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Another chance.

My life has not been very good, although most of my problems have been self-inflicted.

Up until the age of 9, I was a model child (according to my parents) and then I changed. I started stealing and going to the amusement arcades. My family could leave no money around, otherwise it would disappear.

Little did they know, I was crying out for help. I wanted my grandfather to stop having his evil way with me, but my plan did not work. In 1979, I started High School, but with already hitting puberty, acne hit me more than it should have done. With this any my speech impediment, I was the target and boy did I get it. My grandfather was still abusing me and I was still stealing. It was hard for me to tell as sex was not talked about at home. I hardly went to school, I could not face the bulling.

In 1983, I remember a news article about a young boy in Brighton, who had been kidnapped, sexually abused and raped. I thought, this is what is happening to me, if it is now on TV, I might get believed. I had just gone back to school in my final year and one Sunday afternoon I broke down. I was on my bed yelling my eyes out. My father was asking me what was the matter and the words "Granddad is a puff" came out. My parents believed me.

All through my life, my grandfather used to come to stay for the weekends. He came on a Friday and went home on the Monday. My grandmother, his wife, died when I was 2. My parents told him to go home and that Sunday, I thought "I will never see that b*****d again". My life started to change, my mother told me that my behaviour had improved and I was going to school. Besides the bullying, I was happy. Then came Xmas 1983, the week before. I was in the kitchen talking to my mother, when my younger brother came in, He was 9 years old. Out of the mouth of a babe came the words, "Granddad is coming for Christmas". My heart sank, I looked at my mother and she said "Yes, he is. It is time to put all this to one side and to become a family again."

I began to hate life again and hated that Xmas. I made it perfectly clear I did not want him there. I just wanted to kill him.

School restarted but not for me. I went back to my old ways, stealing, lying and playing truant.

My exams were in the summer of this year, 1984. I flunked them all, besides one. I got a C in my O'Level Maths, but I got the ear bashing from my parents.

I go back to college in the September, but that lasted 2 months. I was kicked out for not attending.

I hated my parents and I hated my older brother. How could they let this b*****d back into my life and I wanted them to pay. My family put up with me until I was 32, and I stole £18,000 from my father and wasted it away on online gambling. That was the day he kicked me out, but all I could think was, "Now you know how I felt. Now you know what it is like to be betrayed."

I was now left to stand on my own two feet. I found somewhere to live, but drifted from place to place. Managed to find a job and worked hard at it. In 2006, my life fell apart again, when I was diagnosed with Epilepsy and daily seizures. The hardest part was having to give up my driving licence, That was my employment. I did have a cry and for a moment, I wanted my mother. I soon came to my senses, but the illness hit me hard. I dropped to about 7 stone in weight and I have to admit, life did not look fruitful.

In 2009, I moved into a neighbouring area and my life started to change. I started to volunteer with my landlord and found a purpose in my life.. I was unable to work (paid) but I was enjoying my voluntary work. They put me through my CRB and I started to work with the children and young people on the estate. I had found something which I enjoyed doing and if my health allowed, to do as a paid job. My seizures were becoming less frequent and I enrolled at college to do my GCSE English. I passed and was over the moon. In 2010, I enrolled on two A'Level Courses (Maths and Computing) and did them in a year. I obtained two C's - and again, was over the moon. My heath was getting back to normal and I told my landlord, I wanted to try and get my degree and I started with the Open University. I did a 30 point maths module and 60 point science module. I was loving it and in the summer of 2012, I looked to go full-time with a university close to me. I applied for their maths degree and was accepted. I started in 2012 but my seizures started to become more frequent again and I was struggling. I passed 100 out of 120 points and passed one module with 100%. However, I knew, if I was struggling in year 1 with my health, then year 2 was going to be even worse. I did not resit my Abstract Algebra and left the uni, but continued with the Open Uni in the September. In the past two years, I have taken 90points at level 5 in maths modules and passed them both, with 2:1 scores.

I have not had a seizure now for 9 months and start full-time uni again, two weeks on Monday. I have been accepted onto a Foundation Degree in Computing.

I still struggle coming to terms with what happened to me as a child, but I know I have to let go. I am scared of relationships and my landlord has helped me to overcome the fear of trusting people. My family left me with the inability to trust anyone.

I am sorry to put all this here, but I have enrolled today and am so excited. Life has given me another chance at 47. I may be single, I may never have had a girlfriend but I have something to offer society. I am not bad and I am ashamed of what I have done. I could not handle life and had so much hatred for my family. I have not spoken to my family since 24 January, 2000. I know I can never make up with them and can understand why. I just want to show people that I am not the deadbeat that I have shown the past I am, but a person who had his childhood taken away by someone who should have been prepared to die to protect me. I will never be able to understand why my parents let my grandfather back into family life and do not want to know why they did.

I do miss the childhood dream of growing up, getting married and having a family of your own, but I will get my qualification and I will put something back into society,

Reply 1

william walker

Wow that is a great turn around in your life in a short space of time. Well done to you. I also don't think it is to late for you to get a girlfriend, maybe married and adopt children depending on how old your girlfriend/wife is. I wouldn't stop striving for that if you want it. :smile:

I was molested when I was younger also age 8-9 I think. Though I wasn't raped. I stopped sleeping and didn't really feel safe in my house. However I didn't tell my parents, though they new something was wrong with me. I don't think I had a terrible childhood, until age 8. It wasn't great either though. As my brother would pick on me and I was scared of my dad. Though I enjoyed spending time with my family, just somethings weren't good. I made like 5 new friends at school when I was 9, but when I was 10-11 I started getting bullied by other people because they didn't like me. Then I went though secondary school which is terrible and pointless for me. Mainly the last two years when I had to move schools. It would have been off just leaving at 14. I was so bad that I started pulling my hair out and getting migraines. Also had depression and thought about killing myself, but I know it would all be over soon. I just look it a week at a time. My friends ditched me at school, so when I left when stopping talking to me. I still talk to one of them now and play tennis with him from time to time, but we aren't close. I stopping going into my local town in 2010 and my life has got much better since then. 2012 was a wonder year from me, I was new and different. I started talking to people online, but I didn't want anyone to know who I was as I didn't have any confidence in myself at all.