British Chinese - 22 years old. Total lack of experience with girls.

So yeah, I have wrote this thread because I want some answers/perspective as to how I should improve this now terrible state of affairs where I have had zero experience with girls.

I just turned 22 recently entering my final year of university where the workload means I have to work long hours on what is a very demanding subject.

I am by no means a physically unattractive guy. I have a good sense of style and I'm not ugly so that is not too bad on that regard.

But, I must admit, my social skills suck. My flatmate who is also my friend puts it down to the fact that i have very little charisma and i'm boring (she was telling me honestly because i asked her).

I want to work on it, but I am just ****ing scared of getting rejected. Sometimes I go to clubs with my mates , and the girls look at me like 'Wtf? Ewww, get away from me'.

Furthermore, I do get racist idiots saying **** like bruce lee at me all of the time, but i am used to that and just amog them back. Because the thing is, I look and talk like a normal guy and I don't really appear weak... I am fine in that regard because I am quite mentally tough. I do come across a lot of aggressive/racist idiots, but tbh, I am fine because having been bullied before in high school, I learnt to really toughen up and start defending myself.

My problem with women, however, has caused me to be very frustrated with my life. Added with the fact that I am struggling to get a job even with good grades and experience, I just feel terrible. It is really a torment that occurs everyday in my mind, I see others pulling girls easily and I have been left behind.

Yes, I had a very conservative upbringing and wasn't allowed to go out and socialise at all until I was 18. I think that really stunted my development. Whereas my friends were allowed to go to the gym, play sports, go to parties and generally learn how to adapt to their changing lives, I was left behind and only started this stuff way later.

I think I can do well because girls do not find me hideous and I have found it alright flirting with them before. So, don't be mistaken, I am not some hideous repellant to girls. However, I think I need a direction and perspective.

Reply 1

Munchies-YumYum

You don't have to be rejected, just see it more as getting to know the person rather than to keep constantly thinking about sticking your D in her V. It's the reason you most likely act nervous, because you want it badly.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 2

jethro5

Why do you feel the need to be anonymous though? What have you got to hide?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by jethro5

Why do you feel the need to be anonymous though? What have you got to hide?

Simply because my friends use this site.

Reply 4

jethro5

Original post by Anonymous

Simply because my friends use this site.

so what girls do you go for?

and do you think english girls like asian guys?

Reply 5

Dukeofwembley

i just saw a chinese looking guy with a fit looking blond

get wedge, get some drink and go for the fat girls, then work yourself up

never ignore a pretty girl, even if you creep her out

remember in a girls head, your a creep if you dont approach, and just say your name is Big Wang

(edited 11 years ago)

inb4 mr smurf

Just dress well, and take pride in your appearance. The rest will come with an improved confidence and self esteem levels.

It's as easy as that really. Obvious isn't that easy, but it seems like you lack self esteem and that above will get it back (it takes time obviously) but you got to act like you are the prize, not the hot girl.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by jethro5

so what girls do you go for?

and do you think english girls like asian guys?

I don't really have a type, I like a girl if I find her attractive.

And yes, I do think English girls like Asian guys because I have seen plenty of couples, a lot in my generation.

But, it's just me, I'm personally struggling because I tend to receive a lot of hate for no reason other than my race when I go out. It brings out the worst in me.

Reply 9

jethro5

Anonymous, what do you study or do for a living?

What have you tried so far to get girls?

Reply 10

Really_now

14

I'd start with small steps, try interacting with girls on your course, outside lectures and when it's over. Are you a part of any societies? Interact with the girls there too. You need to boost your confidence bro.

Don't listen to idiots calling you Bruce Lee, and anyway spin it around, Bruce Lee was awesome.

Reply 11

effofex

18

Do not ask the women out. Let them ask you out.

I am 23 and have never had a girlfriend - it's not compulsory, you know?

Reply 12

a10

19

Original post by Anonymous

So yeah, I have wrote this thread because I want some answers/perspective as to how I should improve this now terrible state of affairs where I have had zero experience with girls.

I just turned 22 recently entering my final year of university where the workload means I have to work long hours on what is a very demanding subject.

I am by no means a physically unattractive guy. I have a good sense of style and I'm not ugly so that is not too bad on that regard.

But, I must admit, my social skills suck. My flatmate who is also my friend puts it down to the fact that i have very little charisma and i'm boring (she was telling me honestly because i asked her).

I want to work on it, but I am just ****ing scared of getting rejected. Sometimes I go to clubs with my mates , and the girls look at me like 'Wtf? Ewww, get away from me'.

Furthermore, I do get racist idiots saying **** like bruce lee at me all of the time, but i am used to that and just amog them back. Because the thing is, I look and talk like a normal guy and I don't really appear weak... I am fine in that regard because I am quite mentally tough. I do come across a lot of aggressive/racist idiots, but tbh, I am fine because having been bullied before in high school, I learnt to really toughen up and start defending myself.

My problem with women, however, has caused me to be very frustrated with my life. Added with the fact that I am struggling to get a job even with good grades and experience, I just feel terrible. It is really a torment that occurs everyday in my mind, I see others pulling girls easily and I have been left behind.

Yes, I had a very conservative upbringing and wasn't allowed to go out and socialise at all until I was 18. I think that really stunted my development. Whereas my friends were allowed to go to the gym, play sports, go to parties and generally learn how to adapt to their changing lives, I was left behind and only started this stuff way later.

I think I can do well because girls do not find me hideous and I have found it alright flirting with them before. So, don't be mistaken, I am not some hideous repellant to girls. However, I think I need a direction and perspective.

you just need to work on your confidence go out more have fun dont worry about girls worry about having fun. Start speaking to more people (including girls) just go up to them and introduce yourself talk over a few drinks get to know them and talk about things you find fun dont talk about studying in great detail if you talk about studying it should be either a conversation starter ie "Hey i recall seeing you (somewhere) after my lecture and thought you were cute so i came over say Hi" you get the idea....and whenever you talk to girls if you do it right usually when you talk about a topic and you bring up something which happens to be something the girl is passionate about she will start talking more thats when you sit back *listen* and continue the convo from there if its starting to get dry bring up a random subject like past relationships etc. Basically just go out more and talk to girls the more you do it the better you become :wink:

mix this tips with touching her, eye contact you will be a natural :biggrin:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 13

a10

19

Original post by effofex

Do not ask the women out. Let them ask you out.

I am 23 and have never had a girlfriend - it's not compulsory, you know?

that's why your single then...you do know most girls will not ask you out even if they like you. You have to make the effort in the first place to ask her out...if you never do and just wait for one girl to ask you out one day chances are your going to wait a very long time.

Reply 14

effofex

18

Original post by a10

that's why your single then...you do know most girls will not ask you out even if they like you. You have to make the effort in the first place to ask her out...if you never do and just wait for one girl to ask you out one day chances are your going to wait a very long time.

OK, but the OP here says that he is scared of rejection and does not want to risk this. If so, then he should not do the asking and let the girls who are interested ask him out. If these girls do not have the courage to do so, then ultimately that is their loss.

Reply 15

a10

19

Original post by effofex

OK, but the OP here says that he is scared of rejection and does not want to risk this. If so, then he should not do the asking and let the girls who are interested ask him out. If these girls do not have the courage to do so, then ultimately that is their loss.

Broo you need to get out and speak to girls!!! Fear of rejection is what i call "Bitch butterflies" every guy see's a girl they like and make silly excuses to cover up their fears things like "oh no i might embarrass myself so i wont go and talk to her" or the most common one "I dont think she's my type anyway so I wont bother" however its perfectly normal and it happens to 99% of guys at some point in their lives every guy was scared of rejection. Rejection is something you overcome once you get over it your unstoppable because it wont bother you. It's not even as bad as guys think it is it literally lasts for seconds so just laugh about it afterwards. Just have fun :smug:

Reply 16

KayleighG

1

I can understand what you mean about having rubbish social skills. I have a social anxiety disorder which means I struggle to have friendships and even talk to boys. However recently I've been talking to people online, from which I now have a lot of very close friends. Now I'm not saying try internet dating because some people are not comfortable with that, but maybe adding some of your friends, friends on Facebook or chatting to people you know from university on Facebook. It really helped me just over come the "I never know what to say in person" thing. Plus online you can be whoever you want to be, you can let your true self out without being judged for it. Hope I've helped! :biggrin:

Reply 17

effofex

18

Original post by a10

Broo you need to get out and speak to girls!!! Fear of rejection is what i call "Bitch butterflies" every guy see's a girl they like and make silly excuses to cover up their fears things like "oh no i might embarrass myself so i wont go and talk to her" or the most common one "I dont think she's my type anyway so I wont bother" however its perfectly normal and it happens to 99% of guys at some point in their lives every guy was scared of rejection. Rejection is something you overcome once you get over it your unstoppable because it wont bother you. It's not even as bad as guys think it is it literally lasts for seconds so just laugh about it afterwards. Just have fun :smug:

Ok - that's all very nice, but you should be addressing this to the OP.

Also, you need to determine what force is stronger:

a) his fear of rejection, or
b) his desire to have a girlfriend.

If it is the latter, then he should take your advice. If it is the former, then he should stop wanting to have a girlfriend.

Reply 18

jethro5

Original post by effofex

Ok - that's all very nice, but you should be addressing this to the OP.

Also, you need to determine what force is stronger:

a) his fear of rejection, or
b) his desire to have a girlfriend.

If it is the latter, then he should take your advice. If it is the former, then he should stop wanting to have a girlfriend.