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I fell for my housemate... Need a fresh perspective

Sorry it’s so long.

Last year I lived with a group of people, a couple of whom I hadn’t met before, as they were friends with a coursemate who had a spare room when I was looking for a house. We all got on great, and it became apparent over a few months that me and a particular guy (call him H) were really close. People commented that they thought he fancied me but I didn’t entertain the idea at the time. Then, out of the blue after a night out, he came up to my room as I was about to go to bed and kind of lingered… sitting on my bed and making small talk… It was a bit weird and I felt a bit awkward but once I spelled out that I was going to sleep now, he eventually left. In my drunken confused haze, I mentioned it to another housemate who confirmed that H had told him he was going to “make a move on me”. I told him that I wasn’t interested and my housemate said that H just got the wrong idea as he thought I fancied him. Everything was fine from then on, I decided not to bring it up as I didn’t want to embarrass him and that was that.

Cut to a couple of months later and my feelings towards H began to change. I just started looking at him in a different way and it felt like overnight I just fell for him. I was kicking myself so hard for missing my opportunity as I knew he was now interested in another girl and that I’d obviously kinda rejected him. I was torn between whether or not to tell him how I felt but was scared in case his feelings had changed. I stupidly decided to confide in my housemate whilst drunk, who told me that he didn’t know how H felt about me now but that up until the night I ‘rejected’ him he “put in a massive effort with me” but that I probably shouldn't do anything as we'd already made plans to all live together again the following year. I felt that this was a good sign but since it was nearly summer hols decided to leave it until we got back and see how I felt then.

However, **** hit the fan on the night before I went home for summer when it came out that the guy I’d confided in had told H everything about our drunken conversation, including me being jealous about this new girl he likes. I felt utterly humiliated as everyone had been talking about it behind my back. Just before I went home, H came to speak to me in private. He apologised for the way it came out and said he wished I’d gone to him instead of other people. I said the reason I didn’t go to him was because I thought it was bad timing and I didn’t know anyone had told him. Nothing more was really said. He hugged me, wished me a nice summer, asked if “we were ok” and that was it. I spoke to him once during summer but resolved not to dwell on it.

When I got back after summer, things felt a little awkward at first and I was very self-conscious knowing that everyone knew what had happened but I’m quite proud of the way I’ve just gotten on with things. I’ve had a couple of ‘flings’ with guys at uni and me and H have gotten on really well. I left for xmas feeling so happy that things felt like they’d gotten back to normal and my last night out with my housemates was the happiest I’ve had in a year.

So I was bit shocked to find that during a bit of facebook banter with my housemates, one of my housemates’ friends who has only met me briefly came out with quite a nasty comment saying that the reason I was joining in on nights out with H was that I was so heartbroken that I wanted to make myself more attractive to him by going out with them and getting wasted. It felt like a kick in the teeth. I’m not really bothered what this guy thinks as he’s an idiot but I’m worried about where what he said has come from. The only conclusion I can come to is that H has been talking about me. I’ve found myself being so confused as I don’t understand why after 7 months since he found out I fancied him, the guys are still treating this as if it was yesterday when I've done absolutely nothing to fuel the gossip-fire since then.

I just don’t know what to think anymore and it all feels so one-sided as I still haven’t told anyone that the reason I even entertained the idea of me and him is because he liked me first! It also doesn't help that whenever I go out with H without his male friends I have people commenting that "he can't take his eyes off me" and "he def still likes you". I just want a different perspective on it all as I'm scared to bring it up again with anyone at uni.

Reply 1

M e m p h i s

Wow. All you need is a pub and a corner shop and you've got yourself a soap opera right there!

Tough situation. If it was 'H' talking about you then it shows that he's still thinking about your talk. But to be honest it probably wasn't. There are sometimes just people around that like to cause a bit of controversy and stir the pot a little. I wouldn't worry about that guy.

Seems to me like the best thing to do would be to go back and talk to 'H'. You spoke to him before and it went well so it wouldn't hurt to do it again. That way you can gauge his feelings on the situation and settle it a bit.

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Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by M e m p h i s

Thanks for your reply. Maybe I'm worrying too much about what H may have said. It could have been innocent enough and his friend just used it as a reason to be nasty.
I'll see how things are when I'm back and try to gauge it...

Reply 3

foolscap

Original post by Anonymous

I think the fresh perspective is that you haven't done anything wrong and while embarrassing when people know that you fancied him and were jealous of the girls who got his attention, and incredibly annoying when people make comments like you are trying to get wasted to appear more attractive to him you should consider the following:

- Fancying people and it not working out is part of life, it's happened to everyone so you shouldn't feel too silly
- The person who made that comment was doing it to be funny or something and the source is probably people like him who have nothing better to do than label you as someone who got rejected because it makes "gossip" or an interesting story.
- Personally I think H has moved on but it's not like guys change their mind over who is attractive, he still thinks you are good looking (his stares don't necessarily mean he wants more than sex) but if you want to pursue the matter then simply talk with him 1 on 1, else leave it if you think things were picking up.