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Single sex schools and future relationships

Hey there I was just having a long conversation with an old friend of mine. (he like me went to an all boys school, the only difference is that I left for sixth form and he left for university). He was telling me how much he is struggling to interact with girls in university, even though he really wants to be in a relationship. Hes definitely not shy when we were at school together, however when girls are about it is another story :biggrin:

. Hes been there for nearly 3 months and well hes not been making much progress and just goes all quiet when hes near a girl that is attractive. This problem also occured to me when i first went to a sixth form but after like 2 months I was settled in and got a GF.

I was always wondering if anyone was also in the same situation as him, and how they overcome this problem. Because my advice was to be himself and learn, and I guess thats not working

Reply 1

BexTait

1

I went to an all girls school, but never had a problem with talking to males when I started uni, but I think that it was down to the job I had over the summer which gave me a lot of confidence talking to random strangers, something I didn't have before. It's not just something that affects people from single sex schools I don't think. There was a girls on my floor in first year who had been at a mixed school, and at first she wasn't happy walking in the kitchen when the lads where in there cos she never knew what to say/do.

Reply 2

SarahB_

I went to an all girls school untill 6th form then it became mixed with a boys college down the road from us. I didn't find it hard to get on with guys, but I didn't really get to know any of them for a while as we all had our own friendship groups already. I haven't had a problem at uni though, I've joined a couple of sports clubs so common interest is definitely a good way to meet new people. Working over the summer definitely gave me confidence aswell, I only wish I could go back & start my 6th form again... !

Reply 3

*pink_sapphires*

1

I was at an all girls school for 9 years but left this year and went to 6th form at a school which has only just gone co-ed. There are 32 girls in my year compared to 140 boys! I have to say, it was daunting at first, but i soon realised that i just had to relax and be myself. now i have loads of friends. My best piece of advice would be to treat people how you'd like to be treated. If you shy away and don't mix with people, then people are more than likely to shy away from you as they'll find it hard to approach you. Just relax, be yourself and smile :smile:

Reply 4

subterfuge

1

It definately doesn't affect everybody.
I was at an all girls school for 7 years and since starting university, most of my new friends have been male (though this does have a lot to do with studying physics and having far more boys around than girls)

i dont think there's really a lot he can do, other than trying to remember that girls really aren't that much different to or scarier than boys.

Reply 5

~style

Why is it a problem?!

Reply 6

Vincente

OP

14

Why is it a problem?!

It shouldn't be a problem if he was a very shy guy and acts like that around both gender. However it is the fact that it is hindering his social life at university and the fact that he isin't a shy guy (and acting like a person he really isin't ) thats the problem.

Reply 7

redshoes4

i went to an all girls school and i think it did affect me in a way, i was never quite sure what to do around guys, how to tell if they liked me or show them i like them etc. but i found i came out of my shell a lot more with my job and various activities outside of school. i think that was good as even when i mixed with guys with my friends from school none of us really knew how to act and i always felt constrained to behaving how i thought i should. but outside of that you are free to act as you please and interaction gets a lot easier and now i dont think about it at all.

Reply 8

subterfuge

1

Vincente

He was telling me how much he is struggling to interact with girls in university, even though he really wants to be in a relationship.

maybe remind him that having girls as mates might be easier than viewing girls just as potential relationship material...

Reply 9

cutandpasteandtwisty

11

It makes no difference.

Reply 10

~style

Vincente

It shouldn't be a problem if he was a very shy guy and acts like that around both gender. However it is the fact that it is hindering his social life at university and the fact that he isin't a shy guy (and acting like a person he really isin't ) thats the problem.

A girlfriend is considered social life at your university?

I went to an all girls school and when i went co-ed in sixth form i actually found it easier to talk to guys than i did girls. Not nessecesarily for gettinga boyfriend buts just talking to them.

Reply 13

CheesyBeans

1

I've known a few girls who went to All Girls Schools. I noticed they were different with guys than girls who went to mixed schools. Those who went to mixed schools found it easier to be friends with guys while the girls who went to didn't just saw guys as people to get off with. It was those girls who were more likely to go out, pick up a guy, do whatever and move on and so have one night stands rather than relationships.

Reply 14

person 34

9

I go to a dyke school, but I've never had a problem. I'm in 6th form now, and have been at this school since year 7. I've always been pretty confident and had "guy mates" since about year 9. Two of my best friends are guys and I suppose I've had a lot of experience with contact with guys. I must admit though, I'm not friends with any boys who go to boys' schools. I know I'm generalising here, but most of them are shy, immature and often quite loserish. They take longer to grow up than boys fom mixed schools I think.

Reply 15

myrtille

15

One of my flatmates went to an all boys school (then co-ed Sixth Form), and I do think it's had an effect on him. Especially seeing as he has no sisters.

At first he got disturbed by girls underwear hanging to dry. And he gets really panicky if any of us girls are wandering around in our nighties/short pyjamas. And on one occasion, me and another flatmate were talking in the corridor. She was on her way to the shower, so was only wearing a towel wrapped round her. When he turned the corner and saw her, he ran off madly.

He also can get a bit too close, which is creepy. He's clearly just very sexually frustrated, because despite this fear of girls, he draws lots of scantily clad ones...

I don't think it's just down to the school though - that's just one aspect of it. If you mix with people of the opposite sex in other ways, then it's probably OK. But if you have no siblings of the opposite sex and have no hobbies (or none including the opposite sex) then I think that can cause problems...

Reply 16

General Mullet

It does affect some people more than others. I go to an all boys school but I've always mixed with girls socially because I find them easier to talk to so I haven't had any problems in this respect. I know some guys who freaked out when girls joined our sixth form and will probably find it hard at uni.

Reply 17

Minta2

I went to a girls' school from 10 -18 and didn't socialise with boys outside school til I was 16, so I feel I mised out on those important early teenage years. I used to get on well with the boys in my mixed primary school, but 6 years later I didn't really know how to act around boys and did tend to view them as potential boyfriends, not friends. Now I'm at a Cambridge university girls' college, which probably doesn't really help, but I think my social life is as mixed as I'd want it to be; I naturally prefer to have female friends as I feel I get on more easily with them, and as for boyfriends, I think I'm calming down and acquiring a more balanced view of guys as people, not just potential boyfriends.

Reply 18

Vincente

OP

14

A girlfriend is considered social life at your university

You really are a muppet. Where does it say in that sentence that a GF is part of a social life. The social life problem is down to the fact say when we go down to clubs etc and sit with girls he just kinda shuts himself away from the girls and just doesn't talk. Thats the problem.

Reply 19

Vincente

OP

14

I know I'm generalising here, but most of them are shy, immature and often quite loserish

I might be generalising myself but I thought that people from single sex schools were more mature. Yes there are a few idiots about. But when I compared the people from my single sex school to the people in my former sixth form, the people at the sixth form are more immature (however i haven't met all 3,000 students)

However I have noticed people whom don't socialise outside of school with the opposite gender at secondary school are the people that struggle to adapt.

Single sex schools and future relationships

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