How to motivate my son to work harder in his GCSEs ?
Dear forum, my son Dhyan is 15 and attending a very highly rated high school. He is bright, well natured at school but his work is a shambles.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
my brother was the same (he was dyslexic though and with behaviour problems and so this aggravated the matter). He left school after his GCSE's and took a year out to work in a shop, which he hated. Anyway, he finally returned to college and took a non-traditional path doing what he loved. He has now just started university, doing that said subject.
It might be that your son just detests what he is studying at GCSE and his mind works the same as my brother's. Some people work differently. My brother also had a tutor for maths and some times would just lock himself in the bathroom when she showed up, at the age of 15.
His development is on it's own timeframe and unfortunately there is not much you can do to force him to do something he simply does not want to do, regardless of him being unaware of the consequences. That isn't to say that he won't end up going to university/getting other qualifications, it will probably just happen at a different pace than with others as his mindset seems to be 'as to what suits me' kind of thing. Maybe organise a meeting with you and his head teacher to properly go through the problems and the consequences if these continue, and beyond that there isn't much you can do (you can never force a kid to study to their 100% commitment unfortunately). Just hopefully it gets better, as it did with my brother, but it may take some time.
It might be that your son just detests what he is studying at GCSE and his mind works the same as my brother's. Some people work differently. My brother also had a tutor for maths and some times would just lock himself in the bathroom when she showed up, at the age of 15.
His development is on it's own timeframe and unfortunately there is not much you can do to force him to do something he simply does not want to do, regardless of him being unaware of the consequences. That isn't to say that he won't end up going to university/getting other qualifications, it will probably just happen at a different pace than with others as his mindset seems to be 'as to what suits me' kind of thing. Maybe organise a meeting with you and his head teacher to properly go through the problems and the consequences if these continue, and beyond that there isn't much you can do (you can never force a kid to study to their 100% commitment unfortunately). Just hopefully it gets better, as it did with my brother, but it may take some time.
Original post by Hariom74
Dear forum, my son Dhyan is 15 and attending a very highly rated high school. He is bright, well natured at school but his work is a shambles.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
Personally, I would stop giving him all these luxurys, just like my father did to me. At first, he was very complacent and used to buy me all the new designer clothes and electronic devices, but this was only because I was excelling in my studies. However, as time passed, my grades
deteriorated and I had to fix up. My father constantly told me to just work hard for the next 3-4 years and then I could chill at university and later, have a well earning job, which I enjoy and is labour free, i.e. not having to do factory work etc. Unfortunately, I did not listen to him and I even regret it right now. Luckly, my father became very strict on my education and made a strict time table. If it wasn't for him being so strict and caring about my education, I wouldn't have been studying medicine at such a good university right now.
Original post by Hariom74
Dear forum, my son Dhyan is 15 and attending a very highly rated high school. He is bright, well natured at school but his work is a shambles.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
Hello, I'm writing this as a college student now - I was once, kinda the same as your son!
At GCSE I always wandered off in my thoughts, day dreaming in class - and this was simply because I HATED school and I found lessons so boring, I never revised. I always watched youtube videos all day, and at the end of the day I had no confidence in myself - although I was put on the 'able and talented list' and had a natural ability.
Then I got to college, I LOVE it here! I get to study what I want and I'm going to university next year
. This could be the same as your son, actually picking what he WANTS to learn.Regarding the private tutor! WOW! I would have been so grateful to have had that and to have one now. If he isn't grateful for the tutor, the clothes, gaming equipment and everything else - take it away. He will probably kick up a fuss about it (I would too if someone took my phone!), but at the end of the day it's his grades vs. silly videos. Those videos and games will always be there for him after the exams. If he didn't have all those luxuries, he may mature a bit more - I eventually did, I live on my own now in a flat - I love it here, I'm independent and I actually sold my gaming equipment.
As well, when he has a tutor does he work straight for an hour? For some people that is a bad idea. For example, it is suggesting that when revising you should have short spurts and then a break - so you don't get drained or bored.
Create a study timetable, with him - he still needs to feel in control, and not that you are pushing him (if you push him to revise, he may push against doing it). Set aside 2-3 hours of revision a day, but not in one go - do 30 minutes, then have a break, etc. However, the method of revising is also important. Do the tutors just talk at him? Because get him involved, use flashcards, I have a boyfriend who I gave my work book to and he asks me questions and I answer them verbally, you will be able to find youtube videos on the topic too.
However, if he does bad in his grades - this may make him see reality.
You do not deserve to be disrespected (well he is a teenager - it is to be expected, but still...), you are a great parent and obviously care - as most parents don't. Your son should count himself lucky
https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5049838#primary_content <--- This is one way which motivates me, its called 'grow your grades' and it reminds me to revise as I update it often.
Original post by Hariom74
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
It doesn't sound like you're providing boundaries or any discipline. You're rewarding bad behaviour. He sees that he gets all these rewards without having to do anything for them, so what's his motivation to try harder?
Original post by Hariom74
Dear forum, my son Dhyan is 15 and attending a very highly rated high school. He is bright, well natured at school but his work is a shambles.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
You really shouldn't be giving him all that stuff if he isn't going to work. He's going to expect you to pamper him without working for it if you keep giving him expensive things that are unnecessary to the GCSE course and distract him from studying. You should also let him know of the consequences of doing badly in GCSEs to set a perspective on why you care about it and encourage him to do better. Just don't give as much stuff, and you could set up a steady reward system, as in if he gets grade 'X', then he gets item 'X'. You could also set an amount of time he needs to revise to get an amount of time on the smartphone. I'm not a parent, but I use a system like this and get good grades.
I’ve read all replies and let me say I’ve been deeply moved by all comments. For a while I felt as if I’m all wrong and doing nothing good for him but as I’ve just all these kind comments to him. As normal he just said nothing with blank expression. As for comment about equipment I agree too and it’s my wife who doesn’t understand any of it. I’ll ensure she reads what everyone has said.
I can only do my best and will continue to encourage him but the rest is up to him. I wish everyone that is working so hard and well with a dream the very best it’s great to see so many mature students out there. We need students like you to help this world from various troubles. Keep up the great work.
I can only do my best and will continue to encourage him but the rest is up to him. I wish everyone that is working so hard and well with a dream the very best it’s great to see so many mature students out there. We need students like you to help this world from various troubles. Keep up the great work.
Original post by Hariom74
I’ve read all replies and let me say I’ve been deeply moved by all comments. For a while I felt as if I’m all wrong and doing nothing good for him but as I’ve just all these kind comments to him. As normal he just said nothing with blank expression. As for comment about equipment I agree too and it’s my wife who doesn’t understand any of it. I’ll ensure she reads what everyone has said.
I can only do my best and will continue to encourage him but the rest is up to him. I wish everyone that is working so hard and well with a dream the very best it’s great to see so many mature students out there. We need students like you to help this world from various troubles. Keep up the great work.
I can only do my best and will continue to encourage him but the rest is up to him. I wish everyone that is working so hard and well with a dream the very best it’s great to see so many mature students out there. We need students like you to help this world from various troubles. Keep up the great work.
You obviously care deeply, and I wish you all the best too. This can be a very supportive place so don't be afraid to come back. Good luck to you and your son :-)
Smack him up and take away his luxury. Christ woman it’s not your fault but have some god damn self respect. I would take away that gaming PC in an instant and only let him play for 1 hour a day if he behaves himself.
Let me say where I come from and how tough it was for me. My mother brought me up single handed and when I was 15 she was finding it hard to get enough money home to feed us. I realized that my education even though I was not bright was the key forward. I remember nights when there was no food or heating on, and this was back in 1985. She couldn’t afford new school clothes for me so she bought it second hand.
My son knows my history and I am actually quite hard on him but his life is very different to my own. He has all the food he wants and is spoiled compared to what I had back then.
If he doesn’t learn soon about what is important then life will teach him the hard way which is a shame.
Today, I work as a microchip designer and business directly with apple. That hard work in the early years worked out well for me. I fear my son will not understand that. If any of you can convince him then write to him directly sometime. I can provide his email address.
My son knows my history and I am actually quite hard on him but his life is very different to my own. He has all the food he wants and is spoiled compared to what I had back then.
If he doesn’t learn soon about what is important then life will teach him the hard way which is a shame.
Today, I work as a microchip designer and business directly with apple. That hard work in the early years worked out well for me. I fear my son will not understand that. If any of you can convince him then write to him directly sometime. I can provide his email address.
Tell the little **** that if he doesn't try harder, in five years time he'll end up like those losers who come and post on TSR about how their life isn't working out as they wanted and they don't have the grades to get anywhere. Nobody likes them and they usually get trolled to high kingdom.
Unfortunately, if your son continues in this manner he will end up regretting his actions and especially your words. I was like this too but not so extreme but at the end of year 10 in Maths I was a grade 4 and I was not having it. There was no way on earth I could accept myself getting a grade 4 in year 11. As normal you'd want your son to aim for the top but you need to enforce the rules in a way where he has no option. Worst case scenario (and you wouldn't really want it to come down to this) is you sell all his goods and lock him in his room, where it's revision or nothing.
Original post by Future_Surgeon
Tell the little **** that if he doesn't try harder, in five years time he'll end up like those losers who come and post on TSR about how their life isn't working out as they wanted and they don't have the grades to get anywhere. Nobody likes them and they usually get trolled to high kingdom.
It’s strange but without the expletive language I’ve said just the same to him. Maybe this discussion may come to haunt him. Or if lucky he will wake up and start to do something about his life. What is clear to me though is that he is not grown up to appreciate that priority of life is not to go trying to fit in with people but to focus on oneself and in that effort alone doorways to good solid friends will open. He is still a child.
Original post by Hariom74
Dear forum, my son Dhyan is 15 and attending a very highly rated high school. He is bright, well natured at school but his work is a shambles.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
What a lucky kid, I guess for some they don't know what they have until they never have it so perhaps taking away some of the valuable things will do good but that'll get harder as he gets older and doesn't guarantee he'll focus, je could just react badly In retaliation.
It's not a mental problem, he just has different priorities. Maybe he likes a girl and his attentions are going that way or to an alpha of a friendship group.
Original post by Hariom74
It’s strange but without the expletive language I’ve said just the same to him. Maybe this discussion may come to haunt him. Or if lucky he will wake up and start to do something about his life. What is clear to me though is that he is not grown up to appreciate that priority of life is not to go trying to fit in with people but to focus on oneself and in that effort alone doorways to good solid friends will open. He is still a child.
Send him off to volunteer somewhere with people who are less fortunate. It may change his mindset.
Or y'all should go on Jeremy Kyle so Jezza can yell at him.
Original post by Hariom74
Let me say where I come from and how tough it was for me. My mother brought me up single handed and when I was 15 she was finding it hard to get enough money home to feed us. I realized that my education even though I was not bright was the key forward. I remember nights when there was no food or heating on, and this was back in 1985. She couldn’t afford new school clothes for me so she bought it second hand.
My son knows my history and I am actually quite hard on him but his life is very different to my own. He has all the food he wants and is spoiled compared to what I had back then.
If he doesn’t learn soon about what is important then life will teach him the hard way which is a shame.
Today, I work as a microchip designer and business directly with apple. That hard work in the early years worked out well for me. I fear my son will not understand that. If any of you can convince him then write to him directly sometime. I can provide his email address.
My son knows my history and I am actually quite hard on him but his life is very different to my own. He has all the food he wants and is spoiled compared to what I had back then.
If he doesn’t learn soon about what is important then life will teach him the hard way which is a shame.
Today, I work as a microchip designer and business directly with apple. That hard work in the early years worked out well for me. I fear my son will not understand that. If any of you can convince him then write to him directly sometime. I can provide his email address.
Heavily restrict his activity on the smartphone and gaming PC to make him appreciate what he used to have, and gain a larger drive and determination to work for it back. You can't just let him have his own way and fail, push him like you used to before year 10, especially in year 10 through year 13, because those years are one of the most important in his academic life.
(edited 6 years ago)
As a parent I understand. I have never been in your position though
As has already been said, he is consistently rewarded for bad behaviour so there’s no motivation
We all want to give our children better than we had so giving him all these things is a normal response.
You’re fortunate to be in a secure financial position so if I were you I would continue to provide the extras with regards to education and stop everything else.
Remove everything that is not necessary.
He’s at an awkward age. Not child nor adult and the hormones are battling.
If he’s withdrawn and uncommunicative, have you checked that there’s nothing else going on?
Bullying, drugs, debts etc.
Try to keep working with school. If they can see you’re serious then they may continue to support him to the best of their ability rather than remove him.
Right now he’s privileged and a little spoiled. He probably feels entitled to everything he has. You’ll need to teach him that these things need to be earned. If you do choose to cut these things out then prepare for a long time of battling! You will become the worst parents that mankind ever created. And it’s important that you and your wife stick together. Neither must give in or he’ll play you off against each other.
In a couple of years he’ll mature significantly and come to see the benefits he’s had. He’ll have a career in mind and something to aim for.
It’s going to be tough but for all your sakes you need to do it now
Good luck
As has already been said, he is consistently rewarded for bad behaviour so there’s no motivation
We all want to give our children better than we had so giving him all these things is a normal response.
You’re fortunate to be in a secure financial position so if I were you I would continue to provide the extras with regards to education and stop everything else.
Remove everything that is not necessary.
He’s at an awkward age. Not child nor adult and the hormones are battling.
If he’s withdrawn and uncommunicative, have you checked that there’s nothing else going on?
Bullying, drugs, debts etc.
Try to keep working with school. If they can see you’re serious then they may continue to support him to the best of their ability rather than remove him.
Right now he’s privileged and a little spoiled. He probably feels entitled to everything he has. You’ll need to teach him that these things need to be earned. If you do choose to cut these things out then prepare for a long time of battling! You will become the worst parents that mankind ever created. And it’s important that you and your wife stick together. Neither must give in or he’ll play you off against each other.
In a couple of years he’ll mature significantly and come to see the benefits he’s had. He’ll have a career in mind and something to aim for.
It’s going to be tough but for all your sakes you need to do it now
Good luck
Original post by Hariom74
Dear forum, my son Dhyan is 15 and attending a very highly rated high school. He is bright, well natured at school but his work is a shambles.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
I’d like to give an example of how difficult it is to manage him. In year 9 he was given private tuition for maths and in fact he has had tuition at various places for many years because I care about him. As I say he is smart but each tutor has said one thing, he is not focused and wandering off somewhere in his thoughts. Anyway, he managed to do well in maths after hours of pushing him and he moved to the top set. In year 10, he has decided he will be back to the old ways and his book is a mess. The teacher is saying he will move down and he just doesn’t care. Now, he knows all of his stuff but he just doesn’t want to drive himself to do better. When he writes he like scrapes his pen on the paper to write. His books are tatty and presentation without ruler, scribbles, no working out.
Now, he is more focused in how his friends think of him, or if he isn’t invited to a meet than how his results are panning out.
At home, if we as parents say good morning he grunts or worst case tells us to shut up. I bought him a 2000 pound gaming pc, he gets designer clothes without any question. He is given all the best food, and comfort in life. He is tutored to a cost of thousands each year and we or I, are treated with disrespect.
I sit with him to go over his homework because teachers tell me his work needs supervision so we fulfill our obligation as part of a contract we signed at start of high school.
As I say he is in all purposes a good person but what is clear is that he is not mature in his thinking yet. He is more alert in watching silly YouTube videos, or viewing if anyone had talked about him in Snapchat or instagram than thinking, “ well if I’m not wanted as a friend, perhaps I should focus on what I’m good at, and friends will come in college or university”
As a parent I will continue to support him but I find it very sad that when I was his age, I wasn’t smart and struggled to understand many things but my determination was evident. I wanted to ensure that I had 80-100 years of ease in life. So with 10-15 years of hard study get a good job and not even think about what is expensive or not. And today I can do just that but for my son, he has not seen this problem and it’s surprising since he is a boy/man and he is taller than me. He looks like a man yet his taking style, and manners are not up to his appearance.
Today, I know friends and social media are important but at what point would you as a teenager says, you know what I’m not a kid anymore and I must wake up and friends, if I’m not wanted right now then perhaps it’s because I’m not showing any spark in myself in general that maybe a reason.
You see that is just it, he doesn’t have any vision for himself at all and it’s strange.
Anyway, I was hoping there might be a student out there that understands and can perhaps help me to understand how to help him. He is a great kid, but he does need to wake up a little.
I mean if’s you’ve work to get into top set maths and then happy to slide back down it really shows some mental problem to me. It makes no sense. Thanks for reading.
Hi I just read your message, my story is very similar to yours. We are in a similar situation with our son. I see this message was written five years ago.
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