Am I better off without her?!

Thanks for your reply, would love to know what anyone else thinks

I completely feel you, and having dated a girl who always used to complain about how she loved me more (as a joke, of course), I can say that some people don't know the meaning of love, don't know what they want, and never truly loved you to begin with. THIS isn't love - she didn't love you. You gave us evidence already. You're MUCH better off without her as she's just going to continue to emotionally f*** with you.

Take care of yourself. And I know you'll wanna chase her because you should never turn your back on your loved ones, even when they do. However, that doesn't apply to a girl who starts cheating on you. She's no longer a girl you should want to be with and guess what - she didn't even apologise, right? Look at her and judge yourself. I can't tell you what to do. Once again, take care.

~ Coming from a true bro

She is crazy. It's tough, but you should move on from this as soon as possible, and don't talk to this person ever again.

Yea I agree, you can choose to look at this objectively op or you can keep following feelings. I say just dont contact her and see how she responds.

Thanks for your reply Why do you describe her behaviour as crazy out of curiosity? - This is my first relationship so assumed this is just how people act...

Worrying about cheating on you and actually cheating on you are two very bad things, and I would have thought that if either of those things are happening, okay, that's bad. But for both to happen in succession is just stupid. She must have changed her mind or thought it was okay, based on how she was acting afterwards.

And how she treated you towards the end - texting other people about you in front of you, 'forgetting' that you were going to meet up. Okay, that's not the first time I've heard of anyone 'forgetting' about a meetup but that doesn't make it any less horrible or justifiable.

And just way too clingy. I was quite clingy in my first relationship (though I didn't mean to be) and even I didn't say some of the things that she's said. I would bet that her next relationship won't be better than the one she had with you by a long shot, and it won't work for one reason or another.

Worrying about cheating on you and actually cheating on you are two very bad things, and I would have thought that if either of those things are happening, okay, that's bad. But for both to happen in succession is just stupid. She must have changed her mind or thought it was okay, based on how she was acting afterwards.

And how she treated you towards the end - texting other people about you in front of you, 'forgetting' that you were going to meet up. Okay, that's not the first time I've heard of anyone 'forgetting' about a meetup but that doesn't make it any less horrible or justifiable.

And just way too clingy. I was quite clingy in my first relationship (though I didn't mean to be) and even I didn't say some of the things that she's said. I would bet that her next relationship won't be better than the one she had with you by a long shot, and it won't work for one reason or another.

Interesting that you mention justifying her cheating - she did the same thing with her ex - he went away for 2 months over Summer and she slept with a random guy twice at a festival. She told me, and said that she didn't feel any guilt for it because she had stopped loving him whilst he was away. They were in an LDR and he only told her at the last minute, cancelling all their Summer plans, so I suppose at the time, I felt she was somewhat justified.

In terms of clinginess, she would also compain about me not messaging her enough and told me after arriving at uni that she thought she needed me to be there to make everything alright.

Why do you think her next relationship will be less good? Admittedly she did seem to feel some very strong feelings during ours (writing about them seems to suggest that she did actually feel strong emotions at the time) and I did do everything to try and make her feel validated/wanted - liked to show the way I felt rather than say it so would try to be a good bf, organise surprises, occasional presents and romantic outings etc.

That's not good enough on her part, to be honest. If she really loved someone she wouldn't 'stop loving them' for that reason. I suspect that she just gets attached to people and when they're too far away she just wants something else.

And settling in at university, particularly the first year, is very tough and if you have someone close to you it's very comforting to be in touch with them. So that bit isn't exactly clingy, but the rest of her is.



See my first paragraph of the post. And also for the reason that you did a lot of things for her like you've described there, as well as a holiday with the family. Is some guy that she got with behind your back going to be able to do better? Unless he's got some kind of magic qualities, I'm not sure what's stopping her from just going to someone else when something else happens.

You know sometimes all you need is a simple formula or saying to see if the person your with etc does in fact love you. The way I do that or you could say DISTINGUISH between people who are actually worth it and those that are not, is that I look at both their ACTIONS and WORDS. I remember someone who would say the most supportive, nicest, sweetest things, you name it. But when came to delivery and living up to their words, it was zero and it was these people that I felt were most poisonous and I AVOID people like this.

This girl is obviously not serious about you that's clear. However most of all, in a way she's disrespected you, sitting there whilst you've come for HER and she sits and complains. That's disrespect for someone's time. I think you need to clear your life of all this drama, it's not worth it one little bit. You mentioned she's a child of divorce, well, I'm a child of a forced marriage and a extremely incompatible one. I've seen things that no child should see and have felt Abandoned most of my life. However everyone has a choice, that's why you don't see every child of divorce or abandonment doing what she did. At the end of the day your just wasting your brain power and it's better to declutter your life from all of this.

You know sometimes all you need is a simple formula or saying to see if the person your with etc does in fact love you. The way I do that or you could say DISTINGUISH between people who are actually worth it and those that are not, is that I look at both their ACTIONS and WORDS. I remember someone who would say the most supportive, nicest, sweetest things, you name it. But when came to delivery and living up to their words, it was zero and it was these people that I felt were most poisonous and I AVOID people like this.

This girl is obviously not serious about you that's clear. However most of all, in a way she's disrespected you, sitting there whilst you've come for HER and she sits and complains. That's disrespect for someone's time. I think you need to clear your life of all this drama, it's not worth it one little bit. You mentioned she's a child of divorce, well, I'm a child of a forced marriage and a extremely incompatible one. I've seen things that no child should see and have felt Abandoned most of my life. However everyone has a choice, that's why you don't see every child of divorce or abandonment doing what she did. At the end of the day your just wasting your brain power and it's better to declutter your life from all of this.

I agree with everything you've said Thanks for your reply. The only area where I would add something is this - to my mind, she thought she was serious about me, at least at times - simply because she was writing these things in her diary. That means that it wasn't just for my benefit. Sure, it might be the case that she was simply living out a dramatic fantasy by doing this, but at least she thought it was true I suppose. She also wrote (again, it wasn't me that read it), that she really wanted the relationship to work at uni.

I hope that the reason she wasn't serious about me was because of drama school and her dreams of becoming an actress. Her ex was far less compatable with her yet they were together for 2 years. A part of me says that I was not enough for her, that we didn't have enough in common, that she was bored or some such. But, she said several times towards the end of the relationship, things like, I never intended to go to university with a boyfriend, so I think she had considerable doubts, only feeling convinced at times.