Would you ever cut a parent out of your life? Are you estranged from your parents?

What is it like?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2243457/First-person-Lucy-Baxter-tells-divorced-father.html

Blood is not thicker than water.

EDIT:
Stumbled back to this thread...now bumping for some advice.

After much thought, I have finally decided to cut my parents out of my life. I started thinking about it when I was 17 and had a near-death experience. I decided to keep my distance (I have gone to university since) but I recently decided that if I am ever going to get better and get my life back on track, I know I would need to get them out of my life. I have my reasons, but they are very private issues that I'd rather not mention on here.

So I need some advice: I don't want judgments - if you haven't walked a day in my shoes then keep your mouth shut - and I don't want people telling me I am making the wrong decision because it is the right decision. However, it is not an instant decision and not a decision I take lightly. It's a decision I want to go ahead with in the future when I am financially stable and independent.

This is not a case of should I cut my parents out, it is a case of when and how.

Any advice?

Also, do you know of any websites/forums that could help me?

Also, have you found that having a bad relationship with your parents affects your view of the family e.g. not wanting kids? Random question, I know, but I am just wondering.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

What is it like? It's a huge bloody relief :tongue:

When we lived in the same city I was constantly worried about bumping into him so that wasn't very nice. But I'm on the other side of the country now so I don't have to worry about seeing him ever again.

Haven't seen my dad since I was 13. But tbh I think that when a parent hurts you and takes advantage of you they lose their right to call you their child.

Reply 2

username91207

16

I'm estranged from my parents. I haven't seen either of them in a year or spoken to them for months.

To be honest I'm not overly worried :erm:

not any more. It's not worth it.

I do feel a sense of loss in a way purely because everyone around me is always so closse to their parents and talks about their family all the time :frown:

but oh well, that's just how it is.

Reply 3

username402722

19

Of course some people will be cut off from a parent, such as if one of them goes to prison. Sad if it happens though as loving parents are an important part of most people's life.

Reply 4

Care-Free

15

I've cut my father out, he was just one constantly reoccurring disappointment, he's a wonderful dad to his two new children though :smile:

Reply 5

kingsarecool

6

Original post by Care-Free

I've cut my father out, he was just one constantly reoccurring disappointment, he's a wonderful dad to his two new children though :smile:

this sometimes occurs when the father or mother favours his/her new family over his own kids. Its quiet sad tbh.

Reply 6

Care-Free

15

Original post by kingsarecool

this sometimes occurs when the father or mother favours his/her new family over his own kids. Its quiet sad tbh.

i dont think he favoured them necessarily, i didnt meet him until i was nine, the chance for a father - daughter bond had pretty much passed whereas he'd been with my brother and sister since birth :smile:

Reply 7

callum9999

16

It usually doesn't feel any different to me than before I became estranged from my dad.

Though occasionally the odd clichéd father/son moment in a TV show/film makes me think for a second what it would have been like to have a proper dad! 99.99% of the time I just don't think about it though and see not having him around as completely normal.

Reply 8

smithyinthehouse

Sometimes i just wanna ruck it out with my parents, but at the end of the day family is everything and the most important thing in life.....real talk.

Reply 9

daisydaffodil

15

I've got very rarely little contact with my father. We haven't spoken voice to voice since 1999.. We email sometiems but not often. It does bother me sometimes if I'm honest, it would be nice to have two parents for back up when needed. But my mum does a good job on her own too haha :biggrin:

Reply 10

hippieglitter

19

I'm not sure I could, I loved my dad very much before he died 18 months ago and sometimes I feel my mum is the last connection I have to him, although I am close to my brother and grandparents too. My mum can be nightmare to live with and we don't get along much, but she is still my mum and she hasn't done anything hugely bad, I still love her very much, I have expressed to her than I ever what to have the kind of strained relationship with her that she has with her mother, they barely speak and every time they do my mother gets angry or upset by something my grandmother has done or said and she genuinely has no idea why each of her three daughters doesn't really like her.

Reply 11

username418231

OP

18

Original post by Anonymous

What is it like? It's a huge bloody relief :tongue:

When we lived in the same city I was constantly worried about bumping into him so that wasn't very nice. But I'm on the other side of the country now so I don't have to worry about seeing him ever again.

Haven't seen my dad since I was 13. But tbh I think that when a parent hurts you and takes advantage of you they lose their right to call you their child.

True.

Reply 12

username418231

OP

18

Blood is not always thicker than water.

Reply 13

Really_now

14

Original post by Care-Free

i dont think he favoured them necessarily, i didnt meet him until i was nine, the chance for a father - daughter bond had pretty much passed whereas he'd been with my brother and sister since birth :smile:

But people adopt 9 year olds, 13 year olds etc and manage to develop a bond with them? I really don't think that's a good enough excuse, he could have tried harder.

Reply 14

Ash Pearson

11

Yep, from my mum. Doesn't give **** about me. Was never there for me the day my parents parted ways, and doesn't bother to get in contact (so it's more of a 'why should I bother then' type thing, lol. I'm not the spiteful type and am actually considered calm, easygoing and placid by my friends so that says something).

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 15

Care-Free

15

Original post by Really_now

But people adopt 9 year olds, 13 year olds etc and manage to develop a bond with them? I really don't think that's a good enough excuse, he could have tried harder.

Hmm i suppose so...

Reply 16

Really_now

14

Original post by Care-Free

Hmm i suppose so...

Wasn't trying to be mean or anything, I have 'daddy issues' lol :tongue:

I'm a strong believer of if you create a child you better be man enough to look after it and care for it and give it the attention it deserves.If you're not willing to do that then don't have kids.

Reply 17

Woody1234

Original post by Care-Free

i dont think he favoured them necessarily, i didnt meet him until i was nine, the chance for a father - daughter bond had pretty much passed whereas he'd been with my brother and sister since birth :smile:

How has it passed? Where's there's breath, there's hope. You'll regret as you get older. But of course you know best right now.

Reply 18

medbh4805

20

Personally I am estranged from my father. It's something that tends to upset other people more than me, and I'm constantly made to feel like I have to justify myself...though to be frank cutting him out of my life has been one of the best things I've ever done. :smile:

Reply 19

Care-Free

15

Original post by Really_now

Wasn't trying to be mean or anything, I have 'daddy issues' lol :tongue:

I'm a strong believer of if you create a child you better be man enough to look after it and care for it and give it the attention it deserves.If you're not willing to do that then don't have kids.

Haha no no i know you weren't its just that whenever anyone asks why it doesnt bother me that's always the first reason i give..now i cant find any reason to defend him :tongue:

Would you ever cut a parent out of your life? Are you estranged from your parents?

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