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Where do I go from here?

Okay this is crazy long, I'm sorry, thanks if you bother reading the whole thing! Just want to give the whole situation

Okay so my friend introduced me to this guy over Facebook, he was really into me straight away asking me on a date, saying he just wanted to call me his one day and make me happy, and asking if I could see us as a long term thing(this was all within like the first day of talking so I was a little overwhelmed), then a week later we went on a date(really casual as it was my first ever) and it went really well, at the end he really wanted to drive me home(but for a few reasons I decide I should get the train instead, but the point is he made it clear he wanted to see me for longer), we kept talking and then a bit later he messaged me saying he thought we should slow down as he didn't think he could have a relationship right now, I thought okay so he's not interested anymore, but then we keep talking and face timing for like 3/4 hours every night, and he'd be very talkative about how he wished I was there to cuddle. He kept saying how he couldn't be in a relationship because he didn't think he'd be able to be a good boyfriend right now, and it's not just me, that we'd be an amazing couple he just can't. We're really open and had already had casual conversations about sex before(I'm a virgin, never even kissed a guy) and we got talking about it and I said how I'd let him take my virginity, and he later suggested we do a FWB sort of thing, so I was up for that, and we started sending nudes and doing stuff over FaceTime(still having our calls every night, the sexual parts weren't the main focus of the calls). We thought about this a lot before doing it, and promised to tell the other if we started getting feelings. I stupidly got feelings and haven't told him. We called it off and restarted it a couple of times, but it never went past FaceTime and into real life, we only met up again once, and cuddled whilst watching TV. When we messaged he kept talking about things like how he wanted me there to cuddle, and about how cool it would be to live together, how he wished he could move to uni with me next year so we could cuddle and stay up late talking about nothing(like our FaceTime calls) and even about us living together in like 20 years. He then had to drop out of uni during his like 3rd week there due to mental health reasons, and said that he wouldn't be able to call me for a while whilst he sorted himself out, which I was fine with and understood, we messaged a bit but not as much, we still sexted a little but he didn't seem very into it, and then called it off 'cause he said he had started to view me as just that kind of friend, and didn't want to hurt me and just wanted to focus on being the best best friends we could. And then he pretty much ghosted me for 2 weeks, I saw him still tweeting and online but the one time we really talked he said he wasn't really talking to anyone(our mutual friend said he hadn't spoken to her so I think this is true - yeah I couldn't help but ask her) and was posting things to stop people from worrying. So my friends told me to stop trying when I was getting no reply and it was getting me down, as they think he isn't interested(but I feel like they don't know how close we got, the things we said) so I didn't contact him for 2 weeks and decided to try and move on, then he messaged me the other night and we talked a bit but only small talk where he said he'd been busy with work and therapy, then he messaged me again the next morning only a short small talk chat again, and he snapchatted the next day.

So my dilemma here is do I explain that I have feelings, do I try and ignore my feelings(difficult) and just be friends, or do I cut contact? I want to support him and his health but I need to think of myself too, you know?I just have no idea what to do, I feel like it's selfish to try and get him to date me when he doesn't think he can, but I want him even if it would be difficult, even if he didn't have the capacity to message much and I don't know if I should tell him that. I dont know if he was just not interested after our first date and was being nice but that seems unlike him to lie about that, and then it also seems unfair to just stop talking to him without explaining to him why.

Thanks!

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I would cut contact, he sounds like a ****boy. Making out he's interested and then going out on a date with you? And then deciding he isn't ready for a relationship, but continues to lead you on by telling you he wants to cuddle you and spend time with you and the sexting thing, completely inapproppriate. He sure as hell knows how you feel, most people don't sext guys unless they're into them or if they're a boyfriend or whatever. MH issues or not this guy is not into you, and you will get hurt if you keep entertaining it. Ive done the whole waiting until someone's ready thing and it has never worked out, it's always turned out to be an excuse to have a casual and non inclusive relationship.