I don't view guys as for sex, but for getting emotionally close to

Hi there,

I'm a girl in my early 20's- not a had a boyfriend before, though I have been on a few dates. I ended it each time due to not really feeling the 'spark' and having other commitments.

My main issue is that while I definitely like guys and would like to be in a relationship with guys- I never want to rip their clothes off (not initially even).... I see guys as getting emotionally close to and then when trust is built up- have sex, but it's never reached that stage for one reason or another due to me backing out as I knew that they weren't for me (I don't lead people on).

It's just doing my nut in as I hear my mates saying 'I wanna jump on him', 'I wanted to take him to bed' and I just do not feel that...... when I like someone- it's in the sense of getting butterflies in my tummy when I see him/receiving a text of him, can't get him out of my head kinda thing- nothing sexual, though I wouldn't mind at a later stage for things to get sexual once I know that we love/trust each other.

Is there something wrong with me?!!

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

BUMP. took ages to get thread approved.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I'm similar really but I don't see anything wrong with that? Lots of people associate sex with love.

Reply 3

Coke Or Pepsi

11

I think a lot of people are like that really. I am too. I only ever get into that 'rip-your-clothes-off' mentality after I have dated and grown to trust a person and become intimately involved with them. Sex is a very delicate topic and it makes sense that, at least in the early stages of a relationship or the first few times experiencing it with a new partner, that it's much more emotional and about feeling 'close' to the person, rather than it being about pure hot fiery passion. I think that comes a bit later :wink:

(although not that much later, mind you!!)

Reply 4

Amberxo

2

Everyone progresses at different times sexually, your just not ready emotionally but you will be eventually, nothing wrong with you at all. Just gota find the right guy that you want to be open with then you'll feel the sexual urges once your comfortable with them :smile:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

Betelgeuse-

19

Nothing wrong with you no

Reply 6

ZizziHikaru

7

No nothing wrong, I'm also your age and to me men become sexier as I get to know them and become comfortable around them.

Mind you, I once felt the chemistry was instant and just right and I wanted to have sex with him immediately without so much as a word or a glance longer than two seconds being exchanged. When I eventually got to know him I realised how incompatible we were despite such mutually overwhelming physical attraction. This experience was anomalous though.

I much prefer what I have now with someone else, an attraction that's grown over time and which now surpasses the instant chemistry I previously experienced. There's a strong spark where there wasn't any before.

Reply 7

Fat-Love

15

I'm the same. I don't think that's unusual though since I'm a heterosexual male.

Reply 8

scrotgrot

16

While girls do tend to work more on trust, that you're pushing them away before you can shag shows it's possible that you have some issues of sexual repression. If you're a virgin then you may be able to overcome this with practice.

Reply 9

username447608

14

Im like this aswell I don't actually feel any sexual urger or turned on or anything like that unless im in love with somebody. This is why I could never have a one night stand as I only enjoy sex with a person I love the whole being in love with them is a big factor for me. There is nothing wrong with it at all

Reply 10

Nutella:3

10

The only time I've ever wanted to rip a guy's clothes off without knowing them personally is if they are a celebrity, therefore a fantasy. It's normal to want to get close to a guy emotionally before doing anything like that. You can also find someone attractive without wanting to rip their clothes off (straight away :wink:

) that may change once you know them better.

Reply 11

Riku

2

Sounds pretty healthy to me. Basically you have to love or be attached to someone before you have sex with them? Yeah I'm like that too. ONS just doesn't do it for me.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Hi there,

I'm a girl in my early 20's- not a had a boyfriend before, though I have been on a few dates. I ended it each time due to not really feeling the 'spark' and having other commitments.

My main issue is that while I definitely like guys and would like to be in a relationship with guys- I never want to rip their clothes off (not initially even).... I see guys as getting emotionally close to and then when trust is built up- have sex, but it's never reached that stage for one reason or another due to me backing out as I knew that they weren't for me (I don't lead people on).

It's just doing my nut in as I hear my mates saying 'I wanna jump on him', 'I wanted to take him to bed' and I just do not feel that...... when I like someone- it's in the sense of getting butterflies in my tummy when I see him/receiving a text of him, can't get him out of my head kinda thing- nothing sexual, though I wouldn't mind at a later stage for things to get sexual once I know that we love/trust each other.

Is there something wrong with me?!!

I feel exactly the same!! I thought I loved my last boyfriend, and had incredible butterfly-y feelings with him, but when we had sex I felt nothing (apart from pain), and deary me, I laughed when he went down on me because it tickled more than anything. I'm so glad that there are other people who feel like this. I worry that it will hinder my future relationships :/ I develop feelings of love, and butterflies, and crushes, but not of wanting to be physical :/