How to choose between two guys
So I’m in a bit of a situation. I broke up with my ex 5 months ago, but recently we’ve been communicating again. We’ve also arranged to meet up soon and in my mind, he is the one I want. However he was the one who ended it, as we had gone long distance and it wasn’t working. We also have great conversations and have a really strong emotional connection - not something I’ve ever experienced with anyone before and it’s still strong.
Boy number two I’ve recently met through some friends and straight away he’s made his intentions clear (which has been actually nice). He’s slightly younger, the attraction is there but that connection/spark isn’t I don’t think. However I haven’t spent any time alone with him. He’s asked to take me out on a date this weekend and I have initially agreed but I feel guilty as I am still in (limited) communication with my ex, and if he gave me another shot I would take it.
However, my ex also is the one who broke up with me and I can’t wait around again, to decide if he wants me again or not.
So I’m not sure what I should do…wait to see what happens with my ex and turn the new guys down? Forget about my ex, despite never experiencing anything similar , to try the new guy? Or just stop it all and take some time to really work on myself? But then let both guys down (which I really struggle with and I feel like I’ll have to explain).
Boy number two I’ve recently met through some friends and straight away he’s made his intentions clear (which has been actually nice). He’s slightly younger, the attraction is there but that connection/spark isn’t I don’t think. However I haven’t spent any time alone with him. He’s asked to take me out on a date this weekend and I have initially agreed but I feel guilty as I am still in (limited) communication with my ex, and if he gave me another shot I would take it.
However, my ex also is the one who broke up with me and I can’t wait around again, to decide if he wants me again or not.
So I’m not sure what I should do…wait to see what happens with my ex and turn the new guys down? Forget about my ex, despite never experiencing anything similar , to try the new guy? Or just stop it all and take some time to really work on myself? But then let both guys down (which I really struggle with and I feel like I’ll have to explain).
I would give the new guy a chance, despite not spending much time with him.
People who usually date their ex's either regret it or only do it because they believe there is literally no one else in the world for them who treats them like they used to be treated.
The honest reality is, there are approx 7 billion people in the world, the majority of who are single and would definitely do a better job than your ex did.
You mention that the 'connection/spark isn’t I don’t think', but you also state you 'haven’t spent any time alone with him', so maybe that's the reason why there's no connection yet? Go on the date, see how you feel, stop playing games by texting your ex, and enjoy life again.
People who usually date their ex's either regret it or only do it because they believe there is literally no one else in the world for them who treats them like they used to be treated.
The honest reality is, there are approx 7 billion people in the world, the majority of who are single and would definitely do a better job than your ex did.
You mention that the 'connection/spark isn’t I don’t think', but you also state you 'haven’t spent any time alone with him', so maybe that's the reason why there's no connection yet? Go on the date, see how you feel, stop playing games by texting your ex, and enjoy life again.
Original post by Adz2042
I would give the new guy a chance, despite not spending much time with him.
People who usually date their ex's either regret it or only do it because they believe there is literally no one else in the world for them who treats them like they used to be treated.
The honest reality is, there are approx 7 billion people in the world, the majority of who are single and would definitely do a better job than your ex did.
You mention that the 'connection/spark isn’t I don’t think', but you also state you 'haven’t spent any time alone with him', so maybe that's the reason why there's no connection yet? Go on the date, see how you feel, stop playing games by texting your ex, and enjoy life again.
People who usually date their ex's either regret it or only do it because they believe there is literally no one else in the world for them who treats them like they used to be treated.
The honest reality is, there are approx 7 billion people in the world, the majority of who are single and would definitely do a better job than your ex did.
You mention that the 'connection/spark isn’t I don’t think', but you also state you 'haven’t spent any time alone with him', so maybe that's the reason why there's no connection yet? Go on the date, see how you feel, stop playing games by texting your ex, and enjoy life again.
Thank you, this really means a lot & I definitely needed to hear this.
I guess I just fall back on my ex as a comfort thing, even though I know it didn’t work out for a reason. I think I just lose hope of finding something like that again, but when you say it like that and there’s so many other people out there is does put it into perspective. But exactly I need to give the new guy a fair chance and close off things that have happened in the past. Thank you 🙏
New guy, the old guy it already fell apart so something wasn't working. Give the new guy a chance and you can always go back to the old guy later. No saying just because you are dating it has to be a LTR/Marriage, you decide how long you wish to date someone.
Thanks everyone!!
Original post by Boris 2000
New guy, the old guy it already fell apart so something wasn't working. Give the new guy a chance and you can always go back to the old guy later. No saying just because you are dating it has to be a LTR/Marriage, you decide how long you wish to date someone.
Thank you, that is very true. I think my only worry is if the old guy finds out I’ve moved on he’ll forget about me? But equally it ended, and I do need to move on, so I shouldn’t worry.
No and I think I do feel slightly guilty on that, as this new guy I can’t see it being a long term thing. For me it will be a a short term relationship. But is that bad/fair on him?
I’d say, give the new guy a shot.. BUT, you will have to completely cut all contact with your ex, it’s obvious you still have very strong feelings towards him but if he’s as indecisive as it sounds then he’s not gonna give you the attention or maybe even the respect that a partner should.. if you go with the new guy but stay in touch with your ex, you’re always gonna be wondering what if.. then if mr ex suddenly decides he wants you back now you’re with someone else then I can see the new guy getting quite hurt emotionally and you never know… you could have just lost the best person you’ll ever meet in that situation…
Original post by Biggz1984
I’d say, give the new guy a shot.. BUT, you will have to completely cut all contact with your ex, it’s obvious you still have very strong feelings towards him but if he’s as indecisive as it sounds then he’s not gonna give you the attention or maybe even the respect that a partner should.. if you go with the new guy but stay in touch with your ex, you’re always gonna be wondering what if.. then if mr ex suddenly decides he wants you back now you’re with someone else then I can see the new guy getting quite hurt emotionally and you never know… you could have just lost the best person you’ll ever meet in that situation…
Thank you, you’re right and I know I need to move on from my ex. He never could fully give me what I wanted and I doubt that will change. But equally not sure this new guy can either, but I do need to at least give him a chance.
You'll go back to your ex
It’s 2023 you can have both.
Original post by Miss Paige
You'll go back to your ex
If it was an option I 100% would, but he ended it and is basically in control of the situation.
Neither!
BF1 you trusted then unceremoniously dumped you and has suddenly come back...ask yourself why? grass not greener on the other side perhaps?????
Guy no2 is nice but not nice enough for you to forget your ex. If you go into a relationship with him, BF1 will always be a shadow in the background because you are not over him.
This is the point where you wean yourself off BF1 altogether. I sincerely wish people would give themselves more self respect! don't go running back to him, block him! for good. No one should treat you like that. Let yourself be single for at least 6mths, then start to explore new people.
BF1 you trusted then unceremoniously dumped you and has suddenly come back...ask yourself why? grass not greener on the other side perhaps?????
Guy no2 is nice but not nice enough for you to forget your ex. If you go into a relationship with him, BF1 will always be a shadow in the background because you are not over him.
This is the point where you wean yourself off BF1 altogether. I sincerely wish people would give themselves more self respect! don't go running back to him, block him! for good. No one should treat you like that. Let yourself be single for at least 6mths, then start to explore new people.
Original post by Anonymous
So I’m in a bit of a situation. I broke up with my ex 5 months ago, but recently we’ve been communicating again. We’ve also arranged to meet up soon and in my mind, he is the one I want. However he was the one who ended it, as we had gone long distance and it wasn’t working. We also have great conversations and have a really strong emotional connection - not something I’ve ever experienced with anyone before and it’s still strong.
Boy number two I’ve recently met through some friends and straight away he’s made his intentions clear (which has been actually nice). He’s slightly younger, the attraction is there but that connection/spark isn’t I don’t think. However I haven’t spent any time alone with him. He’s asked to take me out on a date this weekend and I have initially agreed but I feel guilty as I am still in (limited) communication with my ex, and if he gave me another shot I would take it.
However, my ex also is the one who broke up with me and I can’t wait around again, to decide if he wants me again or not.
So I’m not sure what I should do…wait to see what happens with my ex and turn the new guys down? Forget about my ex, despite never experiencing anything similar , to try the new guy? Or just stop it all and take some time to really work on myself? But then let both guys down (which I really struggle with and I feel like I’ll have to explain).
Boy number two I’ve recently met through some friends and straight away he’s made his intentions clear (which has been actually nice). He’s slightly younger, the attraction is there but that connection/spark isn’t I don’t think. However I haven’t spent any time alone with him. He’s asked to take me out on a date this weekend and I have initially agreed but I feel guilty as I am still in (limited) communication with my ex, and if he gave me another shot I would take it.
However, my ex also is the one who broke up with me and I can’t wait around again, to decide if he wants me again or not.
So I’m not sure what I should do…wait to see what happens with my ex and turn the new guys down? Forget about my ex, despite never experiencing anything similar , to try the new guy? Or just stop it all and take some time to really work on myself? But then let both guys down (which I really struggle with and I feel like I’ll have to explain).
Thinks of the situation like this; you dated him and the distance made you both breakup. If that is the case, then your relationship with him should be kept in the past and you should move on. Dont plan onn dating the new guy, talk it out, vibe together and definetly hangout more. If you think being with him is worth it then go for it. But right now I just think you need to heal, like big time. Leave guys, focus on yourself, workout, find a new hobby [try boxing ong its amazinng], explore yourself. I feel like a part of you still wants to go back to ur ex, so dont put urself in a situation which yells u miss ur ex but ur dating the new guy.!!
The new guy would just be a rebound anyway
Boy no 3 you havent met yet.
It never worked out with your ex for a reason look forwards, not backwards.
If the attraction isnt there with no.2 you dont need too take it further,
It never worked out with your ex for a reason look forwards, not backwards.
If the attraction isnt there with no.2 you dont need too take it further,
I'm gonna add my voice to the majority here: Give the new guy a chance. Maybe he'll be the one. Or the guy after that, who knows. There's no use going backwards, and often the feelings we maintain for our exes are more nostalgia and a desire to cling onto what's familiar. Letting go, moving on and being brave enough to find something new will, in my opinion, be the best course of action.
I could be completely wrong but from an outside view it seems as though you’re not fully giving the new guy a chance because you’re still so focused on your ex, as someone mentioned above.. may be a good idea to choose neither, but in either situation you really need to forget about your ex, if he valued you at all then there would be no question in weather he wanted you back.. as hurtful as it may sound it looks like he doesn’t have the same feelings for you as you do for him… sounds cheesy but my wife, we’ve known each other since primary school and been an item since we were 19 and 20.. she’s a year older, I knew before we were together that she was the woman I wanted to spend my life with.. we’re 39 now, in my personal opinion.. if you’re in your very late teens or early 20’s and you’re not contemplating weather or not you could spend the rest of your life with your current partner then you’ve already answered that question, obviously this is just my personal opinion but in my experience, the vast majority of people I know have met who they still regard as their life partner in their late teens/early twenties.. and I’m not meaning to sound old fashioned or opinionated in any way.. just saying that your ex doesn’t seem to have the same feelings about your relationship as you do or you’d be together now.. and he’s probably not worth your time and affection… speaking as a guy here, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that too many lads are testosterone overdosed, inconsiderate and apathetic, I saw a lot of this kind of behaviour within my circle of friends in my late teens and early twenties.. it’s always been something that bothers me.. so my advice to you is , give the guy who treats you well and gives you the respect and affection you deserve.. and forget the dude who can’t make his mind up if he wants to love you or not.. because the latter is only gonna go one way which will end with you being emotionally hurt… again, my own personal opinion but I gather I’m quite a bit older than most in this forum and believe me.. I really have seen it all ha ha
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Seneca Memory Palace: opinons and score?
- moonraker point vs atlas?
- What is your favourite TV show?
- Exam resit
- Forensic Psychology & Criminal Justice LJMU
- Goldsmiths vs Queen Mary
- Mazars school leaver apprenticeship UK.
- M.Sc. in Geotechnical Engineering
- Who to Choose? Accepting your University Offer
- Stuck at crossroads in my life: how can I decide on a course?!?
- Bayes MSc Corporate Finance vs Bath MSc Finance
- Dmu vs uni of roehampton/london
- Interior Design from Kingston or Interior/Spatial Design in Camberwell UAL
- GCSE options Computer Science vs Spanish vs Business
- Manchester or St Andrews?
- Choosing more modules than is necessary
- The Green Mile - Of Mice And Men
- Anyone needing English help...
- MSc research project
- Physiotherapy degree Vs neuroscience degree
Latest
Trending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
