Good at making female friends but v terrible at anything more than friends ?

Whenever I have wanted to close with a girl, I have always gone straight in with a discussion about M&S Cheese.

Seriously, it should be self-evident what the problem here is.

well when you say it like that it sounds daft but it was a inside joke. I mean she laughed and we always talked about nutrition . I wasnt going to ask her to come to a Italian Restaurant was I ? my thought process was, I ask her for to hang out for something casual. What can be more casual than grocery shopping.

What is the problem ? I unfortunately cant see it.

You've gone and introduced a dead end situation - basically you wanted a transparent excuse to get romantic (or sexual) with her, and you went and suggested something incredible banal. Unless she's independently gagging for you, then it is never going to work.

Think about it. You've had some previous conversation about cheese. Now you're asking her to go with you to M&S to track down that particular cheese. That's like waiting for the District Line to go all the way to Losertown. You turned a casual lunch into something annoying and silly.

What you wanted her to think was "this is kind of like the prelude to a date".

What she probably thought was "this guy wants to know about cheese. I told him which one it is - why cant' he find it himself? Why does he need me to go to M&S with him?"

What you should have done was asked her to come and have lunch with you and had absoluetely nothing to do with cheese, unless you intended to go to M&S and then you could have small talked about it.

Stop trying so hard. Seriously, just try to be friends ffs why is everyone so worked up about being more than friends with girls? God damn it.

fair enough. Thanks for different perspective.

Because I dont want to be single and want to improve myself. If you like someone then its worth trying.

But if you try to hard and forget that these girls are actually human beings, not just the objects of your desires, you might have more luck. And if not, at least you've got an amazing friend?

Being friends and being something more share certain commonalities but also have a few MAJOR difference. Building attraction is key. And you don't usually think about building attraction with a friend. Sometimes it just happens naturally when you're trying to pursue someone, but sometimes you have to make it happen.

Just do lunch with other girls, and encourage them to witter on about whatever self-absorbed nonsense they want to. Agree and nod your head, but don't get into gay-shopping-mate mode. Reinforce your hetero-ness by referring to the cheese disaster, and say that you've moved on from her.

But you have to be friends in the first place for it to happen, if you only talk during lectures nothing really going to happen.


lol the shopping to me because it was close to campus. So girl A know thinks im a wierdo and is a write off ?

So next time I come across a girl I like, should say something like eh - want to go subway tomorrow ? wont it be abit out of the blue. Unless I talk to her before about her favourite sub and then say hey we should go during our free ?

The cheese thing is a bit odd tbh mate. Maybe they just want to be friends, not anything more? Just because you're a decent guy to hang around with doesn't mean they want to date you and, from what I've read, you seem to be giving off confusing messages. They probably just don't know what your end game is.

No. Get straight to the point god damn it. If you want to pursue this girl romantically make it obvious from the start and not give her some long winded spiel.

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yea I guess cheese would seem odd, but it was after a long conversation about nutrition.
I never asked them out on a date just if they wanted to hang out. So if two people get on pretty well and have similar sense of humour , why not go on dates ?

@bold They might not find you attractive.

I get what you mean but trekking to M&S purely for her to point out some cheese she's already told you about probably just came off as a really bad attempt at spending time, just the two of you. You should have just asked her if she wanted to go into town, there's bound to be something she wanted/needed.

Just wondered if anyone had ever been in a similar position ?

Im a really outgoing sociable kind of person joined a few societies at Uni and made quite a few friends on my course but not any success with women. Not even exaggerating Im on good terms with about 3-4 friend groups most people have like 10 friends on the course.

Im thinking of 2 events that happened over the past month. Two separate girls who I have known for less than a month but I thought I got on pretty well with them.

Only sat next to them(girl A and girl B are in different lectures) maybe once or twice a week but we would always be laughing and talking non stop.

Maybe they were just being polite I thought ? so a few times ive sat with another group of people and bumped into girl A around uni and she has started the conversation and carried on inside jokes Id started. So I think its fair to assume she was not just being polite but actually see me as a friend.

similar thing with another girl B.

Now when I asked the girls if they wanted to hang out

Girl A, I asked her to show me a type of cheese from Marks and Spencer she said was amazing , I asked her in person and said we could go during the 2 hour break we have between lectures.... she said would think about it,and then asked a bunch of questions about my diet and just described the cheese packaging to me... Then when I asked her week later, she said oh I have to do something tomorrow during the free Ill let you know and she hasnt.

The second girl I asked if she wanted to hang out sometime via facebook she just ignored the message.

I was genuinely surprised at being rejected by both as I assumed they both thought I was interesting and fun person to hang out with. The next time I saw both girls they both carry on as normal and wave at me and
im thinking you both just made it clear you dont want to see me so why pretend to be friends now ?


So basically ive come to the conclusion I just dont know what the **** to say. I was homeschooled until the age of 14 and feel like thats always held me back in social situations. Am I doing anything wrong or missing some obvious social ques ?