The Student Room Group

Im a Sikh Girl with a Boyfriend

Hi

After starting university, I started dating a black guy and we are now in a serious relationship. I have lost my virginity to him and I am now on the pill as my boyfriend doesnt like condoms.

I think I want to marry my boyfriend but worried my Sikh Punjabi family wont like it. They are conservative sikhs although they dont practice fully i.e dont wear turbans. I want to get married in the Gudwara but worried my community may oppose it - my boyfriend is an aethiest and thinks wearing the turban even just for our marriage is a waste of time.

Is there any Sikh girls out there that can advise me who have been in the same position?

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Original post by A5ko
There are so many troubling bits to this tale, I'd be hard pressed to see it anything other than a troll attempt.


Hi

what is troubling to you? Are you against marriages who are non punjabi?
Reply 2
Original post by KiranKaur1994
Hi

what is troubling to you? Are you against marriages who are non punjabi?


Being a white male with no affiliation to any cult, that isn't what I am getting at here, and you know it.
Youve got the exact name as someone i know who was coincidently also born in 94 :/
Original post by A5ko
Being a white male with no affiliation to any cult, that isn't what I am getting at here, and you know it.


I assure you, I am not trolling. Not sure what you problem is but whatever!
Its not your family who are marrying him, so why do their opinions even matter?

It is your life, live it.
I think your conservative sikh family will most likely disown you if you tell them. It seems to be the general rule that blacks are considered the worst partners to marry, which is obviously an outdated and bigoted view, however they will be even more abhorred by the fact that you have lost your virginity and his sperm has been inside of you

Now I know that as a sheltered sikh girl you will not have not had as much contact with men as you might have liked, and are hence instantly wanting to marry the first guy you have had sex with/shows you some attention. But I think you should think long term. You are already having problems with this guy, can you see him staying with you if he disagrees with every aspect of religion? Not to mention your child will have no support/contact with family if they disown you and will be outcast by your community. Also if it breaks down now, which relationships often do, then your family will struggle to defend your reputation and marriage proposals may be hard to come by if existent at all. Personally I would ditch the relationship as it seems on shaky ground and pretend it never happened/ don't tell your parents as it will cause more harm than good and for what?
It's so sad other people's opinions have to matter so much. I know a loosely Muslim woman (in her late 30s) who cannot tell her grandparents she is married to a non-Muslim guy she met at uni, much less that they have a child together and another on the way. She lives this double life and I just find it so sad - they live in modern day London for goodness sake!

Anyway what's the rush on getting married? I don't believe in fate (best of my knowledge Sikhs don't either) but if you are meant to be you will still be meant to be in a few years :smile:
Original post by BOB2014
Youve got the exact name as someone i know who was coincidently also born in 94 :/


Hi I dont know who you are.
Original post by DiddyDec
Its not your family who are marrying him, so why do their opinions even matter?

It is your life, live it.


I am living my life but want my family to accept him
Original post by KiranKaur1994
I am living my life but want my family to accept him


If they don't accept him then that is their problem, not yours. If they are so closed minded that they can't see that this makes you happy then in it is their problem. The only this that really matters in life is that you are happy.
Original post by neal95
I think your conservative sikh family will most likely disown you if you tell them. It seems to be the general rule that blacks are considered the worst partners to marry, which is obviously an outdated and bigoted view, however they will be even more abhorred by the fact that you have lost your virginity and his sperm has been inside of you

Now I know that as a sheltered sikh girl you will not have not had as much contact with men as you might have liked, and are hence instantly wanting to marry the first guy you have had sex with/shows you some attention. But I think you should think long term. You are already having problems with this guy, can you see him staying with you if he disagrees with every aspect of religion? Not to mention your child will have no support/contact with family if they disown you and will be outcast by your community. Also if it breaks down now, which relationships often do, then your family will struggle to defend your reputation and marriage proposals may be hard to come by if existent at all. Personally I would ditch the relationship as it seems on shaky ground and pretend it never happened/ don't tell your parents as it will cause more harm than good and for what?


They are conservative but I am hoping I can win them round. I am so happy when I am with my boyfriend, he is everything to me. I am thinking long term that is why I want to plan how to get married with my family supporting me.

I dont think we will ever break up! he calls me and sees me all the time and I am always at his place or he is at mine!. He hasnt attacked my religion, he is just honest and says hes not religious so he doesnt want to do anything related to religion. Also I am not religious myself but respect my culture and customs hence my post.

I know lots of sikh men that are dating women and sikhism teaches that we are equal so I should have the same rights.:mad:
Reply 12
Good luck but any of the Sikh Punjabi's I know would react awfully to this, some instances of violent reaction too in the UK. I suggest you be careful.

Edit: lmao just read you lost your virginity to him and want to marry him. Go ahead and introduce him and cause all the drama, you'll get bored of him soon. Puppy love. Don't be selfish is all i'm saying. This doesn't sound genuine.

Also seems like he really respects your culture and religion :rolleyes:
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Ggmu!
Good luck but any of the Sikh Punjabi's I know would react awfully to this, some instances of violent reaction too in the UK. I suggest you be careful.


Thanks. I would like to think my family will not behave like this. I hope they see how happy I am and support me and my boyfriend.

Dont worry I wont get bored of him. I cant live without him and miss him even if I am not near him for 1 minute!
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 14
Original post by KiranKaur1994
Thanks. I would like to think my family will not behave like this. I hope they see how happy I am and support me and my boyfriend.

Please see edit.
Original post by Ggmu!
Please see edit.


I know it will cause some issues so I need to do this slowly.
i agree with Ggmu! :tongue:
Original post by KiranKaur1994
They are conservative but I am hoping I can win them round. I am so happy when I am with my boyfriend, he is everything to me. I am thinking long term that is why I want to plan how to get married with my family supporting me.

I dont think we will ever break up! he calls me and sees me all the time and I am always at his place or he is at mine!. He hasnt attacked my religion, he is just honest and says hes not religious so he doesnt want to do anything related to religion. Also I am not religious myself but respect my culture and customs hence my post.

I know lots of sikh men that are dating women and sikhism teaches that we are equal so I should have the same rights.:mad:


I definitely see where your coming from, I didn't say he was attacking Sikhism but that he dosent believe in it and obviously disregards it so this may not lead to a long and fruitful marriage, however much you want this to happen. How long have you been with him? Just be on the safe side and wait a bit would be my advice as remember when you say something you can't take it back. It's going to make you look kind of silly if you say you want to marry this guy and then you break up. However, I know you are thinking long term, but if you play tactically then wen you have been together for a while you can tell people as then it is more unlikely you will split up. I can see where you are coming from but most Sikhs don't think like that, well the older lot anyway and they wouldn't want to see there daughters shagging around. It's just a product of yh culture unfortunately and I can't see these views changing for a while yet.
Reply 18
Original post by KiranKaur1994
Hi

After starting university, I started dating a black guy and we are now in a serious relationship. I have lost my virginity to him and I am now on the pill as my boyfriend doesnt like condoms.

I think I want to marry my boyfriend but worried my Sikh Punjabi family wont like it. They are conservative sikhs although they dont practice fully i.e dont wear turbans. I want to get married in the Gudwara but worried my community may oppose it - my boyfriend is an aethiest and thinks wearing the turban even just for our marriage is a waste of time.

Is there any Sikh girls out there that can advise me who have been in the same position?



If if you want to marry then go do your own thing but don't expect people to accept it and to get you married in a gurdwara.
Reply 19




Some one had to do it.

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