Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Dealing with the end of a really complicated relationship?

Announcements Posted on
Last day to win £100 of Amazon vouchers - don't miss out! Take our quick survey to enter 24-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    I was seeing someone who didn't want a relationship, just sex. We'd already been friends for years, everything seemed fine. Then we started getting close,having matching profile pictures, saying we loved each other, sharing a bed, holding hands, hanging out or texting each other all day and so on. It was complicated because they had a history of abusive relationships, and had decided that they weren't getting into a relationship again, at least for a long time.

    So eventually I asked them to clarify what our relationship was. (I didn't pick the best time, it was late, and we were tired.) I was I said I'd love to have a relationship with them, or to go back to being just friends, but I couldn't keep going on the way we were. This resulted in a massive emotional scene, we both ended up crying; it was messy. All they said was that they weren't interested in having a relationship with anyone, which at the time I thought was just them rejecting me. We made up but later they blamed me for starting the conversation. I said I was sorry, and tried to explain. Again, this ended in tears and we agreed that I'd leave as us being around each other didn't seem to be helping anyone.I was devastated; I never had any intention of upsetting them and I'm still not entirely sure how I did.

    I messaged them apologising for upsetting them. They just accused me of damaging their mental health and said they didn't care about anything. I apologised again, and said I'd understand if they wanted to block me. They just responded saying they didn't care, I said I was sorry and I wished them the best. After a few weeks they started messaging me just talking about music and films, but then ended up ignoring me, so I just asked how they felt about me. I realize this was probably stupid, but I was incredibly confused by the whole situation.They said they "didn't care about anything and didn't do drama". Then messaged me again hours later about trivial stuff, without remotely acknowledging the conversation we'd had. I was massively taken aback, but replied and I've heard from them occasionally since. My family say the person's unstable and I should cut them off.

    It's been a few weeks since we've had any contact. I miss them a lot, but I know that it might be impossible to restore our friendship. And I wonder if I still have feelings for them sometimes. So yeah, what should I do? Block them and their friends on facebook, change my number and move on, try and talk to them, just give it time and see what happens, or what?

    If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it . Please don't judge too much, I tried to help them and be understanding, and I already feel like a terrible person.

    To be honest I agree with your family. You should certainly not invest in this person if you do want to maintain some contact. It sounds liek they probably did like you but also like they probably are no where near ready to be in an actual relationship and as for 'I don't do drama' they're the only one creating drama - they could easily have given a simple 'I'm not ready for a relationship but we can step back to friends if you want' or even a 'I'm not ready for this conversation yet can we leave it for now' rather than turning it into a huge thing. For the record I don't think you did anything wrong.
Write a reply…


Submit reply


Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: August 22, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Would you rather find

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.