Is this relationship healthy or am I deluded?

If you're unhappy with being in an open relationship then advise you walk away now. It'll hurt for a while but its better than built up resentment and being unhappy with the situation you're in.

Tricky situation. If you're not happy and comfortable to stay with her, then tell her how you feel, see if she's willing to make a change for you. If you don't accept her terms, then perhaps you should walk away. I was in a similar situation as your girlfriend, I was seeing a girl and we had a relationship while I was (and still am) having sex with other women on the side because she wasn't good enough and I needed more than one girl to satisfy me, but I didn't tell her about it because I knew she wouldn't approve. Most people aren't comfortable with the idea of an open relationship because they need to feel like they own the other person for some odd reason. On the one hand, I think it's very selfish to demand from your partner that they only have sex with you (because it's impossible for any person to be satisfied by just one man or woman), but on the other hand you need to do what is best for you. Are you willing to stay in this relationship, do the benefits outweigh the problems? It's a question for you to think about. You're allowed to have your own needs and you're allowed to make demands but you can't expect to always get what you want.

Oh and also she hardly seems trust worthy considering she already went and slept with other guys before even bothering to say she wants an open relationship.

I'm not unhappy with our situation though; just her situation. It doesn't seem as disconnected but it is. We're fine. I like how she treats me and I like myself with her. I don't have to fight for her love because she's fully committed to me.
It just irks me every now and then that she does what she does. As stupid and bad as it sounds, I don't know if it's worth losing what we have over a little self respect.


Posted from TSR Mobile

Thanks for this. Nice to see it from the other perspective.
I'm willing to deal with this until a point I finally do make my plea for her to be just with me. I don't want to put her in a position where she has to choose between me and being her free self; as I am almost certain she will choose the latter. And I don't want to change the dynamics to the point where she continues to sleep with other people and not tell me about it. I feel like her disclosing it is more reassuring.

I feel like the benefits do outweigh the problems but I'd rather not have any problems to begin with. Is it really that much to ask for her to be faithful to me though?


Posted from TSR Mobile

Thanks for this. Nice to see it from the other perspective.
I'm willing to deal with this until a point I finally do make my plea for her to be just with me. I don't want to put her in a position where she has to choose between me and being her free self; as I am almost certain she will choose the latter. And I don't want to change the dynamics to the point where she continues to sleep with other people and not tell me about it. I feel like her disclosing it is more reassuring.

I feel like the benefits do outweigh the problems but I'd rather not have any problems to begin with. Is it really that much to ask for her to be faithful to me though?


Posted from TSR Mobile

She's not fully committed. If she was she wouldn't have cheated on you, and wouldn't want an open relationship. Lots of people want to sleep with people other than their partners. They don't, because they love their partners and wouldn't want to hurt them. That is commitment. To be blunt - I think you're trying to talk yourself into accepting this because you love her so much. And you're probably going to say yes to her because when you love someone, it's hard to say no when they are offering you some - any- chance to be with them. But it's going to hurt you in the long run. I agree with the 'cut your losses' view. I wish you the strength to be able to make that difficult decision.

I'm sorry, but it sounds to me like you care much more about her than she does about you.

It's your choice, but I know that I could never be happy with an open relationship: it is completely natural for people to want fidelity and monogamy and I do believe that people are capable of happiness and satisfaction with just one partner.

If this were a girl talking about her boyfriend who has cheated on her with multiple women and wants an open relationship because his girlfriend "can't satisfy his heeds" then the responses would have been far less forgiving and we would have seen many more answers along the lines of "You're worth more than him - get rid!", "You deserve better than this!", "Ditch him and find a man who really cares about you!"

Personally, I don't think that this situation is any less manipulative or unbalanced than if it were a heterosexual couple and so my advice is the same: talk to her by all means if you want to, but clearly she doesn't feel that you are enough for her and she will always put her own needs above yours. For your own sake, cut your losses and move on.

But she actually loves and cares about me.

I hate this a lot. Inconsistency and indecisiveness makes me anxious.