Guy 'friend' - it's so damn complicated.
Hey guys!
It's been a while - and a lot has changed (but I still have problems, of course...)
Okay so, there's this guy i've been friends with for a long while (about 2 years now, we met in uni) and I am very close to him. We've both shared a lot with one another and I regard us as just friends as being very close, good friends.
I have always found him extremely charming, and we've always had a bit of chemistry/tension between us, but I could never do anything about it since I was with my (now ex) boyfriend. He left for Malawi in Summer for a month and I missed him like crazy. When he came back I met him at the bus stop and we had a good talk. We met up a couple of times after that and I expressed I was unhappy with my (now ex) boyfriend. He told me he knew I wasn't content.
Just to tell you all, the break up was not influenced by him in any way. It was solely my decision and I really was not happy at all. I've not realized through telling my friends and family the truth of what our relationship was like that it was very abnormal and he was extremely controlling of me and my life, (I'm a lot happier now I'm free).
I went on a 'break' with my boyfriend about 2 months prior to all this. I was very slow at admitting to myself that things weren't right in my life, it was very difficult, especially with such a long term relationship. But, we went on a break and I felt a lot happier almost immediately, I had a lot of free time and could see all of my friends again without being tied down (I would plan my weeks around him).
One night my friend came over as his internet had been cut off, because he was moving out of his flat. He checked his emails, etc etc, and found he'd failed an exam he had to pass. He was really really upset and I'd never seen him so sad. I brought him in some tea and he was on my bed and i lay next to him. He turned and hugged me really reallt tightly, for quite a while. I looked up at him and he kissed me. I didn't stop because I did want it, and obviously one thing led to another (after a 20 minute half naked discussion of course). I didn't regret it, and so I broke up with my boyfriend altogether.
We've both been very busy since, it's been a month though, now since I saw him and we have been texting but I feel like i'm starting every conversation (if you can call it that) and only once has he asked me (last week) if i'm free and I was busy, as I'd made plans. I text him 2 days ago, and we did have a bit of a conversation and I told him he'd been acting distant; what was up? He just said he'd been busy and he hadn't had a chance to talk in person. (No wonder... you've not made any effort apart from once in a month) I told him that no matter what had happened between us, he was my friend and that i valued him and his opinion, and that I missed him, that I had nothing to lose by telling him that (he'd barely been around.) So, at this point, he hasnt replied.
A part of me says leave him hes not worth your time, but another says call him and try and see him, because I miss him like hell.
I'm just scared to lose him as a friend, he means a lot to me. And I don't know what to do.
Help, guys?
Sorry for the long post.
TL;DR: I have a guy friend (known for 2 years, been close), who since we've had sex (after I broke up with my boyfriend (NOT because of him) is half ignoring me and half not, it's very confusing. Not sure what to do. Help please?
It's been a while - and a lot has changed (but I still have problems, of course...)
Okay so, there's this guy i've been friends with for a long while (about 2 years now, we met in uni) and I am very close to him. We've both shared a lot with one another and I regard us as just friends as being very close, good friends.
I have always found him extremely charming, and we've always had a bit of chemistry/tension between us, but I could never do anything about it since I was with my (now ex) boyfriend. He left for Malawi in Summer for a month and I missed him like crazy. When he came back I met him at the bus stop and we had a good talk. We met up a couple of times after that and I expressed I was unhappy with my (now ex) boyfriend. He told me he knew I wasn't content.
Just to tell you all, the break up was not influenced by him in any way. It was solely my decision and I really was not happy at all. I've not realized through telling my friends and family the truth of what our relationship was like that it was very abnormal and he was extremely controlling of me and my life, (I'm a lot happier now I'm free).
I went on a 'break' with my boyfriend about 2 months prior to all this. I was very slow at admitting to myself that things weren't right in my life, it was very difficult, especially with such a long term relationship. But, we went on a break and I felt a lot happier almost immediately, I had a lot of free time and could see all of my friends again without being tied down (I would plan my weeks around him).
One night my friend came over as his internet had been cut off, because he was moving out of his flat. He checked his emails, etc etc, and found he'd failed an exam he had to pass. He was really really upset and I'd never seen him so sad. I brought him in some tea and he was on my bed and i lay next to him. He turned and hugged me really reallt tightly, for quite a while. I looked up at him and he kissed me. I didn't stop because I did want it, and obviously one thing led to another (after a 20 minute half naked discussion of course). I didn't regret it, and so I broke up with my boyfriend altogether.
We've both been very busy since, it's been a month though, now since I saw him and we have been texting but I feel like i'm starting every conversation (if you can call it that) and only once has he asked me (last week) if i'm free and I was busy, as I'd made plans. I text him 2 days ago, and we did have a bit of a conversation and I told him he'd been acting distant; what was up? He just said he'd been busy and he hadn't had a chance to talk in person. (No wonder... you've not made any effort apart from once in a month) I told him that no matter what had happened between us, he was my friend and that i valued him and his opinion, and that I missed him, that I had nothing to lose by telling him that (he'd barely been around.) So, at this point, he hasnt replied.
A part of me says leave him hes not worth your time, but another says call him and try and see him, because I miss him like hell.
I'm just scared to lose him as a friend, he means a lot to me. And I don't know what to do.
Help, guys?
Sorry for the long post.
TL;DR: I have a guy friend (known for 2 years, been close), who since we've had sex (after I broke up with my boyfriend (NOT because of him) is half ignoring me and half not, it's very confusing. Not sure what to do. Help please?
Original post by megara
A part of me says leave him hes not worth your time, but another says call him and try and see him, because I miss him like hell.
I'm just scared to lose him as a friend, he means a lot to me. And I don't know what to do.
Help, guys?
Sorry for the long post.
TL;DR: I have a guy friend (known for 2 years, been close), who since we've had sex (after I broke up with my boyfriend (NOT because of him) is half ignoring me and half not, it's very confusing. Not sure what to do. Help please?
A part of me says leave him hes not worth your time, but another says call him and try and see him, because I miss him like hell.
I'm just scared to lose him as a friend, he means a lot to me. And I don't know what to do.
Help, guys?
Sorry for the long post.
TL;DR: I have a guy friend (known for 2 years, been close), who since we've had sex (after I broke up with my boyfriend (NOT because of him) is half ignoring me and half not, it's very confusing. Not sure what to do. Help please?
Ok so there are two answers for this story:
- Why should YOU keep making the effort to see him and to make plans with him if he's not been interested after he "had" you? And you know that sex sometimes ruins friendships, you should have thought about that before removing your clothes (or letting him
)- And I think he might be a bit distracted because of the exam he failed.
Original post by katyness
Ok so there are two answers for this story:
- Why should YOU keep making the effort to see him and to make plans with him if he's not been interested after he "had" you? And you know that sex sometimes ruins friendships, you should have thought about that before removing your clothes (or letting him)
- And I think he might be a bit distracted because of the exam he failed.
- Why should YOU keep making the effort to see him and to make plans with him if he's not been interested after he "had" you? And you know that sex sometimes ruins friendships, you should have thought about that before removing your clothes (or letting him
)- And I think he might be a bit distracted because of the exam he failed.
Those two answers are probably both true, in parts.
1 is very very true :P But that's what the discussion we had was about prior to the y'know. Hehe. (also i would like that to happen again
)2 is trye too, but he acutally managed to convince (told you he was charming) the head of the dept to let him back into uni! So he does have a lot of work but surely it shouldnt stop him replying? I dunno.
Original post by megara
Those two answers are probably both true, in parts.
1 is very very true :P But that's what the discussion we had was about prior to the y'know. Hehe. (also i would like that to happen again)
2 is trye too, but he acutally managed to convince (told you he was charming) the head of the dept to let him back into uni! So he does have a lot of work but surely it shouldnt stop him replying? I dunno.
1 is very very true :P But that's what the discussion we had was about prior to the y'know. Hehe. (also i would like that to happen again
)2 is trye too, but he acutally managed to convince (told you he was charming) the head of the dept to let him back into uni! So he does have a lot of work but surely it shouldnt stop him replying? I dunno.
It shouldn't. We always make time for the people we care.
Original post by katyness
It shouldn't. We always make time for the people we care.
Exactly. Ugh, he's just terrible.Still no idea what to do.
Original post by megara
Exactly. Ugh, he's just terrible.Still no idea what to do.
Nothing. Just move on. And if he ends up contacting you then be polite.
Original post by katyness
Nothing. Just move on. And if he ends up contacting you then be polite.
Y'think? I just can't imagine my life without him. But yeah, I suppose it is the logical answer. I'm not very logical.
Original post by megara
Y'think? I just can't imagine my life without him. But yeah, I suppose it is the logical answer. I'm not very logical.
What other option have you got?
a) keep texting until he replies
b) leave him a ton of voicemails
c) show up at his place naked
d) stalk him
e) try to contact his parents, befriend them and ask them to help you get with him
f) get another guy to try to make him jealous and then realise he's not actually jealous and feel even worse than you feel now?
I could go on...
Original post by katyness
What other option have you got?
a) keep texting until he replies
b) leave him a ton of voicemails
c) show up at his place naked
d) stalk him
e) try to contact his parents, befriend them and ask them to help you get with him
f) get another guy to try to make him jealous and then realise he's not actually jealous and feel even worse than you feel now?
I could go on...
a) keep texting until he replies
b) leave him a ton of voicemails
c) show up at his place naked
d) stalk him
e) try to contact his parents, befriend them and ask them to help you get with him
f) get another guy to try to make him jealous and then realise he's not actually jealous and feel even worse than you feel now?
I could go on...
c) would be great, hahaha
Original post by katyness
What other option have you got?
a) keep texting until he replies
b) leave him a ton of voicemails
c) show up at his place naked
d) stalk him
e) try to contact his parents, befriend them and ask them to help you get with him
f) get another guy to try to make him jealous and then realise he's not actually jealous and feel even worse than you feel now?
I could go on...
a) keep texting until he replies
b) leave him a ton of voicemails
c) show up at his place naked
d) stalk him
e) try to contact his parents, befriend them and ask them to help you get with him
f) get another guy to try to make him jealous and then realise he's not actually jealous and feel even worse than you feel now?
I could go on...
Pretty much this, I think that guy was after one thing and once you give it to them, they run away
Original post by FlavaFavourFruit
Pretty much this, I think that guy was after one thing and once you give it to them, they run away
Yeah - just seems unbelievable you would do that for 2 years,get it and go. Ohwellz
Lolz he's played a good game. 
Just kidding, just wait for him to contact you - you've done enough chasing as it is. Let him initiate for once. 'sides, it looks like he's got an exam he's working towards.
Just kidding, just wait for him to contact you - you've done enough chasing as it is. Let him initiate for once. 'sides, it looks like he's got an exam he's working towards.
Original post by Spontogical
Lolz he's played a good game.
Just kidding, just wait for him to contact you - you've done enough chasing as it is. Let him initiate for once. 'sides, it looks like he's got an exam he's working towards.
Just kidding, just wait for him to contact you - you've done enough chasing as it is. Let him initiate for once. 'sides, it looks like he's got an exam he's working towards.
Thank you Sponto ^_^ Will do.
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