How would you feel if a potential/current partner said their hobby was their life?
What if they always put their hobby above everything else, even your relationship? What if they said their hobby was a way of life for them and everything else is less important?
Scroll to see replies
i'd amdire it.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
Original post by snitching kermit
i'd amdire it.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
It's great to have a passion but it sounds like this person is over the top. If their relationship and partner is less important than the hobby, that's where a conflict of interest arises. OP I would explain to your partner that you're pleased they are passionate about something but they need to put you first. If they disagree, it might be time to find someone who will. Nobody deserves to be second best.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
What if they always put their hobby above everything else, even your relationship? What if they said their hobby was a way of life for them and everything else is less important?
I'd think they were a bit tactless.
Original post by Anonymous
What if they always put their hobby above everything else, even your relationship? What if they said their hobby was a way of life for them and everything else is less important?
If it will get in the way of his income potential then it is a definite turn-off. If however his hobby can make a substantial income, or doesn't hinder is ability to provide, then I am fine with it.
Original post by Anonymous
If it will get in the way of his income potential then it is a definite turn-off.
Wait, what? What happened to strong liberated women being able to make their own money?
The selfishness and hypergamy in the above statement is quite something.
Am I also to suppose you'd consider anyone unable or unwilling to support you financially as a loser?
Original post by Anonymous
If however his hobby can make a substantial income, or doesn't hinder is ability to provide, then I am fine with it.
In short, a man's role: Get yer ass back in the office and make me some money.
Sorry, but you might find lack of income potential a turn off, but here's when the shoe is on the other foot: From where I stand, being a gold-digger is a bigger turn-off than if she had a leaky colostomy bag.
I thought this video might be relevant.
I once had an ex who was so obsessed with surfing that he even said he'd happily miss the birth of his first child if the waves were good that day. It's honestly all he ever talked about. He'd go surfing even in the dead of winter, when it was freezing cold. It got a bit boring after a while, now even though loads of girls are impressed when guys say they surf I'm kind of like 'been there, done that'.
I think there's a fine line between hobby and obsession.
I think there's a fine line between hobby and obsession.
I think I'd feel a lot of respect for that person, few people in the world have real hobbies.
Original post by snitching kermit
i'd amdire it.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
True. I do admire his passion and commitment but True. But after a while wouldn't you start to get fed up of they constantly blew you off for their hobby, sometimes even refuse to be with you on birthdays/ anniversaries or important events you wanted to attend, or refused to be there for you when you really needed them?
Original post by snitching kermit
i'd amdire it.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
Lol reading's a legitimate hobby, assuming you don't reasd crap. In fact there's a whole profession based on it called literary criticism.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
I once had an ex who was so obsessed with surfing that he even said he'd happily miss the birth of his first child if the waves were good that day. It's honestly all he ever talked about. He'd go surfing even in the dead of winter, when it was freezing cold. It got a bit boring after a while, now even though loads of girls are impressed when guys say they surf I'm kind of like 'been there, done that'.
I think there's a fine line between hobby and obsession.
I think there's a fine line between hobby and obsession.
Fairly sure based on this information that your ex is homosexual.
Original post by Anonymous
What if they always put their hobby above everything else, even your relationship? What if they said their hobby was a way of life for them and everything else is less important?
I'd think they didn't know how to prioritise their life.
Do they call in sick to work to work on their hobby instead? Do they cancel dates to do it?
That's not really a hobby - that's an obsession.
Nothing wrong with having a hobby which is important to them and which they need to make room for in their life, though. I respect people that do this.
Original post by TurboCretin
I'd think they didn't know how to prioritise their life.
Do they call in sick to work to work on their hobby instead? Do they cancel dates to do it?
That's not really a hobby - that's an obsession.
Nothing wrong with having a hobby which is important to them and which they need to make room for in their life, though. I respect people that do this.
Do they call in sick to work to work on their hobby instead? Do they cancel dates to do it?
That's not really a hobby - that's an obsession.
Nothing wrong with having a hobby which is important to them and which they need to make room for in their life, though. I respect people that do this.
He likes his job so he doesn't call in sick unless he's actuall very ill. He does refuse to go on dates or events like uni summer ball etc. if they clash with his hobby.
Original post by Anonymous
What if they always put their hobby above everything else, even your relationship? What if they said their hobby was a way of life for them and everything else is less important?
At that point I don't think it can be fairly characterised as a hobby. If it's a way of life then it's not a past-time - it's a lot more serious than that. The only time it makes sense to call it a hobby in my opinion is to communicate about it superficially, so that you don't have to unpack its true meaning to you to every person who casually asks about it.
My 'hobby' is this way to me; I intend to quit my job and go to live abroad to better study it. It's completely entangled with my life goals. Almost everything is less important to me, since it's what I want to do with my life. People I'm in a relationship with have to be cool with that, since that's just a part of who I am and comes as part of the package.
To anyone who feels similarly about something in their life, I think the idea of preferencing a relationship over it (edit: especially one that doesn't exist yet) wouldn't bear thinking about. It's something that has to be accepted. If it's compatible with the relationship then of course it's great, but if you're in a place where you're competing against someone's life ambition, then that's a tall order, and probably not good for either person.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
What if they always put their hobby above everything else, even your relationship? What if they said their hobby was a way of life for them and everything else is less important?
I'd love that they are so passionate about it, but I wouldn't be able to handle it being prioritised over the relationship. For me that would speak volumes, and would upset me too much.
Original post by Anonymous
If it will get in the way of his income potential then it is a definite turn-off. If however his hobby can make a substantial income, or doesn't hinder is ability to provide, then I am fine with it.
In which case I wouldn't be fine with you.
Original post by miser
.
This is a very interesting POV. If you don't mind me asking, have you ever lost friends or relationships over this?
As much as I respect and admire the commitment, I do feel that sometimes people like that can be a little selfish by hurting people they claim to love. As an example, I was once going through a very difficult time I my life: someone in my family had recently passed away and I was alone for the first time on the biggest holiday in my culture (diwali), as my family were abroad. I asked my boyfriend if he would spend the evening with me but he said no because he didn't want to miss a training session for his hobby. He trains 5 times a week but he wouldn't even skip one session when I really needed him...
Original post by Anonymous
True. I do admire his passion and commitment but True. But after a while wouldn't you start to get fed up of they constantly blew you off for their hobby, sometimes even refuse to be with you on birthdays/ anniversaries or important events you wanted to attend, or refused to be there for you when you really needed them?
It's hard to say.
If you loved them then you could perhaps overlook them not attending an arbitrary event on an arbitrary date, which may not be relevant in the grand scheme of thing.
People in general are strange creatures. To see someone you care about, get all caught up in another world of their hobby is fascinating.
What is the hobby?
Original post by Anonymous
This is a very interesting POV. If you don't mind me asking, have you ever lost friends or relationships over this?
Good question. Not directly, no. But because it occupies a lot of my time (Friday evenings, Saturday mornings and Sunday mornings especially) it affects my social life so it's not easy for me to simply go out with friends and socialise normally. Having said this, I am the club's "social secretary" and we do do a lot of social things, including going to the pub every Monday and Friday, and stick around for a coffee Saturday mornings after practice.
I think the most accurate way to answer this question is to say that it's exerted an opportunity cost, i.e., if I didn't have this occupying so much of my time, I'd likely go out more and with different people, and through doing so develop friendships and relationships with people whom I haven't.
Original post by Anonymous
As much as I respect and admire the commitment, I do feel that sometimes people like that can be a little selfish by hurting people they claim to love. As an example, I was once going through a very difficult time I my life: someone in my family had recently passed away and I was alone for the first time on the biggest holiday in my culture (diwali), as my family were abroad. I asked my boyfriend if he would spend the evening with me but he said no because he didn't want to miss a training session for his hobby. He trains 5 times a week but he wouldn't even skip one session when I really needed him...
I think that's a failure of balance. In my case I would (and have) missed training sessions because the needs of a given moment trump an individual day's training. It's also the case that other interests can sometimes get in the way (for example, I've missed training sometimes for TSR mod meets).
If your boyfriend knows that something is important to you, by extension and to a degree it should be important to him too. I think you communicating to him that you needed him one night should have been enough for him to miss training that one day, assuming it was a normal training day and that you didn't make demands like that all the time.
When I was with my ex last year, when I got together with her I knew it would mean sacrificing my plans to move to Canada, which I did. We broke up 6 months later so arguably it wasn't worth doing so but I have new plans now to go to Japan. But I knew involving myself in a relationship meant some degree of sacrifice, and I think you have to be willing to make that sacrifice otherwise you're not being fair to the other person. It wouldn't have been fair for me to get a girl to fall in love with me only to jet off for a year a few months later, and likewise I don't think it's fair if he is so inflexible as to put you ahead of a day's training if you tell him it's something you need.
Original post by snitching kermit
i'd amdire it.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
a lot people dont even have hobbies.
if you ask them they say dumb crap like shopping, reading, netflix or whatever.
its nice to find someone with a genuine passion.
How is reading dumb?
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Go back to uni for a second degree or stick with my chosen career?
- Finding a suitable partner
- How to accept being alone?
- Should I go on a break with my partner?
- My Crush is Perfect except for this one thing.
- Am I asking for too much time from my bf ?
- Do girls want guys to try harder to get to know them?
- Reconnecting with ex
- Is prioritisation important
- I am thinking of rejecting a high salary cause of my autism
- AQA GCSE Combined Science: Trilogy - Physics Paper 1 (Higher) 8464/P/1H [Exam Chat]
- Fresh rel, trouble coming to terms with her past. She’s not making it easy either
- Why are some people in denial about the importance of looks?
- 19, (F) Struggling to find love. Is it too late for me?
- My girlfriend got a lot of money from student finance. I'm annoyed. Am i wrong?
- Dating apps are boring and soulless
- Would you go out with someone who has the brains, personality but not the looks?
- Feeling lonely at university
- if i work my hours during term time, will it effect my maintenance loan?
- Can Christian couples disagree on evolution/age of the Earth?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
