university (we all go to the same society) so we spend time with pretty much the same people.
Over the past couple of weeks me and one of his best friends have been getting closer, to the point where we've had really deep conversations. I'd consider this guy one of my best friends too. We also had conversations about relationships and we both admitted we had feelings for each other before me and my boyfriend got together. But we both said this had changed.
Over the weekend we were drinking and went out as a big group. When we got back, my friends helped put me to bed, and this guy stayed behind. It was just me and him. He began stroking my face and we had another deep conversation. He then told me that he still had feelings for me, had been trying to hide them for weeks and didn't know what to do, because he didn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. We talked some more and anyway we ended up kissing. Afterwards we just stared at each other and both put our head in our hands both feeling incredibly guilty. He held me as I cried as I told him some really personal stuff and he was so nice, telling me that what I'm thinking isn't true, how bad my boyfriend treats me, how I deserve so much better and someone who will respect me for who I am. When I think about it now it gives me tears in my eyes because what he said was exactly what I needed.
Anyway the next day I told my boyfriend what had happened, he has forgiven me but me and this guy have met up once more to discuss things and a way forward. We both admitted we still have feelings but we have decided to put them aside for the sake of our friendship.
However it is so difficult, I can't stop thinking about him. I see him almost every day, we are still best friends but I am constantly thinking what if and I just know he's thinking the same.
Any advice?
You won't last with either of them.
For a start you've proven yourself disloyal, but more than that you committing an act of disloyalty with a guy who's equally disloyal.
This won't end well at all unless you end things with both.
Original post by vela1
Ahhh I see. Well, well done you for not being a sheep and staying loyal to your boyfriend then! You go girl! You don't need no man to tell you what to do.
*clicks fingers*
*clicks fingers*
Err i'm a man mate.
Original post by Pogostick8
Yet another skank cheating on her man, like all women. Does anyone else notice the threads are always about a woman cheating on her man, never the other way around? I wonder why? Women are all disloyal skanks that's why, why any man would ever be stupid enough to get into a relationship with one is beyond me. Just take a look at the vast majority of threads in the relationship section alone and tell me you don't see the same thing, it's always the women cheating but yet men are the ones who are commonly labelled cheats. It actually makes me feel sick and the sooner men wake up to the truth about women the better.
Original post by Nutella:3
It
Any advice?
Any advice?
Just to give you the male perspective. Unless you are a 10 or are a match made in heaven for your boyfriend's friend, he is unlikely to stay with you long term. You will be a worthwhile conquest, but with all that history between you and his best friend, he probably won't want to wake up looking at you every day for the rest of his life. Your face in the morning will remind him of how he betrayed a friend, even if it is one he didn't like very much and didvddd his friendship group.
You'll be good for a few months, but then cast aside. If you want a fling for a few months with this new guy then go for it. It seems as though you don't see yourself going the distance with your boyfriend, given how you sayhe treats you.
Original post by Nutella:3
It would take me forever to write the full details of my relationship and our issues but I will try to keep it to a minimum...
Me and my boyfriend have a wide circle of friends at university (we all go to the same society) so we spend time with pretty much the same people.
Over the past couple of weeks me and one of his best friends have been getting closer, to the point where we've had really deep conversations. I'd consider this guy one of my best friends too. We also had conversations about relationships and we both admitted we had feelings for each other before me and my boyfriend got together. But we both said this had changed.
Over the weekend we were drinking and went out as a big group. When we got back, my friends helped put me to bed, and this guy stayed behind. It was just me and him. He began stroking my face and we had another deep conversation. He then told me that he still had feelings for me, had been trying to hide them for weeks and didn't know what to do, because he didn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. We talked some more and anyway we ended up kissing. Afterwards we just stared at each other and both put our head in our hands both feeling incredibly guilty. He held me as I cried as I told him some really personal stuff and he was so nice, telling me that what I'm thinking isn't true, how bad my boyfriend treats me, how I deserve so much better and someone who will respect me for who I am. When I think about it now it gives me tears in my eyes because what he said was exactly what I needed.
Anyway the next day I told my boyfriend what had happened, he has forgiven me but me and this guy have met up once more to discuss things and a way forward. We both admitted we still have feelings but we have decided to put them aside for the sake of our friendship.
However it is so difficult, I can't stop thinking about him. I see him almost every day, we are still best friends but I am constantly thinking what if and I just know he's thinking the same.
Any advice?
Me and my boyfriend have a wide circle of friends at university (we all go to the same society) so we spend time with pretty much the same people.
Over the past couple of weeks me and one of his best friends have been getting closer, to the point where we've had really deep conversations. I'd consider this guy one of my best friends too. We also had conversations about relationships and we both admitted we had feelings for each other before me and my boyfriend got together. But we both said this had changed.
Over the weekend we were drinking and went out as a big group. When we got back, my friends helped put me to bed, and this guy stayed behind. It was just me and him. He began stroking my face and we had another deep conversation. He then told me that he still had feelings for me, had been trying to hide them for weeks and didn't know what to do, because he didn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. We talked some more and anyway we ended up kissing. Afterwards we just stared at each other and both put our head in our hands both feeling incredibly guilty. He held me as I cried as I told him some really personal stuff and he was so nice, telling me that what I'm thinking isn't true, how bad my boyfriend treats me, how I deserve so much better and someone who will respect me for who I am. When I think about it now it gives me tears in my eyes because what he said was exactly what I needed.
Anyway the next day I told my boyfriend what had happened, he has forgiven me but me and this guy have met up once more to discuss things and a way forward. We both admitted we still have feelings but we have decided to put them aside for the sake of our friendship.
However it is so difficult, I can't stop thinking about him. I see him almost every day, we are still best friends but I am constantly thinking what if and I just know he's thinking the same.
Any advice?
Well what you've said hasn't really convinced me that you and your boyfriend have a stable and happy relationship. Plus, the fact that you have feelings for someone else is just going to make you miserable. You have the opportunity to be with this guy so just do it, otherwise it will only result in you cheating on your boyfriend again. It's only fair on your boyfriend and you need to stop kidding yourself. You should probably just end it now, give your boyfriend chance to move on and you can find happiness with this other guy.
It sucks that you've fallen for your boyfriends best friend but hey ho.
Yeah, leave your boyfriend. Not fair on him or you.
Original post by Nutella:3
I know this and me and this guy will never be that drunk to do something like that again. I love my boyfriend so much, he has done stuff in the past to hurt me, and people tell me how badly he treats me and how I deserve better. But I have met his family who have been incredibly supportive to me recently as some stuff happened, they've met my family, and we all get on so well... whereas this guy I don't know his family, but I know we get on extremely well, have similar interests, and can literally finish each others sentences. But I have told this guy I wouldn't want to come between him and the friendship we have with the others in the group, it'd completely tear the group apart, and he doesn't want to come between me and my boyfriend. I know deep down a relationship with this guy wouldn't work right now as it'd destroy every friendship he has with my boyfriend and the others, and things just wouldn't be the same. But should this stop us from being together in the future?
"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
...just gonna leave this here.
You shouldn't be with your boyfriend out of respect for him and yourself. The fact you are thinking of someone else when you're in a "committed" relationship shows that your mind isn't present. To be deceitful and then be forgiven just to think about his friend and a potential relationship with him adds insult to injury and would suggest you aren't really sorry for kissing his friend. There is no future for you and your boyfriend if you want to have to happiest life because your trust has been dented and you wouldn't build a house on a sink hole (unless you're American) so why build a future on damaged trust, hurt and suffering? This guy friend may be "the one" but has he got the personality to go the distance? It is easy to tell a girl she deserves better but being in the relationship and giving it to her is completely different. How does he know if you are making your boyfriend suffer or treat him badly? It is always easier to judge when you hear one side of the story and take sides when you have support. If your boyfriend doesn't support you then leave him and stop confiding in males that you aren't in a relationship with and who you find attractive because you make yourself vulnerable and will lose yourself in him.
Original post by jordanhenderson.
Well what you've said hasn't really convinced me that you and your boyfriend have a stable and happy relationship. Plus, the fact that you have feelings for someone else is just going to make you miserable. You have the opportunity to be with this guy so just do it, otherwise it will only result in you cheating on your boyfriend again. It's only fair on your boyfriend and you need to stop kidding yourself. You should probably just end it now, give your boyfriend chance to move on and you can find happiness with this other guy.
It sucks that you've fallen for your boyfriends best friend but hey ho.
It sucks that you've fallen for your boyfriends best friend but hey ho.
Original post by NettleRune
Yeah, leave your boyfriend. Not fair on him or you.
Original post by Zarek
Finish with your boyfriend. After a respect gap end up in the arms of his mate. Prepare for some angst mind.
Agree with these.
And ignore the little boys going omg slut bitch ho. Don't let it kill off your self esteem.
It's obvious you're in an unhappy relationship so dump him, get with him and move on.
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