Not coping with my first graduate job-help needed!

Hi everyone and happy new year to you all!

I just wanted mainly to rant on here and hopefully maybe receive some advice surrounding a situation I am in currently.

So I graduated last summer with a 1st class (Hons) degree from a top Russell Group University and have always considered myself to be hard-working and like I'm generally 'good' at what I do, however my first job post graduation isn't really working out how I planned.

Now I am incredibly lucky that I managed to secure a place on one of the top graduate schemes in the country and basically thought my life was set, but things aren't really working out as planned. Having started the job in September, I am now entering my fifth month and still have no clue what I'm doing. Throughout the first couple of months I wasn't really given much guidance and essentially had no idea what I was meant to be doing on the day to day unless someone painted it out to me entirely, but I thought this lack of clarity would be something that would improve as time went on. However, after 4 months I am still at a complete loss. I come into work every day with virtually no idea what I'm doing. I have also been placed in an office completely on my own, so I have no one to talk to and I end up staring at the wall for virtually 8 hours a day. On the odd occasion that some work does come my way, I'm also not finding it very exciting so my mental health has really been suffering due to feeling completely isolated and mind-numbingly bored (I'm struggling to cope with such a lack of mental stimulation after engaging with such a complex degree).

Now today it has come to light that not only am I disliking this job but my manager is struggling to see what impact I'm having in the workplace. After a 1:1 meeting with her today she suggested she was concerned about my mental health and worried whether this job is for me because I seem quite disinterested in it and behind where I should be at this stage. She says that graduates in the past in this job have been thriving much more by this stage and she just doesn't think my personality is gelling with the role. Whilst I do silently agree with what she's said as I've been thinking the same for months, I'm struggling to hear this as I have never once in my life been told I'm not good at something, whether it be my work or even my part time jobs, I've always been a high performer. Given this I just wondered if anyone had any advice, should I seriously consider whether this job is for me and look at alternative options or just keep battling through it?

Many thanks for any advice )

I'm afraid you need to take a long hard look at yourself and reconsider a few things. You've 'always been a high performer', but clearly not a self-starter if you can't describe what you should be doing in a job 5 months in. You may have performed well in very structured, spoon-fed environments, but can you operate outside that? Why haven't you managed to build your own job structure, if you couldn't see one provided? Do you need that structure to be given to you - because if so, it's going to take some re-think career wise.

So two options - learn how to create your own structure and goals and self-manage your work place more, or find a much more structured role (ie not one that has a managerial route).

As someone, who has tried a few graduate jobs in my time I can honestly say that I faced similar issues. I think some workplaces, especially these top grad schemes, can expect a lot without necessarily being the most supportive to anyone that struggles. I certainly found myself in a sink or swim situation on multiple occasions and despite asking for support or seeking work from my line manager, I absolutely dreaded work and couldn't wait to get out of there.

Firstly, try and seek support and maybe ask your manager, what you need to work on and set some targets you can work towards. If you're also struggling mentally, don't be afraid to seek medical advice as it can I know how the anxiety and dread of work affected me.

If things are still not working out, you may need to consider if this is the career path for you. As someone got an Engineering degree with the goal to get into Engineering, I worked hard to get several different roles in the field. I first completed a placement year in one sector and this is where my problems started, I absolutely hated it and would have quit if there wasn't an end date. I then got a graduate job after leaving uni and only lasted a few weeks, granted COVID was also having a significant impact on my mental health but it was not working at all for the same reasons. I then applied to another graduate job in yet another sector and I faced the exact same issues again and the dread and fear of work only persisted. It was the third time that I finally decided that Engineering careers were not for me. It was a hard and terrifying realisation to come to as the thing I had spent basically all my life working towards all fell through. I felt like a total failure and it certainly took its toll on me mentally.

Now I am currently in a role in an entirely different sector (teaching) and all the fear and hatred of work is gone. Sure, it's hard at times and certainly challenging but I am thriving so much more and while it was hard to come to that choice, it was absolutely the right thing to do! I'm not saying throw the towel in just yet but don't worry if this isn't the career path for you. If you've given it as much as you can and its not working out then it might not be for you. I went through a lot of doubts, fear and worry when I should have listened to my gut instinct the whole time. You can't hate work to their point of dread as you are going to be doing it for a significant part of your life.

Sorry for the wall of text but, just wanted to let you know, you're not the only one who has felt like this.