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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Angelil

Joppsta - parents can be surprisingly understanding! After the whole 'hey mum, dad, can I fly to Paris to meet this random French bloke off the internet?' moment, my parents are pretty unshockable now :p:

Its more a matter of the fact that this girl is gonna come between me doing my career you see?

She won't move to scotland (yet i might try it but i'd rather be up in the states cause they get snow thier where shes at.. yes i know.. lol) and if she doesn't do that then the industry around here isn't exactly the same as there. I have the choice of career or her and to be honest i have already made my decision but it not only depends upon my parents understanding but whether or not she is up for it also. A wait before i can get there.

Reply 781

Angelil

19

Hmmm yes I see your problem :frown:

I think one of you has to make a choice at some point - ultimately LDRs need to have a light at the end of the tunnel.

Reply 782

Joppsta

Angelil

Hmmm yes I see your problem :frown:

I think one of you has to make a choice at some point - ultimately LDRs need to have a light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess it comes down to when i visit (hopefully within the next 2 years) whether or not she likes me or if she finds someone else.

lol its actually pretty ironic.. i told myself i wouldn't let this happen to me ever and look now? I find it funny at least..

Reply 783

Couldxbe

16

Due to circumstances/convinience/company I've spent most days the past month with my boyfriend, which has been fantastic, but obviously we've been used to seeing eachother practically every day. I move away in less than 2 weeks (20th! so soon!) so I'm having a bit of an issue:
Do we continue to spend as much time as possible together because we won't be able to for the next few months, or do we stop seeing eachother to prepare ourselves for the move?
Thanks guys

Reply 784

Fleece

15

Seems to me you're placing a lot on this Joppsta, when it doesn't seem like she's even shown you any sign of liking you?

Don't put your life on hold for something that's not even happened.

Reply 785

Fleece

15

Couldxbe - It'd be senseless to not spend time with each other when you actually can, just to prepare yourself! You'll have time to get used to it when you actually are apart, but just make the most of each other now!

Reply 786

*Joanna*

12

Zoedotdot

I'll be in Cambridge, he's in Liverpool - about a four hour train ride. The trains are far too expensive though, so if we're doing any visiting it'll probably be on the coach. It makes going just for a day or night less manageable. I don't really want to leave it longer than two weeks between visits, but I'm going to be very short of money and probably time :frown:

I was planning on visiting him at the end of terms because mine are shorter than his... hopefully he can make time in the middle to see me. Mainly I'm looking forward to the holidays, when he lives either round the corner from me or a 20 minute drive/hour by public transport away (divorced parents).

sugarlumps.

Hi honey.

I hope you're doing okay. Just try and keep yourself as busy as you can for the next few weeks, cos I'm sure once we fiiinally get to Cambridge (I keep wanting to call it 'The Bridge' even though I know how lame that sounds) it'll get much easier. Jack doesn't leave until after me this year, but wants to come and visit as soon as he can. Trains are £75 return though which is absolutely shocking for just a few days, but I'm hoping that once we've figured out our time tables and got a better idea of social/formal stuffs we'll be able to find weekends and book enough in advance to get £35 returns instead. If you decided on a weekend in November for example, you could get Liverpool - Cambridge return (or two singles) for a grand total of £22.

So there if definitely definitely hope there.

Hope I've helped a little bit.

The thing about Cambridge is time management- I'm not going to pretend that there isn't **** loads of work to do because there is. But I know quite a few people that had successful LDRs while we were there so it is possible. Ruth, you'll have lectures on a Saturday (blergh, but you get used to them) but if you can pan ahead far enough, you should be able to make sure you don't have supervisions. My friend took her boyfriend to lectures with her- he'd come on the Friday and go home on Monday- and he didn't understand a word of what was being said (though come to think of it, neither did I half the time) but he just liked being there with her and knew it was a compromise he had to make to spend time with her. If you know your other half is coming, you can scrimp on the socialising for a week or so to get important work done. Buuuuuut don't scrimp on the socialising too much that you're lonely and missing them all the time.

Sorry if I sound patronising, but I know the prospect of just going to Cambridge can be utterly terrifying, never mind trying to factor in a relationship. If you need any info about it and don't want to spam up the chat thread, just PM me.

Reply 787

Stacey Murphy

Liability Bennett

So I'm about to embark upon the journey to Aberystwyth to do a MScEcon. My boyf lives in Gloucestershire, and I live in West Glamorgan, so we're used to having a long distance relationship. However, he's due to leave for Japan next summer for a year, and I have to really get my head down and study hard this year. Also will have to do two shifts a week working. And it's really expensive to go see him. Even if the transport only costs £25, he loves to go out to dinner or the cinema and what have you. I'm a bit concerned that I should just call it quits now because the relationship on top of an already hefty workload and the expense of the relationship on top of the expenses I have on a very limited budget, are going to be negative factors that outweigh the pleasure of having somebody to hold for a couple of nights a month. Just airing my spleen. Will probably just see how it goes.

Ok. so I too am going to Aberystwyth soon and my boyfriend is going to a different university. (about 100 miles away) I have been with him for many years and he too went to Japan on a foregin exchange. We coped without seeing each other for 2 months and it was fine (I know the situation is a lil' different).

If you are commited to the relationship and he is too I believe you can work it out!! When my boyfriend and I are in different unis we are going to stay together because we have both talked about what we would do if either of us finds someone else or wants out. A LDR is going to be hard but we technology these days you'll be fine. If you truly love him then you should stay together because it will work itself out.

Where in Japan is he moving too because I have travelled all over the country and am familiar with many areas.

Reply 788

Joppsta

Fleece

Seems to me you're placing a lot on this Joppsta, when it doesn't seem like she's even shown you any sign of liking you?

Don't put your life on hold for something that's not even happened.

Yeah i know this an all. She just has me in a paralyzed state of mind in terms of looking for someone else. That's the problem. If i could just say f it now i would just to make my life a little simpler but of course like many things they are easier said than done. I tried and failed at this already.. 2 weeks in spain, no way of communicating and told her that i was thinking about trying to forget about her. I fail.

One of two things is going to happen. I'm going to say f it or she's gonna get fed up of my *******.

I think its more likely to be the latter..

Reply 789

itsbecciguys

Hello, I'm VERY new here but I just wanted to ask something.
Me and my boyfriend have been going out officially for nearly two years, but we've been "together" for a much longer time. We're currently at sixth form together and we've been through a lot. Next year, we'll be starting uni. I want to do Animal Behaviour and Welfare, hopefully at Chester, and as my boyfriend doesn't have a clue what he wants to do (he only wants to go to uni because his parents have been pretty insistent on it, ie. putting money away for it, talking constantly about it, badgering him about courses...) we've been trying to look at unis that we can both go to.
My question is; is this sensible? Should we look at the same uni or go to ones we want to seperately? And if so, should we call the relationship a day, or should we keep trying? The reason I want to know is, if this relationship shouldn't go anywhere, I'd like to be prepared instead of it gradually falling to bits over the years we're at uni. I want to be able to enjoy my university experience instead of worrying about my boyfriend all the time.
Thanks guys. Lots of love x

Reply 790

-steph-

2

I didnt think i would be back here after a my last long distance relationship died horribly and I promised myself that I would never do that to myself again. Well he is older and I think he understands it a better than my ex. I even tried to tell him that I didnt want to be in another long distance relationship. He calls me while I'm in england and sends me sweet texts, he just does things so different from my ex. I dont have to make excuses for him but I do feel kind of bad because I cant introduce him to my family unless he changes his job as my parents will freak if they know that he works in my community. I'm just so happy.

Reply 791

aeternuslight

7

Couldxbe

Due to circumstances/convinience/company I've spent most days the past month with my boyfriend, which has been fantastic, but obviously we've been used to seeing eachother practically every day. I move away in less than 2 weeks (20th! so soon!) so I'm having a bit of an issue:
Do we continue to spend as much time as possible together because we won't be able to for the next few months, or do we stop seeing eachother to prepare ourselves for the move?
Thanks guys

I've been in a pretty similar situation. After my job finished two weeks ago I've been living with my boyfriend before I move to London this coming weekend. I've been trying to decide if this was a bad thing to do, as we've spent every single day together for pretty much the last month. I decided that it was a good thing, I want to make the most of the time we have together before I have to leave. Yes, it will probably make it harder to begin with, but I'm just thinking of all the good times we're having, and all the good memories I now have of this time spent together. I think that will make the difficulty of the start of the separation a bit easier. :smile:

Reply 792

EvilSheep

SofinaaBabess

Anybody? I swear this thread is called "ADVICE centre"??

It is, and people answer the posts they feel they can give advice for, and unfortunately for you, no one has replied to your post yet. Your post isn't really LDR-related though, seeing as you have no intention on embarking on one...

IMO, if you don't want to have a relationship with this boy, tell him so, and do it fast. If he comes over thinking that it'll lead somewhere, it'll be even harder letting him down. Does he expect to be able to stay at yours?? Even if you said that he could stay at yours you have no obligation to let him stay. He didn't ask what dates that suited you etc, so he cannot just come over expecting your house to be open at any time. What about a hotel/youth hostel or the like??
If you tell him this, you won't have to tell your parents anything, as he won't be staying with you at all, and as such, you won't have a problem at all..

Reply 793

EvilSheep

SofinaaBabess

Well it is kind of LDR-related and I didn't post in H&R to avoid trolling.
I haven't texted back and I'm not going to (lol) because I can't bear the idea of hurting his feelings, he was so nice to me so it's better if I don't reply..Do you think this is the best thing to do?

Thanks, for finally replying to meeeee oxoxox

I'd text him back, if only to say that he cannot stay because of blah blah blah. Tell him that you have plans, or that your parents won't allow it.. SOmething like that would be better than just ignoring him IMO..

Reply 794

22KT22

15

Ok, i think if you dont want a relationship then you need to tell him. it will hurt more if you just ignore him than if you tell him straight.

Reply 795

22KT22

15

Mmm couldnt you ask him what he wants? which will help you make your decesion. i can see why ignoring him seems easier but surely its better to be upfront and honest.

Reply 796

EvilSheep

22KT22

Mmm couldnt you ask him what he wants? which will help you make your decesion. i can see why ignoring him seems easier but surely its better to be upfront and honest.

At least text him and say that he can't stay at yours, so that he can either cancel the trip or sort out some other living arrangement...

Reply 797

Angelil

19

itsbecciguys

Hello, I'm VERY new here but I just wanted to ask something.
Me and my boyfriend have been going out officially for nearly two years, but we've been "together" for a much longer time. We're currently at sixth form together and we've been through a lot. Next year, we'll be starting uni. I want to do Animal Behaviour and Welfare, hopefully at Chester, and as my boyfriend doesn't have a clue what he wants to do (he only wants to go to uni because his parents have been pretty insistent on it, ie. putting money away for it, talking constantly about it, badgering him about courses...) we've been trying to look at unis that we can both go to.
My question is; is this sensible? Should we look at the same uni or go to ones we want to seperately? And if so, should we call the relationship a day, or should we keep trying? The reason I want to know is, if this relationship shouldn't go anywhere, I'd like to be prepared instead of it gradually falling to bits over the years we're at uni. I want to be able to enjoy my university experience instead of worrying about my boyfriend all the time.
Thanks guys. Lots of love x

Choose universities that are right for each of you. Go away and do your research separately, picking courses and locations that YOU like. If when you compare your lists some of the same unis appear, then that's all good, because you'll know you're applying/going to them because YOU want to. However, don't choose the same unis for the sake of it, as that is a really bad idea - one of you may end up resenting the other.
If you end up at separate unis, it's better to have a go and know you tried your best no matter what happens. Being apart can actually be good for your relationship - there's no reason why it has to be a negative thing. I've just come out of a 3.5-year international LDR - but not because the relationship's ended, because we're now living together! If you love one another then it can be done.

Reply 798

*Joanna*

12

Angelil

Choose universities that are right for each of you. Go away and do your research separately, picking courses and locations that YOU like. If when you compare your lists some of the same unis appear, then that's all good, because you'll know you're applying/going to them because YOU want to. However, don't choose the same unis for the sake of it, as that is a really bad idea - one of you may end up resenting the other.
If you end up at separate unis, it's better to have a go and know you tried your best no matter what happens. Being apart can actually be good for your relationship - there's no reason why it has to be a negative thing. I've just come out of a 3.5-year international LDR - but not because the relationship's ended, because we're now living together! If you love one another then it can be done.