Anybody else feel incredibly lonely at university?

pms... ignore... i like catz

(edited 7 years ago)

Same here. I'm sat on my bed hearing people laughing and talking outside, but I feel like I've done all I really can to try and make friends. My course is filled with internationals who only hang out with their own friends with whom they came to the UK. I don't click with anybody in any of my seminar groups.
Literally all I have is my flatmates, who have made their own friends already. Once my flat stops hanging out together I guess it's back to 4 more years of isolation and loneliness. I'm only 2 weeks into my course and I feel like there's nothing I can do and that friendship groups are already firmly established

Reply 2

_howl

Original post by BirdIsWord

My thoughts exactly.

Reply 3

xylas

yup uni life is definitely not all it is made out to be...

My advice: join a society and make friends with the first or second person u meet even if they are not normally who you go for. Then as you keep going with the society you can either keep going with that person, meet some of their friends or just go on an organised trip with loads of new ppl. As long as u keep at something every week or so, u are sure to at the very least meet someone u get on with and the rest should flow from there...

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 4

severingsnapes

Oh my God if this thread isn't me. I've been here for about 3 weeks now but I've only made one sort of friend and I'm not exactly sure how far it will go. I've joined societies and yes, there are nice people in them but I just haven't clicked with anyone properly yet. I'm not really close with my flatmates, people on my course either don't seem like my sort of people or already have friendship groups or I just don't see them often enough to establish anything. I feel really miserable even though I'm forcing myself to go along to practises and training and meet people because it's just so draining. I'm just not an outgoing person and I just feel like I need someone to have with me to talk to because at least at home, I have my family and I really like being around them.
I totally get what you mean and I know how annoying it is to hear it but I suppose it just takes time. Slowly, cliques do form and you'll be in them. Maybe try a society that sounds really inclusive and geeky even if you're not that interested in it like knitting, board games, quidditch etc.
If you ever need to talk, I'll be right here to vent with you! I feel this pain.

Reply 5

JustGeorgeJ

Original post by _howl

I can't help but feel depressed about being alone all the time. I do understand that it is my fault for not putting in the effort to talk to people, but it's so rare that I like someone and actually see them again since there are so many people doing the same modules. I don't know. I've spoken to a few people, but they just don't 'click'. It's so strange to see people with their cliques and mates having a great time whilst I just sip away on my coffee in the corner. It's sad. There are very few girls, most of whom are either obnoxious extroverts, or seem to only be interested in studying and hanging out with people like themselves. Sigh. Anybody else relate?

Hello

,

I'm sorry to hear about this. It's a shame to know that you are feeling alone at university - however, it isn't all that uncommon. I do personally believe everybody has some form of feeling lonely whilst at university - depending on the situation and then there are people that feel it more commonly because of situations.

The good thing is that you've identified that it could have been altered if you'd have put more effort into speaking to people - it's a shame that you find it hard to form connections with people and as you said, you find it 'rare' that you 'like someone' which creates a lot of problems because it creates a narrow view on the kind of people that you want to approach and talk to - I'd suggest working on this view point or you may find university and extremely lonely journey.

At the same time, attempt to talk to people on your course a little more - there is always a point of conversation there as you can ask them about the work you are doing, how they are studying, if they'd like to study with you etc. If not, talk to people in your halls / flat (if you live in halls) and invite them to have a coffee or go out for dinner etc. Finally, why not try joining university societies with interests that you like? You may find people there that you like.

If you are still struggling, I'd talk to student support and see what advice they can give you. However, even though you are lonely, you don't sound motivated to a change it. Sure, you've identified the problem because you have an acceptance to the way you are feeling - student advice may be able to help you see things different, broaden your horizons and views points for people to talk to.

Good luck - hope your situation changes! :smile:

Reply 6

shawn_o1

OP it's good that you're trying to do something about it, I didn't and ended up with just 3 months of work in something I didn't really like (but I've found a new opportunity and I'm making the most of it while I can).
Like others have mentioned, you don't necessarily need to be friends with coursemates. You can PM me if you need any ideas since I'm familiar with where you're studying :biggrin:

but because I'm busy I can only reply in the evenings

Reply 7

LizzieTwoShoes

Before I came to university I pretty much spent my time alone or with my partner anyway so it kinda feels the same to me here, so I'm not feeling that lonely. I'm also quite busy most of the time with class/cooking/cleaning/shopping/societies/spending time with my partner and studying.

I've not made any 'friends' on my course yet but I do say hey etc to quite a few people if I pass them in class. I'm also friends with one of my flat mates which I'm really glad about.

Have you joined any societies? I joined the choir with my flat mate and I'm also taking German classes. Societies are great as it gets you talking to others.

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Reply 8

Elastichedgehog

Same situation. Not met anyone on my course :s-smilie:

I've got friends outside of the course, flatmates, people from other apartments. It's just getting kind of old sitting in the lectures by myself. I get kind of anxious in lectures I think so usually sit at the back on the edge, so that doesn't help.

I'm not too worried, it just seems like people made friends so easily in comparison haha

Reply 9

Thalassa29

I started uni two weeks ago. I was excited at the beginning but as the time goes, I feel like I'm getting more and more disconnected towards my classmates. I do have a few friends from college but we're on different schedules that we just occasionally see each other.

I am pretty awkward when it comes to talking to people but I do try. I have a few acquiantances but there were a couple who have looked at me weirdly. I tried to talk to some of them earlier and they gave me that "look" again. Now that we need to team up for a project, I don't know if I'll perform well. I guess I'll be a chameleon again.

I'll end my post here. I apologise for ranting.

Reply 10

undine_monty

I thought I was the only one who felt like this! It's comforting to know I'm not alone, well not alone online :biggrin:

I met someone on my course last week and I thought we really hit it off and she even asked for my number but when I wanted us to go to the Fresher's Fayre together, she blew me off for her flatmates. I was upset at first but now I have an 'IDGAF' mentality. If I don't care, I don't feel the pain of rejection as much, if at all. During my GCSEs, I had no friends in 3 of my classes and I still got on fine and I was definitely more focused on my work. I could do the same thing now with no problem. I thought when I got to uni, I'd be able to shake the label of the girl that never talks, the quiet girl. It's not seeming very likely anymore :s-smilie:

. I do try though.

In my flat, we don't even talk to each other. We all eat at different times, leave at different times. We're basically strangers living together in one flat. The only reason we know each other's names is because the RA put labels of our names on our doors when we moved in. I haven't even seen 2 of my 5 flatmates. Up until yesterday, I was convinced that there was only 4 people in the flat because I never heard this 5th person or saw any trace of their presence till I heard her talking in her language to a friend.

I joined one society at Fresher's Fayre, the Harry Potter society and the first meeting is tommorow. I hope to find my first actual friend there and I'm willing to keep attending the meetings as well since I like Harry Potter.

Reply 11

The_Internet

Not at uni any more but...yes, but it's a different kind of loneliness that you're talking about I guess

Reply 12

bobb99998

Original post by xylas

This a good point. Don't give anybody the cold shoulder just because you think they are weird. Better to talk to someone than have to deal with being on your own. Two weeks is not the end. Keep on going, talk to random people and just mix.