Help- I really like my friend and I'm planning a "grand romantic gesture" to prove it

Okay, so I feel kinda embarrassed even posting this on here but I've really fallen for my friend from Uni, we've known each other for a few years now. Her and her best mate who I lived with during Uni live about a hundred and fifty miles away and I'll go and see them like every month or so. I've always found her really attractive but the first few years I knew her I was just too shy, immature and clueless about women to try and tell her and to be honest, I'm really not the sort for flirting but I've made as much effort as I can the past few months. Always being very complimentary towards her, showing an interest in her life and family, dropping her messages. I was trying to be subtle and respectful, as bad as it sounds probably a little too much as she didn't even know I liked her. Whenever I go to my friend's house for the weekend me and her always sleep together in our friend's spare room, separate beds obviously, I always assumed she knew I liked her and to be honest I always liked the fact she trusted me enough to sleep in the same room with her but apparently she didn't even know I liked her. Anyway so her mate and her fiancé, who she met in the same house as me and her met and I'm also friends with, got married last weekend. I was a groomsman and she was a bridesmaid. I'll be honest, we all started drinking Prosecco at ten in the morning while we were getting changed at the wedding venue and I pretty much kept drinking for the whole day and I was really ****ed by the evening. This is really embarrassing but her family were guests at the evening reception and being ****ed and frankly quite stupid when I've had a drink I went up to her mum and for some reason thought it'd be a good idea to announce to her "I really fancy Ellie", incredibly her Mum was pretty agreeable to the whole thing. Anyway so I go over and tell my Friend later and she just assumed I was ****ed and just wanted to have sex with her. She politely declined and I just went and sat outside and felt sorry for myself for about an hour before going back to the AirBNB. I get back to there and message her at like two in the morning apologising, saying I could've handled the situation better but frankly I needed a drink to tell her how I really felt about her. We chatted for a while in the morning. Anyway so I message her best mate later and she tells me she just assumed I was drunk and wanted to sleep with her and she doesn't know I genuinely like her. So, her friend told me she's just not in right headspace right now which I'm worried might just be her way of sparing my feelings. Anyway, this is where we're at now. So, I could've just messaged her and told her how I feel but I decided I wanted to do things properly, we all went on holiday as a group in Greece before the wedding and she was reading some book and I was just chatting to her about whether she read a lot and what kind of things she read and she said she quite liked romance novels. So, here's my plan, I'm going to buy two tickets to go see the Rupaul's drag race convention in London and send them her in the mail with a letter telling her how I really feel. She knows it's really not my thing and it's not the kind of thing I'd usually do for someone so hopefully it'll show her how special she is to me, I'm going to say maybe she could go with a friend or her sister in the letter, obviously hoping she'll let me take her. I'm in two minds about whether this is a good idea as I feel it'll either be the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for her or alternatively make me look psychotic. Thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully respond with advice

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

tbh, no I wouldn't do that, sorry. You are setting yourself up for massive embarassment if she says no, and if she says yes you are putting pressure on yourself. Why bother with all that, when you could just hang out with her and make a move and see if she responds. Romantic gestures never worked for me, I've tried them a few times mate and I just got friend zoned every time (at best, once I got shouted at), but that's just me I guess.

Reply 2

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

I agree, you are putting them massively on the spot by starting with a big gesture. This will likely come completely of of the blue to them, (even if you think things have been leaning that way). Often it's enough to simply say "I really enjoyed X the other day, would you fancy going for a drink?". This gives them a safe 'out' without jeopardising the friendship or making things weird.

Good luck!

Reply 3

username6255808

8

Here some advice use paragraphs, reading the blob is a nightmare.

I can see where your coming from and trying to be romantic, doesn't really work out. She could reject what your trying to do and you'd feel bad. Could say yes and be on added pressure to make it go smoothly and still crash at the end and still be in the friend zone.

Try a different approach and go out to coffee just the two of you and talk properly. See where you stand with her.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by GetTwisted

Here some advice use paragraphs, reading the blob is a nightmare.

I can see where your coming from and trying to be romantic, doesn't really work out. She could reject what your trying to do and you'd feel bad. Could say yes and be on added pressure to make it go smoothly and still crash at the end and still be in the friend zone.

Try a different approach and go out to coffee just the two of you and talk properly. See where you stand with her.

Sorry about that, thank you anyway.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Admit-One

I agree, you are putting them massively on the spot by starting with a big gesture. This will likely come completely of of the blue to them, (even if you think things have been leaning that way). Often it's enough to simply say "I really enjoyed X the other day, would you fancy going for a drink?". This gives them a safe 'out' without jeopardising the friendship or making things weird.

Good luck!

Thanks for responding.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

tbh, no I wouldn't do that, sorry. You are setting yourself up for massive embarassment if she says no, and if she says yes you are putting pressure on yourself. Why bother with all that, when you could just hang out with her and make a move and see if she responds. Romantic gestures never worked for me, I've tried them a few times mate and I just got friend zoned every time (at best, once I got shouted at), but that's just me I guess.

Thanks for responding.

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Don't do it! She gave you her answer, she said no at the wedding and then she said she wasn't in the right place. She has literally said no twice, you don't need to 'prove' that you're interested in her, I think she knows. Back off and let your friendship survive.