How can I heal from this?

Long story short, I slept with someone I thought was a good friend of mine. I regretted it immediately and I think there was a part of me that thought it would bring us closer. Looking back, it was pretty obvious he wasn't really into me. I slept with him 2 more times following this, I guess I kinda thought we've done it once so why not. When I spoke to my friends about things,they'd advise me to stop overthinking things. I had a feeling he had someone else, he seemed unbothered at times, there was a lack of interest. After we had sex, I honestly felt used particularly the last time. I kinda felt like I was competing for his attention basically. I kept trying to convince myself he was the guy he pretended to be.

Well I found out I am the side chick and although he pretends he has money,he's pretty broke and was planning to ask me for money. When he told me about why he divorced his ex wife, I could tell she was the breadwinner. Then he told me about his ex wife always buying him shoes he didn't particular like(and still continued to wear despite complaining), I remember wondering why he didn't just buy his own shoes..but all makes sense now.

I would have basically ended up in the same predicament I was in with my ex except I wasn't in a relationship with him. I know I'm lucky to have found out about this stuff,but I am still very hurt by it. I can't even believe I let him get in my head,I'm usually really headstrong but I was admittedly feeling really lonely and let him in. Any advice is appreciated. I have cut ties with him without saying a word since he's not even worth it.

Hi girl!

How I see things is... if its not a definitive yes? Its a No.

Men are very black and white.

You cannot continue to sleep with a man hoping for things to transpire between you both and for him to take things seriously with you. Take accountability also, for agreeing to sleep with him. Men fall in love with women they invest in, emotionally and financially.

You kept giving him sex and he didn't even earn/ deserve it. Whilst I am not completely trying to blame you, I think its safe to say he isn't the right guy for you.

Secondly, you do not want to be with a broke man. Trust me. Splitting bills is all fun and games in the beginning but you will grow to resent him.

You want a man to provide and protect you. To make you his PRIORITY.

Stop giving yourself to men who have not earned the right to sit at the same table as you, unless they are going to fill up that table with something substantial.

Don't worry its normal, you will get over him. He isn't your friend. It will sting for a week or 2 and then you'll forget about him. Better now than being entangled with him 5-10 years later with nothing to show for it.

Broke and dusty men will never be worth the aggravation.

Block him. Delete his number. Focus on yourself and when it's your turn, the universe/God will send you the man who is just right for you and he'll give you all you've always wanted.

Keep your head up,

Much love!

Thank you! I copied and pasted this as a reminder when I feel a little down. So far I feel alot better. I have dated a broke man before and it was hell - so I won't be going down that road again. I also will never have sex with a guy again unless we've gone on some dates and it's clear he likes and respects me etc.

I don't know why I find it so hard to block him though. He messaged me today and I just rolled eyes and left it there. I muted him everywhere, but yeah I really need to block and delete.

I am so glad to hear you are beginning to feel a little better. Everything will work out just fine.

I've dated a cheap/broke guy before.

But when a man spoils you? The broke and cheap ones would seriously irk you.

Avoid sleeping with a guy at least for 6-7 dates. Please.

If he can't handle that, then he can go. A man who really likes you, will wait. And you are so worth the wait.

Would you be able to cope seeing him with another woman?

Just block him, if you want to move on and be one step closer to getting the right man. Control alt delete and block.

😇

Thanks. The crazy thing is that is how I operated before. I wouldn't do anything sexual with anyone until we went on several dates, but for some weird reason I thought I would do things differently after being single and not going on any dates for 3 years. I used to have a running joke with my friends that I was prude since I waited so long to lose my virginity and before this guy only slept with one other person.

I just spoke to my friend about this just now anddd I am blocking him ASAP. Thank you!!

I understand. It is not your fault. You just wanted to speed up the process of finding a connection.

This is the exception not the rule - it works rarely. In hindsight, men value what they work hard to obtain. Plus you want a disciplined man.

Maintain high standards and boundaries. The right guy will respect you, wait for you and spoil you too!

You've done me proud for blocking him.

💕