Muslim woman who couldn't sleep with my husband - my fault?

I don't want this to turn into a religion bashing thread, I genuinely want opinions on whether I made the right choice in leaving my husband and if the blame is mainly on me for the breakdown of the marriage. People of all religions are welcome to reply.

It was an arranged marriage, I only saw him a couple times for a few minutes before getting married however we were texting each other. When we got married, I told him I didn't want anything to happen between us on the first night as I was really scared, we were strangers and I wanted to know him better and he said ok.

i was planning on sleeping with him in the honeymoon, which was three days later anyway. But I started my time of the month on the first night we were there so it didn't happen.

There were things about his personality that made me feel uncomfortable, as time went on he would say more things that pushed me further away from him. The first night of the marriage when I told him how nervous I was during the wedding, he said he was fine, he felt like he was a guest in it instead of getting married. On the first night of the honeymoon, he told me I wasn't normal and when I asked why, he said if he asked a hundred women one thing, they would give the same answer but I wouldnt. I didn't know how to take it so I said nothing.

As time went by, he didn't like me texting my friends so I stopped. If I wanted to go to the shops, I had to ask for his permission and his mums too (she didn't live with us) and I kept getting confused on who I should ask when.

He kept wanting me to change my behaviour and be more talkative and I did. He would always tell me how he was perfect and I had to change (this is mainly due to the non-sex) but change my personality of being introverted too (he was a very confident, extroverted man).

When we argued, he would shout at me but I wouldn't raise my voice because I wanted to be diplomatic, I am really scared of confrontations. He would slam doors on the way out and rev the car engine when speeding away.

I get really bad periods some months and once I was downstairs helping his mum with cooking. I couldn't stand up anymore and crawled up the stairs trying to get to bed. I couldn't reach the bed so I just lay in a foetal position on the floor. He was sleeping at the time and when he woke up he just ignored me and walked past downstairs (this was the first time he ever saw me this bad). Later, that day he told my family (who came for a dinner party) that he wanted them to sort me out because I wouldnt sleep with him. That night, in bed, he told me when he saw me on the floor, he didn't care. His mum told him his wife was on the floor in pain and he shrugged his shoulders.

I did say I was ready twice but both times he rejected me saying I'm not normal to have waited so long (couple months) and I needed to be fully ready.

Anyway, I left him after he kept threatening me with divorce. My family and his family, including him, were saying he wouldn't have reacted like that if I didn't say no to him the first night. So ultimately, I am to blame. I am willing to accept that.

I just want to know if this is how men usually are? It's kind of scared me off men and marriage. Is it my fault for letting things get out of hand? I admit I feel awful that I must have hurt him too by being like this, I tried everything I could to change but kept being told it's not good enough.

I commend you if you've made it this far into reading this, I'm sorry it's so long.

X

How much was the mahr he gave you?

He didn't give me the full mahr, just the original 500 pounds when we first got married. I don't care, I don't like talking about money or getting into issues involving it so this doesn't bother me. Makes people greedy.

Because it was seen as I was causing him pain by saying no on the first night therefore every other thing I had happen to me, I deserved.

I agree that perhaps they are right in a sense, it must be a huge blow to the ego if your wife is unable to be intimate with you. Everything else that followed were repercussions of that first night.

I don't want this to turn into a religion bashing thread, I genuinely want opinions on whether I made the right choice in leaving my husband and if the blame is mainly on me for the breakdown of the marriage. People of all religions are welcome to reply.

It was an arranged marriage, I only saw him a couple times for a few minutes before getting married however we were texting each other. When we got married, I told him I didn't want anything to happen between us on the first night as I was really scared, we were strangers and I wanted to know him better and he said ok.

i was planning on sleeping with him in the honeymoon, which was three days later anyway. But I started my time of the month on the first night we were there so it didn't happen.

There were things about his personality that made me feel uncomfortable, as time went on he would say more things that pushed me further away from him. The first night of the marriage when I told him how nervous I was during the wedding, he said he was fine, he felt like he was a guest in it instead of getting married. On the first night of the honeymoon, he told me I wasn't normal and when I asked why, he said if he asked a hundred women one thing, they would give the same answer but I wouldnt. I didn't know how to take it so I said nothing.

As time went by, he didn't like me texting my friends so I stopped. If I wanted to go to the shops, I had to ask for his permission and his mums too (she didn't live with us) and I kept getting confused on who I should ask when.

He kept wanting me to change my behaviour and be more talkative and I did. He would always tell me how he was perfect and I had to change (this is mainly due to the non-sex) but change my personality of being introverted too (he was a very confident, extroverted man).

When we argued, he would shout at me but I wouldn't raise my voice because I wanted to be diplomatic, I am really scared of confrontations. He would slam doors on the way out and rev the car engine when speeding away.

I get really bad periods some months and once I was downstairs helping his mum with cooking. I couldn't stand up anymore and crawled up the stairs trying to get to bed. I couldn't reach the bed so I just lay in a foetal position on the floor. He was sleeping at the time and when he woke up he just ignored me and walked past downstairs (this was the first time he ever saw me this bad). Later, that day he told my family (who came for a dinner party) that he wanted them to sort me out because I wouldnt sleep with him. That night, in bed, he told me when he saw me on the floor, he didn't care. His mum told him his wife was on the floor in pain and he shrugged his shoulders.

I did say I was ready twice but both times he rejected me saying I'm not normal to have waited so long (couple months) and I needed to be fully ready.

Anyway, I left him after he kept threatening me with divorce. My family and his family, including him, were saying he wouldn't have reacted like that if I didn't say no to him the first night. So ultimately, I am to blame. I am willing to accept that.

I just want to know if this is how men usually are? It's kind of scared me off men and marriage. Is it my fault for letting things get out of hand? I admit I feel awful that I must have hurt him too by being like this, I tried everything I could to change but kept being told it's not good enough.

I commend you if you've made it this far into reading this, I'm sorry it's so long.

Why are you posting this question on this forum you're better of going to an Islamic forum in the marriage section they can give you better advice. I don't know much about marriage but you are supposed to give your husband sex if he desires it. You agreed to marry him if you weren't ready then you shouldn't have done it and you sound like you're not ready for it. When you said you left him are you still married to him or divorced?

Agree with everything in bold.
Making your HUSBAND wait 3 months for sex smh