Boyfriend lying about past relationship?
Anon for typical reasons.
Basically I've been with my boyfriend for nearly eight months, and it's been fantastic, we love each other very much and can genuinely see a future together. However, he had been in a previous relationship for six years (I'm pretty much his next longest relationship), which didn't end well but had a lot of history involved (close to his family, first time, etc. etc.). I was being nosey recently and looked on his Facebook, and literally last year he is tagged in a post, by her, celebrating seven years together. He had told me the relationship was over a good two years ago, but this was posted less than a year ago? Am I being paranoid? I'm just wondering why he would lie about it, it also doesn't help that she still is close to his mum (even though they hated each other when him and her were together) and I still haven't met his mum....
Advice?
Basically I've been with my boyfriend for nearly eight months, and it's been fantastic, we love each other very much and can genuinely see a future together. However, he had been in a previous relationship for six years (I'm pretty much his next longest relationship), which didn't end well but had a lot of history involved (close to his family, first time, etc. etc.). I was being nosey recently and looked on his Facebook, and literally last year he is tagged in a post, by her, celebrating seven years together. He had told me the relationship was over a good two years ago, but this was posted less than a year ago? Am I being paranoid? I'm just wondering why he would lie about it, it also doesn't help that she still is close to his mum (even though they hated each other when him and her were together) and I still haven't met his mum....
Advice?
Original post by Anonymous
Anon for typical reasons.
Basically I've been with my boyfriend for nearly eight months, and it's been fantastic, we love each other very much and can genuinely see a future together. However, he had been in a previous relationship for six years (I'm pretty much his next longest relationship), which didn't end well but had a lot of history involved (close to his family, first time, etc. etc.). I was being nosey recently and looked on his Facebook, and literally last year he is tagged in a post, by her, celebrating seven years together. He had told me the relationship was over a good two years ago, but this was posted less than a year ago? Am I being paranoid? I'm just wondering why he would lie about it, it also doesn't help that she still is close to his mum (even though they hated each other when him and her were together) and I still haven't met his mum....
Advice?
Basically I've been with my boyfriend for nearly eight months, and it's been fantastic, we love each other very much and can genuinely see a future together. However, he had been in a previous relationship for six years (I'm pretty much his next longest relationship), which didn't end well but had a lot of history involved (close to his family, first time, etc. etc.). I was being nosey recently and looked on his Facebook, and literally last year he is tagged in a post, by her, celebrating seven years together. He had told me the relationship was over a good two years ago, but this was posted less than a year ago? Am I being paranoid? I'm just wondering why he would lie about it, it also doesn't help that she still is close to his mum (even though they hated each other when him and her were together) and I still haven't met his mum....
Advice?
Could be any one of a number of reasons really. Maybe they were together for five years and then went on a break for a year or so and then got back together? Maybe he said five years because he didn't want to scare you off by saying his last relationship was seven years? I don't really know - boy's never possess the best logic.
Best thing to do is just ask him really. Say something like "so your longest relationship was five years with your ex?" Hopefully it's all just a big mix up. I don't really see why he would lie about this maliciously as it doesn't really matter if a relationship was five years or seven years - both constitute a pretty long term relationship.
We've talked about it before regarding the length and it's always been six years, I don't want to seem like I'm possessive if I say I've been looking through his Facebook. I could be being overly annoyed by the whole thing, the relationship ended in a horrible way yet she is always being brought up (mostly out of anger but still) and by him family, which does hurt seeing as I do feel like I get on with them.
Are you worried he might still be with her secretly or something? Otherwise I'd advise to just leave the past in the past otherwise it will eat you alive and ruin your relationship. As long as they've definitely broken up I don't think it matters that they broke up a year ago rather than 2 years ago like he said. Either he got his dates wrong or he didn't want to worry you into thinking you're a rebound option or something so told you they broke up longer ago than they did.
In my experience as soon as the past starts getting brought up it creates nothing but insecurity and starts to slowly destroy things... this happened with all my previous relationships. However me and my current boyfriend have been together 3 years and have virtually never spoken about our ex's/past sexual history and it seems to work that way. I'd therefore advise to stop thinking about his ex, stop talking about her and try to focus on your relationship/the present/your future, you'll be happier for it.
In my experience as soon as the past starts getting brought up it creates nothing but insecurity and starts to slowly destroy things... this happened with all my previous relationships. However me and my current boyfriend have been together 3 years and have virtually never spoken about our ex's/past sexual history and it seems to work that way. I'd therefore advise to stop thinking about his ex, stop talking about her and try to focus on your relationship/the present/your future, you'll be happier for it.
(edited 9 years ago)
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