I guess I can say the things I wouldn't tell people in real life...(I wouldn't talk to friends/family about my feelings)
I'm the sort of person who you'd think of as the happiest and most confident person. And at times I am happy, when I'm laughing with friends and I can distract myself from the emptiness I feel inside. But the darkness always comes flooding in again and then it's all I can see and focus on. The world becomes grey – devoid of feeling and enjoyment. I'm not sad. There's an absence of joy.
I am disgusted by myself. This self-disgust makes me want to rip my face off in anger – why am I so disgusting? So in this state I retreat as I cannot bare to be around people. I think too much, it's a curse. I think so much it drives me mad. The problem is that sometimes I get tired of living in this rut...
Alas I continue; I struggle through this wretched existence for one day it will end.
That's how I'm feeling right now.