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When is it too late for the no contact rule?

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    You know the no contact rule? "Don't talk to you ex for at least 30 days if you want a chance of getting them back", is this too late to be effective if it's been almost two months since breakup? Bearing in mind there's no bad blood, she still messages me first but is very platonic and the initial strong post-break up feelings are dying down.
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    Do you want her back? Yes?

    In that case, buy something sweet. It doesn't have to be necessarily expensive, just something that would remind her of you, your relationship and all the good times. Go to her place when you know she'll be home and knock at her door. Tell her how you feel. That you want her in your life and that you want her to be with you. Give her your little sign of appreciation and ask her to be your girlfriend again. If you want someone in your life, ask them, tell them, it's really that simple. No tricks, no mind games and no terribly long waiting periods. Just express your feelings and see how she reacts.

    If you don't want her back, simply don't do a thing and forget about her. Simple as that.
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    (Original post by Withengar)
    Do you want her back? Yes?

    In that case, buy something sweet. It doesn't have to be necessarily expensive, just something that would remind her of you, your relationship and all the good times. Go to her place when you know she'll be home and knock at her door. Tell her how you feel. That you want her in your life and that you want her to be with you. Give her your little sign of appreciation and ask her to be your girlfriend again. If you want someone in your life, ask them, tell them, it's really that simple. No tricks, no mind games and no terribly long waiting periods. Just express your feelings and see how she reacts.

    If you don't want her back, simply don't do a thing and forget about her. Simple as that.
    I fully intend to do this but I'm not in the right position too at the moment. What you're describing comes later.
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    It's now 4 days until I cut her off officially. My biggest fear is she's already dating elsewhere and essentially won't care. The thing about no contact is it only works if they miss you.

    I've been really stupid to leave it this late and I'm cutting it so fine. Fingers crossed.
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    Well you can't expect her to be thrilled about being dumped. I expect she is angry, upset - in direct proportion to the amount she liked you before - or she has just decided you are totally unreliable and likely to do it again next time you feel like it. In which case she just despises you and has lost all respect for you. This is the real killer emotion - no way back from this I fear. Even if she takes you back this will always be at the back of her mind and could damage your relationship for years.

    Your only hope is to grovel and do something so overwhelmingly good that she respects you again. What? I don't know. That is for you to discover.

    I fear you have lost this one but hopefully you will learn from it.
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    The idea is that you do it for your own recovery, not to win someone back. I've done it before and it has worked, but I was at the point where I didn't care if I ever spoke to her again.

    Who dumped who?
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    You know the no contact rule? "Don't talk to you ex for at least 30 days if you want a chance of getting them back", is this too late to be effective if it's been almost two months since breakup? Bearing in mind there's no bad blood, she still messages me first but is very platonic and the initial strong post-break up feelings are dying down.
    Hasn't she said she doesn't want to get back with you, the best thing you can do is leave it completely and move on.

    (Original post by pickup)
    Well you can't expect her to be thrilled about being dumped. I expect she is angry, upset - in direct proportion to the amount she liked you before - or she has just decided you are totally unreliable and likely to do it again next time you feel like it. In which case she just despises you and has lost all respect for you. This is the real killer emotion - no way back from this I fear. Even if she takes you back this will always be at the back of her mind and could damage your relationship for years.

    Your only hope is to grovel and do something so overwhelmingly good that she respects you again. What? I don't know. That is for you to discover.

    I fear you have lost this one but hopefully you will learn from it.
    She broke up with him I believe.
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    Yes, she dumped me. And no, a gesture is not what I need right now, that's the final stage of the process, not something you do after being dumped because that's just weird. I need a no contact phase.
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    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    The idea is that you do it for your own recovery, not to win someone back. I've done it before and it has worked, but I was at the point where I didn't care if I ever spoke to her again.

    Who dumped who?
    For me it has two purposes, both to get her over and hopefully get her back. Interesting that it worked for you, how long after the breakup did you start no contact?
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    I'd surmise it's too late when you have to ask this..
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    Leave on a positive note and settle any anguish and hard feelings with her. Then go non-contact and focus on yourself. Schoolwork, workout, friends whilst blocking her on social media and removing any thoughts and memorabilia about her. Know that the best way to get her back is to make yourself stronger- and whatever you do don't start becoming desperate or clingy. You're the most important person for you. When she messages you don't jump like a puppy; instead if you want start afresh.
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    Stop playing games OP, cut her off because you don't want to be friends, not because you're fixated on any particular outcome.
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    (Original post by PsychoD)
    Leave on a positive note and settle any anguish and hard feelings with her. Then go non-contact and focus on yourself. Schoolwork, workout, friends whilst blocking her on social media and removing any thoughts and memorabilia about her. Know that the best way to get her back is to make yourself stronger- and whatever you do don't start becoming desperate or clingy. You're the most important person for you. When she messages you don't jump like a puppy; instead if you want start afresh.
    That's an interesting idea, my current planned message is a bit on the negative side, maybe I should lighten it up...
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    (Original post by Napp)
    I'd surmise it's too late when you have to ask this..
    Good tying about no contact is I've seen it reset the timer when all seemed to be too late, bad thing is I've only seen it done once or twice so I've got no idea if it works consistently so I'm really looking for stories of similar cases.
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    (Original post by PsychoD)
    Leave on a positive note and settle any anguish and hard feelings with her. Then go non-contact and focus on yourself. Schoolwork, workout, friends whilst blocking her on social media and removing any thoughts and memorabilia about her. Know that the best way to get her back is to make yourself stronger- and whatever you do don't start becoming desperate or clingy. You're the most important person for you. When she messages you don't jump like a puppy; instead if you want start afresh.
    Actually you seem know what you're taking about a lot. Do you mind telling me if you think two months after breaking up (no bad blood) is likely to be too long?
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    (Original post by West Bank Spank)
    Stop playing games OP, cut her off because you don't want to be friends, not because you're fixated on any particular outcome.
    Make no mistake, I have no intention of being friends. I'm all or nothing.
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    You know the no contact rule? "Don't talk to you ex for at least 30 days if you want a chance of getting them back", is this too late to be effective if it's been almost two months since breakup? Bearing in mind there's no bad blood, she still messages me first but is very platonic and the initial strong post-break up feelings are dying down.
    It's too late. If you want her back, you're going to just have to go for broke.
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    It's too late. If you want her back, you're going to just have to go for broke.
    Have you ever got back an ex?
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    Have you ever got back an ex?
    Yes. Though granted it was mostly on an FWB basis.
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    Yes. Though granted it was mostly on an FWB basis.
    We're going out Saturday night and on the off chance that I pull maybe I can save it, tips? But really I'm not considering that to be likely and instead am starting no contact the next day.

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