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Boyfriend had sex with me when I'd passed out.

Yes it's rape. But aren't we all jumping a little too ahead... with the ditch and kill the guy. (I can't believe I'm saying this, my sense of morality must have flown out the window...)

Especially when people consider other cases of disrespect perfectly acceptable and mistakable.

Actually.. maybe just go with the dumping.

Reply 121

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

I'd most definately not go to the party, and explain why. And dump his ass indeed. And tell your brothers/male friends. I'm sure they'd deal with him in the correct manner.

What he did is beyond sick no matter his previous record.

I told one of my girl friends on MSN. She said he was drunk and i shouldn't let it come between is. Which is why i was pretty taken aback by peoples reations on here. But then again she is a bit of a div.

Reply 122

rosetinted

2

Even if she gave consent and didn't remember, it would still be a horrendous thing to do. If your gf was totally hammered and consented to sent and then totally passed out would you carry on having sex with her unconscious body?...HELL NO.

The fact that he refuses to discuss it and gets angry at you for 'trying to make him feel guilty' is even more telling than the act itself. Your boyfriend is a total git. You're already disgusted and upset by his behaviour and you'll only get more and more repulsed if you stay with him...not only at him, but at yourself for putting up with it. If you aren't fine, don't pretend to be.

Personally I'd want to run a hundred miles in the other direction if someone dared to do something so despicable to me..after telling the police of course.

Reply 123

h3artie

"Saying that I still feel really upset I keep crying & all :frown:

I can't just stop loving him :frown:

"

Now see, THIS is what fks me off. This western bullcrap of love and how "oh, he hit me but I loooove him, I can'tttt just leave." Actually, though, I could sort of understand that, but you were RAPED. That is the lowest and most sickening abuse he could have done to you right then. I can not believe you haven't already dumped him and are still pisssing about with it. I'm sorry for what happened to you, really I feel so bad for you, but it's honestly just annoying at how you're letting your feelings get in the way of what is right... You love him so rape is okay? NO! Dump him!

Reply 124

Angelil

19

Yes, it is rape.
However, how drunk he was isn't relevant. The fact is that you have now confronted him about it WHILE HE WAS SOBER and he has STILL not ***ing apologised. I don't even know you and I want to kick his head in on your behalf.
Even if you don't go to the police (for whatever reason), you should dump him. Someone that remorseless could do it again.

Reply 125

gm15

13

Anonymous

Hmm maybe. If I didn't know how out of it he was himself then yeah I probably would be dumping him, but he was so drunk he could barely string a sentace together. This isn't his usual behaviour.

Arr the he was drink so he wasn't himself he didn't know what he was doing he's not like that defence - domestic abuse and rape victims' favourite since 500bc *sigh* the old ones are the best!
Alcohol can actually bring out somebodies true character. I've only ever been drunk-ish once but it made me cheerful if a bit too honest - he on the other hand raped you! And the drunk defence doesn't count when he srugged off the next morning when he was sobber.
Get some self respect woman!!!!!!

Reply 126

Anonymous #1

OP

only nihilism

If you're drunk enough to pass out you're drunk enough to go along and then forget that you did, nd his reaction sounds more defensive than uncaring. If you get so drunk you're basically handing away your own ability to decide things and remember them to the hands of fate.

I know I know, I shouldn't get that drunk and put myself into those situations - I was just celebrating my last exam and went a bit too far - plus as I was walking home with my boyfriend I though he'd protect me :rolleyes:

Reply 127

Johnsmith61089

As everyone here has said, its rape! DUmp him and find someone else. Also, don't get that drunk again.

Reply 128

h3artie

Anonymous

Hmm maybe. If I didn't know how out of it he was himself then yeah I probably would be dumping him, but he was so drunk he could barely string a sentace together. This isn't his usual behaviour.

Why are you defending him and his actions? You are clearly very disturbed and upset over this, you KNOW it was wrong, regardless of whether he was drunk or not. If you tried to push him off and said NO I still can't see how any drunk person could not get that.

And perhaps what is important too is that this person is clearly dangerous when he's drunk. Your boyfriend is a rapist, let's say, when he's drunk. It could easily happen again. You are scared and you can't trust him, as you said. He shouldn't be drunk around you anymore, if you remain with him, which you most definitely will........

Reply 129

gm15

13

Anonymous

I know I know, I shouldn't get that drunk and put myself into those situations - I was just celebrating my last exam and went a bit too far - plus as I was walking home with my boyfriend I though he'd protect me :rolleyes:

While its true you shouldn't have got that drunk and he was meant to protect you but let's no give him any defence here. The man is a rapist. Dump him, go to the police and if you haven't washed since ask for a rape kit test.

Reply 130

Kashya

13

Lets summarise OP:

You're boyfriend while drunk, raped you. He raped you. He RESTRAINED you. Your argument is that he was drunk and was not himself.

While SOBER, your boyfriend did NOT CARE and thought this behaviour was fine. This is your boyfriend. There is no excuse for this one. He didnt even say sorry, he couldnt even understand why you were upset at all. Does this not **** you off? Seriously?

Its not even that fact that he did it that annoys me, its the fact that he couldnt give a **** and thinks he did nothng wrong. It's your decision whether to stay with him, and to be honest from reading this thread, I think you will. In staying with this rapist of a boyfriend, you have only degraded yourself. He has no respect for you and you have no respect for yourself.

I seriously envy that relationship.

Reply 131

rosetinted

2

Oh and also, to those people saying that she may have consented while drunk and not remembered. True...but if you're mid sex and someone withdraws consent then becomes rape if you carry on. She tried to push him off, which is clearly withdrawing consent.

Reply 132

curiouslyorange1989

legally its rape, but it would never ever stick in court because its simply word against word, hes your boyfriend, and you were both drunk, so saying go to the police is just pointless.

Also women can give consent when VERY drunk (to the person that said it, not sayin the OP did coz she blates never), its only if your unconcious through drink that no consent is given...

Reply 133

H.JJJ

13

WTF dump his sorry ass, he RAPED you, i havent read the other posts except the op's one and from what i read, he deserves a little visit from the police

btw you might have already said this in a previous post, but was he wearing a condom?!

Reply 134

curiouslyorange1989

gm15

While its true you shouldn't have got that drunk and he was meant to protect you but let's no give him any defence here. The man is a rapist. Dump him, go to the police and if you haven't washed since ask for a rape kit test.

wouldnt really prove anything except that he did actually have sex with her...

the issue here would be the whole Consent or no?, drunken regrets etc which is what results in something like only 5% of rape cases resulting in conviction or whatever....

Reply 135

02mik_e

14

report him for rape, sex without consent. Stupid idiot how can he do that to you, although you are his gf, he has completely lost it :ciao:

Reply 136

BellaNotte

3

How long have you been with the guy?

Reply 137

gm15

13

curiouslyorange1989

wouldnt really prove anything except that he did actually have sex with her...

the issue here would be the whole Consent or no?, drunken regrets etc which is what results in something like only 5% of rape cases resulting in conviction or whatever....

I guess not. And I guess there'd be no injuries to prove the rape as she was out cold - unless of course there are bruises on the wrists.

Reply 138

h3artie

Kashya

Lets summarise OP:

You're boyfriend while drunk, raped you. He raped you. He RESTRAINED you. Your argument is that he was drunk and was not himself.

While SOBER, your boyfriend did NOT CARE and thought this behaviour was fine. This is your boyfriend. There is no excuse for this one. He didnt even say sorry, he couldnt even understand why you were upset at all. Does this not **** you off? Seriously?

Its not even that fact that he did it that annoys me, its the fact that he couldnt give a **** and thinks he did nothng wrong. It's your decision whether to stay with him, and to be honest from reading this thread, I think you will. In staying with this rapist of a boyfriend, you have only degraded yourself. He has no respect for you and you have no respect for yourself.

I seriously envy that relationship.

EXACTLY to all of that.

Especially afterwards, that's the worse - he couldn't care less!

You need some confidence and self-respect, clearly... maybe then you'll leave him =/.

Reply 139

Anonymous #1

OP

Kashya

In staying with this rapist of a boyfriend, you have only degraded yourself. He has no respect for you and you have no respect for yourself.

I seriously envy that relationship.

Yeah thanks. I love it how sarcastic and judgemental some people can be. Seriously I'm still very upset and shaken up, I do not need people ramming down my throat how i have no respect for myself. It's very easy to make decisions when it didn't happen to you. There is no need to take the piss out of me.

Boyfriend had sex with me when I'd passed out.

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