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english article feedback??

Could anyone offer me a mark out of 20 for the following article using the eduqas mark scheme:

question:

Write a lively article for your school/college magazine with the heading:A Teenager’s Guide to Managing Parents.

my response:

A Teenager’s Guide to Managing Parenting

Parents Versus Child

Commanding, stubborn and over-protective – three frustrating parental traits that have boiled the blood of teenagers up and down the country for years on end. Constant nagging to tidy your bed, persistent pecking to fold your clothes; Many teenagers firmly believe their parents’ sole purpose is to provoke their children’s anger. Are there no methods of coping? This article will be the mystical potion that will allow you to channel your inner resentment towards your parents and convert it into a joyous and prosperous relationship.

Consideration

First things first, parents are your greatest well-wishers. They want nothing more but to nourish and care for you, assist you in accumulating your accolades and then send you off soaring up in the clouds, on your destined path for greatness. So, the next time your mum switches off your console and tells you to finish off some revision, stop and think before bellowing a bark! Take a moment to detach yourself from whatever trivial game your brain was engaged in and envision your mother’s perspective. Does she not want you to flourish in life? Does she not want to see your name flickering in the marvellous, extraordinary beacon of fame? I think so.

Compromise?

Sometimes the smart ones amongst us will visualise a method of compromise; you complete a task for your parents in promise for some quality time, along with the TV. That’s bound to work, right? Not only that but aiding in minute chores around the house can lead to some pleased and delighted parents, willing to reward you with whatever you may desire. When I was a teenager, a speedy wash of dad’s car would give me the privileges of a fresh, crispy five-pound note that was bound to accompany me on my next voyage to the games shop. In fact, in a recent survey conducted by the University of Cambridge, A staggering 82% of children claimed that even just one job around the house per week drastically improved their emotional sentiment towards their parents, ultimately providing a stronger bond and connection between parents and child.

Make a Change!

What are you waiting for? It’s your time to get on your parent’s good side and abandon the days of scolding: a moment to contemplate, a few deep breaths, a few simple chores – there you go, subduing the wrath of your parents just got immeasurably easier.

mark scheme:
page 14 - https://revisionworld.com/sites/revisionworld.com/files/imce/a20-C700U20-1-ms.pdf

(edited 12 months ago)