Not happy with my boyfriend going to this stag do

Call me a possessive girlfriend or whatever, but this genuinely bothers me and I think for good reason. My 23-year-old boyfriend has been invited to his friend's stag do. The do is taking place in magaluf.... there will be lots of drinking, strippers, pole dancers, the lot. I absolutely hate the idea of him going.

I like to think that I can trust him but when someone has that much alcohol in them you never know what they will do. If he so much as kissed another woman i'd be furious, heartbroken and he'd be getting dumped. I've also heard some awful things about his friends cheating on their girlfriends and taking drugs, which really worries me. He's in with the wrong crowd.

I've told him over and over again how much the thought of him going and getting pissed and having strippers dancing around him upsets me, but yet he's still insisting on going. "I want to go so I can show my friend how happy I am for him, to celebrate his engagement" Nah, if you're just happy for him you'll go to his engagement party and his wedding- if you want an excuse to get pissed away from your girlfriend and surrounded by loads of hot, half-naked women, then you'll go to Maga for his stag.

I'm furious with him already and the do is months away. Some of you may say i'm over-reacting but I certainly don't feel that way, I have some morals and simply want to protect our relationship

Reply 1

Nerd2

18

Would they mind if I join them?

Reply 2

username1332537

12

Hmm I would just let him go. Try and not think about it :smile:

it isn't a given he will cheat etc. I can completely understand how you feel though.

Reply 3

Nerd2

18

I don't know what to suggest, you've spoken to him and explained your concerns, yet he still wants to go. I think you will just have to accept his decision and trust (hope) he doesn't do anything stupid.

Reply 4

syrettd

18

At first I thought you were just going to post about not wanting him to go to a strip club or something, and I was going to say you just need to get over it. But the Magaluf thing would worry me too, just because I have lots of guy mates and I know way too much about what they've got up to over there. I think maybe you could try and find a compromise? Like maybe he goes, but he phones you every night?

Reply 5

Quilt

13

With the reputation that Maga has I'm really not surprised about your concerns, I definitely would be very concerned too! Just bear in mind that in this situation he is going on stag do, that means that at least one other guy there is in a relationship and engaged to be married. This guy is most likely not going be cheating on his fiance, right? So if your boyfriend sticks around with him, then that reduces the chances too :smile:

.

I really sympathise with you and would hate being in that situation because IMO Magaluf etc are singles holidays, but I'm sure your boyfriend's friends won't let him do anything stupid regardless of how drunk he gets.

Reply 6

Arieh

3

My bf has all the freedom he wants, we are long distance and I've never "forbidden" him anything and frankly I don't understans possessive boyfriends/girlfriends (especially when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex or stuff like that), I trust him etc etc... but I wouldn't be happy with this situation.

I wouldn't be happy if he went to a strip club here either, I don't think he'd ever cheat but it's not fair to ask me to be comfortable with the idea of him having a stripper shoving her tits onto his face.

Idk, now I suppose I'll be called crazy and possessive, but even as an advocate of freedom and individuality, in my opinion there are things that any sensible man/woman should abstain from doing when in a relationship.

Reply 7

beccaf87

7

Honestly I would feel the same way. My boyfriend doesn't really go to strip clubs but two of his friends just got engaged, so I guess its going to happen sooner or later. We have already discussed my feelings towards it, which is why I am sure he doesn't go to them. However, I have told him I can't make the decision for him and I won't tell him what to do. I can only tell him how I feel about it. I also told him that I do see getting lap dances as a form of cheating (I know some of you don't see it that way, but I do). Anyways, if his friends end up at a bachelor party at a strip club, I would try to compromise that he can go but I would be very uncomfortable with him getting lap dances. Maybe you could talk to him about that? Tell him you would be very uncomfortable with him getting that close to those women. Hopefully he can understand that.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 8

username402722

19

Magaluf for a stag do? How common. How last century.

Reply 9

TheBigJosh

Original post by George Agdgdgwngo

You sound like a nightmare.

Posted from TSR Mobile

This.

Reply 10

cid

13

I can understand it being a cause for concern .. but you're furious with him? He's 23 years old, it's what 23 year old guys do, chances are any strippers will be focused on the groom and not the guys at the party, your emotion stems from either a lack of trust or jealousy. This does not bode well for the future of your relationship, you will not still be together come 2015. I offer odds of 1 pint anyone in?

Reply 11

Sparks.

I can see where you are coming from but it sounds like he has made up his mind. I don't think my friend would be happy if I refused to go on her bachelorette party, so I also see where he is coming from. Unless you plan on giving him an ultimatum I think you will just have to trust him and hope for the best.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Quilt

With the reputation that Maga has I'm really not surprised about your concerns, I definitely would be very concerned too! Just bear in mind that in this situation he is going on stag do, that means that at least one other guy there is in a relationship and engaged to be married. This guy is most likely not going be cheating on his fiance, right? So if your boyfriend sticks around with him, then that reduces the chances too :smile:

.

I really sympathise with you and would hate being in that situation because IMO Magaluf etc are singles holidays, but I'm sure your boyfriend's friends won't let him do anything stupid regardless of how drunk he gets.

Thanks

its not like I don't want him to have fun or anything- but that's exactly the way I would describe Magaluf, a place for single people. A place for people who want to get laid.

I suppose I know deep down that he wouldn't cheat, but the very fact that he's going against my wishes (I do feel incredibly strongly about this, as you can tell) is upsetting. Its kind of a deal breaker for me that when one person really doesn't want something to happen, the partner should listen and compromise

Reply 13

Quilt

13

OP is not a 'nightmare', OP has seen too many cheating boyfriends on TV shows about lads holidays :tongue:

.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Arieh

My bf has all the freedom he wants, we are long distance and I've never "forbidden" him anything and frankly I don't understans possessive boyfriends/girlfriends (especially when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex or stuff like that), I trust him etc etc... but I wouldn't be happy with this situation.

I wouldn't be happy if he went to a strip club here either, I don't think he'd ever cheat but it's not fair to ask me to be comfortable with the idea of him having a stripper shoving her tits onto his face.

Idk, now I suppose I'll be called crazy and possessive, but even as an advocate of freedom and individuality, in my opinion there are things that any sensible man/woman should abstain from doing when in a relationship.

This is perfect, more like what I was trying to say. I totally agree, men should have some respect for their partner and not go and let some stripper dance all around them. I don't care if people are calling me a 'nightmare' or 'possessive girlfriend' because one day they might understand how it feels to actually love someone and care about their relationships

Reply 15

Quilt

13

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks

its not like I don't want him to have fun or anything- but that's exactly the way I would describe Magaluf, a place for single people. A place for people who want to get laid.

I suppose I know deep down that he wouldn't cheat, but the very fact that he's going against my wishes (I do feel incredibly strongly about this, as you can tell) is upsetting. Its kind of a deal breaker for me that when one person really doesn't want something to happen, the partner should listen and compromise

Yeah and it very much is that for a group of single lads going on summer holidays I presume, but a stag do is a little different :smile:

.

Of course, and you just wish he'd not even want to go? Don't let it be a deal breaker for you, at least until he comes back. You may not want him to go but that doesn't mean his only option is not to. You've expressed your concern and if he chooses to go anyway then it's not because he doesn't respect you, he just knows your concerns will be proven wrong and he'll be a good boy!

At the end of the day, if your boyfriend wanted to get with as many girls as possible on this holiday then he'd probably have the decency to break up with you first. He hasn't done that, so try not to be too harsh on him :smile:

.

Reply 16

consumed by stuff

9

I doubt most gf's would be dead happy about a stag do in magaluf, but you should recognize he's not doing anything wrong.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 17

Rob da Mop

15

How keen does he seem on the do itself? This sort of thing is absolutely not my idea of a good time, just a bloody awkward expensive one, but if it was one of my best friends' stag parties I'd feel obliged to go and have a miserable time. If he loves you he won't cheat. I know you've already talked to him about it but maybe phrase it more in this way and understand that it would be pretty rude to refuse to go to a stag party because you can't reach it from your high horse.