Girls and Dates

As a male who hasnt had a gf yet, i was wondering the other day, there are so many girls out there that im yet to meet/could meet i dont feel as though im ready to jump straight into a relationship with the first girl that i go on a date with.

Im just wondering how girls would feel about a guy going on dates with multiple girls (i wont sleep with them as id like to lose that with someone who cares about me) would that put me seen as a player or just playing the field? Does it have negative connotations?

Just asking as a) id like to hear peoples opinion on it, b) id like to meet someone i really connect with or get along well with as if i get with the first person i meet id feel a little like im settling.

Its just that at 22, ive spent 2 years really trying to improve my confidence and at the same time trying to go on dates and alas nothing has occured. After turning 22 i've decided to put more effort in trying to meet someone (which in effect is counter productive as it can come across as being desperate but still) i want to get out there and meet people, expand my social circle (primarily of girls of course) as the girls that i meet though they may seem potential partners at first im sure a few of them would like to still be my friend. Hopefully. As you can never have too many friends imo. Its got to a point where i dont give a **** anymore, im just gonna speak to as many girls and see what happens. Im not gonna gonout with my mates promarily to talk to girls as thats deaperate but going out and having fun, and if the opportunity arises ill talk to someone.

Is it ok to play the field, am i ok to be a little bit apprehensive about jumping straight into a relationship with the first girl i meet? As she may think im cheating on her (even tho not being together) by seeing someone else at the same time ( same reason why im a little apprehensive about asking a girl out who is already seeing someone, not dating seeing) Your thoughts?!

Reply 1

twittw00

I completely understand your worry about looking like a so called "player" and all that. And I understand you not wanting to just settle down with the first girl you find. The only problem with going on multiple dates with multiple girls is hurting their feelings, because you may find that they like you and then they hear of you going on a date with someone else - Heartbreak City!
What I would say is the best thing to do is to just start talking to girls, get to know them before your heart decides on who it loves, then you take that girl out for numerous dates (if you really like her). If it doesn't go well, then the process will just have to start again, get to know another girl. And I know I'm making this sound really insensitive, but honestly I don't mean it to sound so mechanistic. Anywhere that there's emotions involved, it's difficult, no matter what it is!
There's a saying that goes something like:
If you go looking for love, you'll never find it. But if you just let it happen, it'll find you.

So there you go. Love just happens, it's not something you can make happen. After all, it's one of the strongest emotions. But get to know some girls as friends - That's how I met my boyfriend (and we've been together for 2 years now)

Good luck! :smile:

Reply 2

Cheech23

OP

6

Original post by twittw00

I completely understand your worry about looking like a so called "player" and all that. And I understand you not wanting to just settle down with the first girl you find. The only problem with going on multiple dates with multiple girls is hurting their feelings, because you may find that they like you and then they hear of you going on a date with someone else - Heartbreak City!
What I would say is the best thing to do is to just start talking to girls, get to know them before your heart decides on who it loves, then you take that girl out for numerous dates (if you really like her). If it doesn't go well, then the process will just have to start again, get to know another girl. And I know I'm making this sound really insensitive, but honestly I don't mean it to sound so mechanistic. Anywhere that there's emotions involved, it's difficult, no matter what it is!
There's a saying that goes something like:
If you go looking for love, you'll never find it. But if you just let it happen, it'll find you.

So there you go. Love just happens, it's not something you can make happen. After all, it's one of the strongest emotions. But get to know some girls as friends - That's how I met my boyfriend (and we've been together for 2 years now)

Good luck! :smile:

Thats exactly what i dont want to do either - hurt a girls feelings!! - how can i decide if i like a girl though that i meet outside of a place that we will always frequent which was uni, and is now work, without going on dates. Texting but that does seem a little impersonal. Its hard. Also without falling into that dreaded friendzone, been there too many times! haha

Thats the hard part aswell dont go looking for love, its soooo hard as its the kne thing i want right now, most of my friends are in telationships, they look like they are having fun! I want that. I feel like an outisder when the rest of the group are talking about sex and relationships i feel all awkward. When I like someone and im in their company that feeling of emotion is so nice id like to know what it feels like to be liked back as so far that hasnt happened yet. If i managed to get a single date that would make me so happy knowing a girl was willing to take time out of her day to see me :smile:

If i dont go looking for it it seems as though i may not be interested and put girls off! I want to actively do something about not havjng a gf ( this aounds like its what i pine for its not, what i want is female friends and attention as girls company is fun! Lol sounds so young :-/ and hopefully from that something blossoms like you said!

OP

bump

I just call what you're describing 'dating'. As long as you're up front about it and what you're looking for, I don't see a problem here. You seem like you want a long term relationship with someone who's 'right' for you. Dating lots of people at once maximises your chances. I would understand :smile:

Reply 5

Michaelj

10

Yeah problem with multiple dates is not the player status but you'll be playing on other peoples feelings.

Reply 6

Cheech23

OP

6

Original post by Michaelj

Yeah problem with multiple dates is not the player status but you'll be playing on other peoples feelings.

So the safe option would be decide who i want to date before asking anyone on a date? I dont want to hurt anyones feelings

Reply 7

smallworm

You can be honest to everybody if you do not want to hurt anybody.

Reply 8

UKIPLAD

I tell the girl i'm seeing other girls. Most of them then put out earlier to try and gain the upper hand in the competition so it's the best way it means you have loads of sex. Feelings? meh, they'll get over it.

Reply 9

swiftylol

18

Going on multiple dates is the best thing you can do if you have the option; it prevents you from behaving clingy and desperate without realising it.

Reply 10

Cheech23

OP

6

Original post by swiftylol

Going on multiple dates is the best thing you can do if you have the option; it prevents you from behaving clingy and desperate without realising it.

All this advice sounds really good, especially the above thats one thing girls dont like is being clingy.

I guess it would make girls want me more. I guess? So it would show which girls are more interested than the others? I dunno, I certainly dont want to be a player, so sleeping with them would be a no-go area until i knkw whom i want to date kn a regular basis so i dont cheat or hurt anyones feelings.

Now i just want to know if there are any places to meet girls other than lubs and clubs, as im not in regular company of girls anymore finished school and uni. So just wondering where there is girls that i can meet that is "socially" ok. I would talk to girls at a shopping mall but is that "ok" do think??

Reply 11

py0alb

3

There's nothing wrong with dating several girls at once, I've done it multiple times when I was single. You can do 2-3 a week if you've got enough contacts to keep meeting new girls.

The rule I had was that once you sleep with someone for the 2nd time you apologetically back out of any other dates you had arranged.

You're only a player if you lie about it.

Reply 12

py0alb

3

Original post by Cheech23

All this advice sounds really good, especially the above thats one thing girls dont like is being clingy.

I guess it would make girls want me more. I guess? So it would show which girls are more interested than the others? I dunno, I certainly dont want to be a player, so sleeping with them would be a no-go area until i knkw whom i want to date kn a regular basis so i dont cheat or hurt anyones feelings.

Now i just want to know if there are any places to meet girls other than lubs and clubs, as im not in regular company of girls anymore finished school and uni. So just wondering where there is girls that i can meet that is "socially" ok. I would talk to girls at a shopping mall but is that "ok" do think??

No its not ok. Girls do not go to the shopping mall wishing to be accosted by random strangers. Clubs and bars, no problem, its fine to chat to girls in bars, thats what they're there for. Of course if you happen to get chatting to someone in a non social setting, thats one thing, but going up and cold calling poor unsuspecting girls in the street is a loser's game and gives out serious rapist vibes.

Join societies, socialise with your housemates/coursemates. Go to house parties, try and meet as many friends of friends as possible. Big social circle = lots of opportunities for meeting girls.

Reply 13

Serano

11

Original post by UKIPLAD

I tell the girl i'm seeing other girls. Most of them then put out earlier to try and gain the upper hand in the competition so it's the best way it means you have loads of sex. Feelings? meh, they'll get over it.

Then you tell them you vote UKIP and they're instantly turned off :rolleyes:

Girls and Dates

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