What do you think about my boyfriend's attitude towards sex?

You have said it yourself he was a virgin before he met you, and isnt very confident in the bedroom, sounds like he is still learning.

When I was with my first GF, we were both virgins. I have a VERY high sex drive, so I was always the one initiating everything, and felt like I was basically teaching her everything, as even though I hadn't had sex before I knew what to do. I see what you mean, but dont take his lack of initiating as a sign he doesnt want to have sex, but use it as an opportunity to teach him stuff and nudge him in the right direction. Hopefully now that you have told him how you feel he can improve in future.

With my current GF its the opposite, shes older then me and more experienced and has a sex drive to match (shame shes on the other side of the world though..).

Also I personally don't understand how he's not keen on giving you oral, as its so amazing I could eat it all day...

No. Sex is no more intimate than oral sex or cuddling. He probably thinks he wants to do right by you by not pushing sex. My boyfriend prefers oral sex and cuddling to actual sex anyway. He initiates oral sex - he finds you attractive. Your relationship is not fully physical though hence the cuddling and just spending time together. I think he's sweet.
If I want sex, I'll suggest it. I don't understand how upset you are.

Also, fear of pregnancy/hurting you can put men off as well as no wanting to be seen as some sort of sexual predator. Many girls complain that their boyfriends want sex too much. He just wants to please you

Finally convinced your gay best friend to have a crack or wuut? Perhaps try having a conversation about how he found/finds it when you did/do have sex?..

If you're a virgin, or at all tight, I can kinda understand why he wouldn't want to force it in there every 5 mins! *winces*

"If it's such a chore perhaps we'll stick to oral and I'll see someone else about my kitty"

Sounds like he isn't anywhere near as confident as you OP. If you ask him something and he's come up with what would be the standard 'correct' response (I know I used to) and you then get angry about it, it doesn't help the confidence thing.

IMO have a chat about it.

While i'm sure sex is an important part of a realationship, would you prefer that it was the only part? He sounds like a honestly nice guy (if somewhat cheesy), and also a litle shy. He doesn't have to be the one to initiate sex either, maybe he prefers you to be the dominant one? Not meaning to insult, but you come off slightly ungrateful here. He seems to be trying to get it right with you, and not mess it up by turning your relationship into a sex fest and nothing more. However, if your sure that you're not getting a healthy balance, talk to him about it. He could just be unsure (as you said that you have more experience than him) Explain what you like, how you like it and maybe he'll do the same. Hopefully, that will get you back on track. I'd hang on to this one if I were you, he sounds like a keeper.

I'm not meaning to come off as ungrateful. Remember a lot of the time when people come on these forums, they're fixed on getting help with a specific problem/feeling, so might not necessarily talk about all the things that they do appreciate. I am mad about him.

I think he does prefer me to be dominant. A weird thing happened after this talk/fight though. We hadn't discussed anything sexual again, but I'd been thinking about something in particular I'd like him to try next time around. So next time around - he did this without me even mentioning it! And I did something new to him too. Something clicked.

The thing is (and I'm not trying to be ungrateful here!), while it was wildly passionate, there still wasn't much of an emotional connection. And I think thats why I was concerned about his feelings on intimacy (without really realising at the time). He closes his eyes during sex but I'd like him to look at me sometimes for a deeper connection. In general its pretty much always lustful as opposed to romantic (even though our external relationship is really romantic?)...but anyway, I will 'hang in' as you say. Relationships take time and discovery.

Fair enough. I hope it all works out for you!

Would appreciate a bit more advice if possible, from LoftyRin and/ or others.

I think you were right about him wanting to get it right with me/also possibly about him preferring me to be dominant. Example: last time I was with him, he moved into missionary but looked a bit awkward doing it (which kind of ruins the sexy feel of the moment - eg. I'm quite excited when we're getting down to it, but he seemed a bit withdrawn)...beforehand I'd asked him which position he wanted to go for and he responded 'I don't mind.' I brought up this up at a later point, saying that it comes across that he's not bothered about our sex life. I felt like he was bored to be honest. He said that in saying 'I don't mind' he meant that he just wants to make me happy and so will go along with whatever I want to do.

Obviously, this is such a nice thing to hear. He wants to let me call the shots in order to please me as much as possible. But I want him to express what he likes and wants to do as well, because at least that way I'd know he was enjoying himself. And I like him to take control sometimes not only because I needing that from him occasionally, but also because I'm more able to embrace him/be closer to him in that position. A really good point is that there has been more intimacy/an effort to be more emotionally close since I last posted.

I'm just trying to get it right. But his passivity is off-putting, because he doesn't seem excited. Surely guys wouldn't be happy with a sex life that involved him doing whatever the woman wanted all the time? Some male perspective on this would be good also? The last thing I wanted is for this to become a major stumbling block.

Okay, look. He's inexperienced, probably shy and unsure of himself. It's not easy for everyone to 'let go', as it were. So I'd say just give it time and don't pressure him, he'll get it eventually.

I'm a guy btw.

Thanks. What will he 'get'? Do you mean to not feel as awkward when dominating me?

And he is quite shy outside the bedroom. I've not been pressuring me/quite the opposite since I first posted. I hope that's helped...

Thanks. What will he 'get'? Do you mean to not feel as awkward when dominating me?

And he is quite shy outside the bedroom. I've not been pressuring me/quite the opposite since I first posted. I hope that's helped...

Yeah exactly. He clearly respects you a lot, and he probably feels uncomfortable about dominating.

I guess maybe try and tease him etc, see if you can build up the sexual tension a bit more? Or just wait and let him get a bit more comfortable around you.