Can you grow to fancy someone?

Hi guys, I just wanted a bit of advice.......

I met a guy about 5 weeks ago through a friend and we started going out on a few dates. I like him as a person and he is really good looking, but the problem is that I just don't feel attracted to him, even though he has the main qualities in a guy that I thought that I would find attractive.

I haven't had a full-on relationship before and I am worried that i'm just being too harsh or that it's because i'm nervous and I’m stopping myself feeling any ‘chemistry’?

Basically I’m asking whether anybody has been in this situation before?
Do you grow to fancy somebody or if it’s not there from the start will it never be there? I don't know whether I should stop pursuing a relationship that will never work?

Thanks for any advice :smile:

Reply 1

mc_hamster

1

In my experience it doesn't work. But that's not to say it doesn't work for everyone.

Reply 2

tldevil

1

nah its possible. my friend didnt really fancy his gf very much at first but he grew to and loved her very much

Reply 3

Alan Smithee

Of course you can, it's called before sex and after sex.

Reply 4

pikaboo

13

Lust at first sight isn't an imperative for a future relationship...actually I would say your situation is quite a cute one to be in. As long as you keep the dating on a more fun, friendly level and concentrate on getting to know him better, rather than seeing it as seriously as you would a committed relationship, then you might just find yourself falling for him naturally as time goes on.

I hope you see a side of him that you really do find attractive :smile:

for now just don't have any expectations - go with the flow, enjoy yourself and don't analyse your feelings too much :p:

Reply 5

pikaboo

13

Pretty Boy Floyd

Of course you can, it's called before sex and after sex.

The hormones released during orgasm apparently make you fancy your partner more :smile:

I think it's to do with that lovely bonding hormone oxytocin...

Not that I'm suggesting the OP goes and sleeps with him straightaway lol, that might actually make things worse.

Reply 6

MatchDancer

I didn't fancy my b/f that much when we started, I think (I'm still really confused about this stuff with my sexuality and I've never fancied anyone and he's my first b/f etc), but now I think I fancy him more.

Reply 7

person 34

9

You'll firstly brainwash yourself with the idea of his perfectionism which doesn't actually exsist. Then a few months down the line, you will look at him and realise what a mistake you made, literally.

Reply 8

pikaboo

13

34 person

You'll firstly brainwash yourself with the idea of his perfectionism which doesn't actually exsist. Then a few months down the line, you will look at him and realise what a mistake you made, literally.

Not if you get to know him properly first. That's why I think the OP's situation is really quite a good one to be in.

Reply 9

princess_kay

It can defo work out. I met my current boyfriend a few years ago. We were in 6th form together and we were friends, but it was one of those I liked him, he didn't like me situations. Fast forward a year and a half, and I had just split up with a guy I had been seeing for a few months, suddenly the guy who hadn't liked me asks me out cos we had become closer and his feelings had changed. Now we've been together 8 months and are very much in love. Feelings change. If it doesn't feel right now, don't rush it. It might take a while but you could end up falling for him. x

Reply 10

Cl@re

The only reason my boyfriend and I got to know each other was because he fancied my best friend at the time. We all hung round together but she wasn't interested as already had a boyfriend, she tried setting us up as I liked him, but he didnt like me as much as her. In the end he got the message that she wasn't interested and almost 4 years later we are still together.

So in my case, he learned to love me and what he learnt became true. But then again it all depends on individual circumstances. If you've never been in a relationship before whats the harm in trying?

Reply 11

minimo

15

Pah love at first site is a load of poop really. :p:

I mean, my parents had an arranged marriage, so there was none of the love at first sight stuff. However, I can attest to the fact that they are VERY much in love 21 years later...so obviously you can grpw to love someone. :biggrin:

Reply 12

shewantstobeme

10

i'm in that exact situation atm with my best mate. he has an attractive personality, an amazing person and id trust him with my life.
part of me wants more, but i don't fancy him loads (though i do a bit hehe).

a lot of things people said to me were that those feelings can grow with time :smile:

having a bond with someones personality is more important than lust.
i'd say just see where you both end up. keep dating, and just see where your situation takes you. as long as he understands how you feel, then you won't be leading him on or anything.
take it slowly, and over time you'll be able to see what you want :smile:

good luck!

Reply 13

Ron Stoppable

14

Anonymous

I met a guy about 5 weeks ago through a friend and we started going out on a few dates. I like him as a person and he is really good looking, but the problem is that I just don't feel attracted to him, even though he has the main qualities in a guy that I thought that I would find attractive.

I haven't had a full-on relationship before and I am worried that i'm just being too harsh or that it's because i'm nervous and I’m stopping myself feeling any ‘chemistry’?

Interesting situation!

While the general consensus is bound to be full of logical thinkers saying "nope - not in the long-term", you'll be intrigued to find that it could be very possible if all that you've described is solely down to both of you being conditioned with different love types.

Read this fantastic post to find out what type you have and what you can do to make your relationship absolutely sizzle. :wink:

Reply 14

Country Kid

Funny how people always consider the negative perspective when starting a relationship. If you did not like him, you would know it and act accordingly. If you loved/fancied him then you would not be posting here. Therefore your somewhere in the middle... and last time i checked the middle represents 'the mean' - suggesting that your current relationship is prone to either of the above extremes - it is simply your choice as to which extreme you prefer to embrace. So basically go out and have a good time. Let them feelings have a chance to develop if you so wish for them to.

Reply 15

Crimson Black

13

I like to think of relationships like that as Darcy & Bennett relationships. :smile:

(sorry, I just had to say that, move on to the next post please :p:

).

Reply 16

Flank Runner

34 person

You'll firstly brainwash yourself with the idea of his perfectionism which doesn't actually exsist. Then a few months down the line, you will look at him and realise what a mistake you made, literally.

wow someone had a rough experience

@ the op

yes its possible, just spend time with him and you'll soon discover whether hes right for your or not

Reply 17

scribble_girl

14

Crimson Black

I like to think of relationships like that as Darcy & Bennett relationships. :smile:

(sorry, I just had to say that, move on to the next post please :p:

).

Me too

For me, relationships fall into two classes : Bingley or Darcy
:biggrin:

Again, off topic, sorry!

Reply 18

Crimson Black

13

scribble_girl

Me too

For me, relationships fall into two classes : Bingley or Darcy
:biggrin:

Again, off topic, sorry!

I've always wanted to use that ditto smily! :rolleyes:

You've given me a life-affirming chance! Let's get married. :p:

Off topic, of course.

Reply 19

Anthonyjm71

9

shewantstobeme

i'm in that exact situation atm with my best mate. he has an attractive personality, an amazing person and id trust him with my life.
part of me wants more, but i don't fancy him loads (though i do a bit hehe).

a lot of things people said to me were that those feelings can grow with time :smile:

having a bond with someones personality is more important than lust.
i'd say just see where you both end up. keep dating, and just see where your situation takes you. as long as he understands how you feel, then you won't be leading him on or anything.
take it slowly, and over time you'll be able to see what you want :smile:

good luck!

this does happen quite a lot in several cases i've heard of...

Can you grow to fancy someone?

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