He knows how I feel, and he doesn't feel the same - so why does he flirt?

He's known I like him for months now. He would have asked me out if he felt the same. Also, he's kinda out of my league anyway. I'd just end up embarassing myself.

lol its usually guys that are out of the girls league. You need to have more self confidence. Guys don't like girls who lack self confidence.

This...coming from a guy.

Guys want a challenge. If you make it seem to him that you're easy for him to get then obv he will lose some interest. We are inherently hardwired to "fight" for our mate and/or achieve or win them over somehow...not have them presented to us on a silver platter.

So yeah, more self confidence on your part can maybe turn this around for you. Show him that you aren't some girl he can "use" (i use this word lightly here) whenever he wants.

I hope everything works out well for you OP.
I know exactly how you are feeling!
I liked a guy for 9 years and still do. He is one of my closest friends and we spent more time over the summer there.
That made me constantly wonder if he liked me and made me think about him ALL the time. All my friends could see it and said that I should just tell him.
I cant believe that I did it but I confessed everything to him. I got rejected and it still really hurts (this was only 3 weeks ago). I still don't feel like I can move on.
Yet at the same time I feel so proud of actually having the confidence to tell him and now I know where I stand and I will never have to wonder "what if".
I'm glad I took the risk and it's also made me think that he's really childish about how he has acted about it all and he pretty much played me with the way he had been acting.
I haven't met up with him since and I'm pretty scared, but I don't want to lose him.
I just wanted to share my story and let you know you're not alone.
I know how you feel and it sucks! Hope this helps in some way

He's known I like him for months now. He would have asked me out if he felt the same. Also, he's kinda out of my league anyway. I'd just end up embarassing myself.

I've liked this guy for 8.5 years. We met at a swim club and used to be close friends. As we used to both swim competitively, we ended up spending a lot of time together, both in the pool, and on the poolside, especially during all day swimming galas. We get along great, and I think that if I was prettier, we would probably have ended up together. (I'm somewhat plain looking and skinny, whereas he's ridiculously good looking, smart, confident, studing medicine and I know he could do better anyway). We share lots of interests, and he always talked to me more than the others over the years.

He's at uni now and I'm on a gap year, so we don't see each-other as much (though he's in the same city) however the fact I have quite a bit of free time compared to last year means I'm thinking about him a lot more. (I've had 6 sex dreams about him in 8 or so months). He's starting training more often than when he first left for uni, and he's been continually flirting with me, even though he knows I like him and he doesn't feel the same. (My 'friend' told everyone I had feelings for him so he definitely knows).

Examples of him flirting include: he puts his arms around my waist and drags me towards him when we're on the poolside. He asks me jokingly why I haven't been coming swimming lately and that it's more boring when I'm not there. When I ask why it's more boring he replies that he has no-one to wind up. He'll squirt cold water from his water bottle on me when my back is turned / before I'm about to dive. He doesn't do this to anyone else, and he seems to have stepped up the flirting since the 'friend' told everyone I liked him.

Since he found out, I've been annoyed at the fact he's stepped up the flirting, when I know he doesn't feel the same. He's not exactly shy, so it's hardly that he likes me but is scared of rejection (he asked out a new girl to our lane a few months back but she had a boyf and doesn't swim anymore. For a while he flirted with her before going back to flirting with me when she left the club).

I just don't know if he's mocking me / making fun of me or what. I'm not sure if he does it for an ego boost (he's really confident so I can't imagine why he would) or for the heck of it. Either way, I've been a bit off with him as a result, and had hoped he'd realise why. I'm not sure he has. I just want to tell him to stop flirting with me when he's not romantically interested because it ****ing hurts, clearly leaving out the fact I've liked him for 8.5 years. I kinda liked the attention at first I admit, but it's gone too far now. I don't want things to get mega awkward between us, and I don't want to quit swimming because I have other friends there I get on with and it's the only sport I like. I also want to be able to move on, because whilst I've been in a relationship before and have liked other guys, I guess I haven't felt the same way about anyone as I do about him.

well, either he's naturally like that or he's just prolonging your feelings for him. either way, you've expressed your dislike for his flirting. so it's essentially in your hands. distance yourself from him. if there is no chance at all, why torture yourself?

I normally go swimming on a friday but I didn't want to go today. In a way I wish some hot girl would join our lane so he could flirt with her instead, but when I think about it more, I would probably get jealous. Thing is, although I don't want him to flirt with me, I don't really want him flirting with anyone.

The best way to get over someone is bringing someone else into the equation. Either you try and move onto someone else (open your eyes! there are PLENTY more fish in the sea, you're just in a state of mind that is not willing at the moment).

Or he hooks up with another girl, you'll feel a stab of pain initially but it should help you get over him very quickly. Usually the thought of someone being into somebody is very off putting.

But yeah, spend less time together.

I can't help but think it will take a ridiculously long time for me to get over him. I will have to quit swimming when I go to uni next year, so not seeing him then will help.
I have the feeling I will never forget him though.

You will. It's one of those things that you can never imagine happening but it will and once it happens once in your life. You're more able to tell yourself you're able to get out of a sticky situation again. You can imagine a better time in the future much better and that helps. As much as people deny, moving on does usually require moving another person, to put your energies in. Leave swimming club asap, meet new people. Lots of new people. And really focus on this guy's negative traits (nobody's perfect, right?) and find people who don't have these traits or are the opposite and really appreciate them-at least try to.

I know guys generally like confident girls that play hard to get etc but he's just not interested. No amount of game playing will change that. I don't really respond to his flirting anymore. He sometimes takes it as me in a bad mood though.
His ex-girlfriend was stunning. I'd link to her fb page but if anyone coming across this thread knew her they might guess who I am.

You're very wrong. I'm a guy, we get rejected A LOT. Unless you're very good looking and are in a very good situation, most girls will be generally "not interested" as you describe it. But hey at least he flirts with you, you're at least ahead of the game.

If he flirts with you, he is interested, even if just a little bit.

We constantly have to prove to girls that were interesting and unique and funny. Girls rarely have to do this, and when the opportunity arises and you DO have to impress a guy, you just go to your corner, cry and say to yourself "he's just not interested"?

Wrong approach. But I don't think you're looking for the right approach, because on most threads like this that I give advice, most people will follow it and post updates, but you haven't. All you've done is argued with people over and over again.

Everyone offers you a different solution to your problem and you shoot everybody down with a different excuse every time. The truth is, you don't want a solution, you want things to say the way the are. If you wanted things to change bad enough you would change them.

Am I closer to the truth now?

The truth is, I don't know what I want. I've not done anything about it since posting this thread because I haven't been swimming this week at all, because I'm not sure what to do about the whole thing. (I'm probbably also trying to run away from the situation). I keep weighing up the pros and cons of each possible solution and get confused as to which would be the best choice.
I can undestand your reasoning though. I've always been an indecisive person, and I know I should probably change that about myself, but I find it difficult.

You clearly don't want to win him over badly enough, but if you won't do that, at least get over him because I believe he's dragging you down. He's dragging down your self confidence and that affects you as a person.

Who cares if you lose a few swimming "friends" and like a good pool or coach or whatever, you'll gain A LOT more in the long run. Meet new people and try to forget him. It's been 8 years...it's time to do something.

I've decided on a plan of action:

1). Tell him that I'd prefer it if he not flirt with me. (I have swimming later, so I willl tell him then).
2). If he doesn't stop by the end of the month, or if things get too awkward, I'll quit swimming.

I have a feeling I'll probably quit though, as I think you're right. It's not doing any favours for my self-esteem (or rather lack of).

Thanks for your help. :-)

glad you've decided what to do about it. + hope it works out

It's ok to take the courage and confess your feelings with someone that you like. But then blaming them for being childish is just a plain excuse to put the responsibility to their shoulders instead of yours. You are responsible for your feelings, for your hope that something will come true, and that is just your expectation.

When your mind is intoxicated with all those expectations, those scenarios that your amazing feminine imagination conjures up in a manner that not even the most intelligent man can figure out, it is likely to induce illusion to whatever you see and perceive from that person. Every of his action, even the smallest smile can be interpreted to be a flirt.

It is the core of feminine nature to run away from responsibility, and find for herself a victim to bear that consequence.