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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre
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Hi.
I thought this would be the ideal thread to chat to some folks about whats going on in my life just now and how its making me feel.
Im in a long distance relationship, and we see each other almost every three weeks but over the summer because Im going to work in France I wont see him at all.
The last time I saw him was Thursday and Ive got a feeling that because of exams coming up, that will be it for three/four months. I feel so upset, and I really miss him.
We keep in touch by msn but its never enough, since getting back from his place on Thursday I have felt so empty and lost. I know it sounds really soppy and weak but he's a big part of my life and without him I feel like somethings missing. Im just madly in love with him and its driving me mad that I cant be with him during the summer.
In two years time Im going to be moving to the same city (and town) as him for a postgraduate course, but until then Ive got two summers of feeling like this. Last year was the same when I had to work in a restaurant all summer and didnt have time off to travel to him.
The worst feeling is coming back to my flat, I live with other students who are nice but not the sort of people I would usually make friends with, so I tend to stay on my own. I join in with them most of the time and go out, but I still feel out of place because Im slightly older than the rest of them and have been at uni before so Ive grown a bit tired of all the heavy drinking games and most of the stuff they do isnt my thing. Im quite a shy person too. This of course separates me even more from the rest of them and makes me lonely. I just sit in my room all day studying or reading, the only time I feel good is when I get out in the sunshine but even then Im usually on my own
What im asking for is some advice on how I can make things better for myself, at least until I go to France (when Ill probably feel a lot better). How can I stop the feelings of loneliness and boredom?
I thought this would be the ideal thread to chat to some folks about whats going on in my life just now and how its making me feel.
Im in a long distance relationship, and we see each other almost every three weeks but over the summer because Im going to work in France I wont see him at all.
The last time I saw him was Thursday and Ive got a feeling that because of exams coming up, that will be it for three/four months. I feel so upset, and I really miss him.
We keep in touch by msn but its never enough, since getting back from his place on Thursday I have felt so empty and lost. I know it sounds really soppy and weak but he's a big part of my life and without him I feel like somethings missing. Im just madly in love with him and its driving me mad that I cant be with him during the summer.
In two years time Im going to be moving to the same city (and town) as him for a postgraduate course, but until then Ive got two summers of feeling like this. Last year was the same when I had to work in a restaurant all summer and didnt have time off to travel to him.
The worst feeling is coming back to my flat, I live with other students who are nice but not the sort of people I would usually make friends with, so I tend to stay on my own. I join in with them most of the time and go out, but I still feel out of place because Im slightly older than the rest of them and have been at uni before so Ive grown a bit tired of all the heavy drinking games and most of the stuff they do isnt my thing. Im quite a shy person too. This of course separates me even more from the rest of them and makes me lonely. I just sit in my room all day studying or reading, the only time I feel good is when I get out in the sunshine but even then Im usually on my own
What im asking for is some advice on how I can make things better for myself, at least until I go to France (when Ill probably feel a lot better). How can I stop the feelings of loneliness and boredom?
for Shockley. If I knew how to stop feeling lonely and bored, I'd be a lot happier atm - I know how it feels to have flat mates who aren't the type of people you'd normally hang around with. Do you have anyone else you can go and see? Or clubs you can join? (although I appreciate the problems with that last one - being shy isn't really conducive to walking into a room full of strangers).We have a chat thread where we do even more hugs and support for LDR-ers here since it's not in H+R means that we may go 'off topic' occasionally, but it works well for keeping me reasonably sane!
Hope you're feeling better soon
Me Myself I for Shockley. If I knew how to stop feeling lonely and bored, I'd be a lot happier atm - I know how it feels to have flat mates who aren't the type of people you'd normally hang around with. Do you have anyone else you can go and see? Or clubs you can join? (although I appreciate the problems with that last one - being shy isn't really conducive to walking into a room full of strangers).
We have a chat thread where we do even more hugs and support for LDR-ers here since it's not in H+R means that we may go 'off topic' occasionally, but it works well for keeping me reasonably sane!
Hope you're feeling better soon
for Shockley. If I knew how to stop feeling lonely and bored, I'd be a lot happier atm - I know how it feels to have flat mates who aren't the type of people you'd normally hang around with. Do you have anyone else you can go and see? Or clubs you can join? (although I appreciate the problems with that last one - being shy isn't really conducive to walking into a room full of strangers).We have a chat thread where we do even more hugs and support for LDR-ers here since it's not in H+R means that we may go 'off topic' occasionally, but it works well for keeping me reasonably sane!
Hope you're feeling better soon
It does work!
this time of year is really hard especially with the exams and people going home for the summer. As for feeling lonely its to be expected and as me, myself and i said if we knew how to solve it completely then well there wouldnt be another thread! try to do stuff to keep your mind off it (hard i know) revision, taking a walk, packing, going out with friends... is there no way he can visit you in france this summer?
what the others said Can you not take a week off or so from work? Surely they have to allow you some leave... Or could he visit you as 22KT22 said? Skype would be great, especially if you have a webcam, so at least you could see him and talk to him, if visiting isn't an option
Can you not take a week off or so from work? Surely they have to allow you some leave... Or could he visit you as 22KT22 said? Skype would be great, especially if you have a webcam, so at least you could see him and talk to him, if visiting isn't an option
(((((Shockley)))))
The feeling when you've just left them is AWFUL - it really does feel as if you've just lost part of your body. However, as awful as it sounds, you soon settle in to not being able to see them. It doesn't mean you never miss them, it doesn't mean it's never hard, it doesn't mean you never have bad days. But you do come to accept a little more that if that's how often you're going to get to see them, that's how often you're going to get to see them. It's often better than not being with them at all
And as has already been said, come to our chat thread. It's the business
The feeling when you've just left them is AWFUL - it really does feel as if you've just lost part of your body. However, as awful as it sounds, you soon settle in to not being able to see them. It doesn't mean you never miss them, it doesn't mean it's never hard, it doesn't mean you never have bad days. But you do come to accept a little more that if that's how often you're going to get to see them, that's how often you're going to get to see them. It's often better than not being with them at all
And as has already been said, come to our chat thread. It's the business
I suppose the only thing you can do is try to decide what's more important to you; your potential life with your boyfriend or your life in the UK.
Are you studying in London, and intending on going back to the US in a few years, or do you never want to move back over there?
How long have you and boyfriend been long distance? When you started being LD, was there a definite time mentioned when you would live in the same place again?
Is he absolutely certain that he doesn't want to move over here?
Sorry if these all seem like mad questions, but I thought they might help you figure out what's important to you deep down.
You have a really difficult decision to make, and I'm sorry that I can't offer any more help/advice, but maybe try thinking about those questions, because they might help a bit
Are you studying in London, and intending on going back to the US in a few years, or do you never want to move back over there?
How long have you and boyfriend been long distance? When you started being LD, was there a definite time mentioned when you would live in the same place again?
Is he absolutely certain that he doesn't want to move over here?
Sorry if these all seem like mad questions, but I thought they might help you figure out what's important to you deep down.
You have a really difficult decision to make, and I'm sorry that I can't offer any more help/advice, but maybe try thinking about those questions, because they might help a bit
Well, the relationship started several years ago. he live in NY and I use to live in Cali. I moved here to futher my education on nursing..just to get a feel of how it is here. My grandmother's family is from here.
We didn't even discuss anything about living arrangements till he proposed. It's heartbreaking. I love him lots! I'm just torn.
Thanks for the advice! It's helping!
We didn't even discuss anything about living arrangements till he proposed. It's heartbreaking. I love him lots! I'm just torn.
Thanks for the advice! It's helping!
If you moved here to further your education does that mean you'll be moving back after a certain length of time? What is stopping him from moving over here (as you've explained why you can't go back)? If you are planning on moving back to the US after (for example) a year, you could still be engaged now and then get married when you go back?
I know it must be difficult, but you've spent 8 years of your life with this guy already, so you must both love each other a lot...
I think you need to talk to him about your options, BOTH of your options
I know it must be difficult, but you've spent 8 years of your life with this guy already, so you must both love each other a lot...
I think you need to talk to him about your options, BOTH of your options
Angelil
However, as awful as it sounds, you soon settle in to not being able to see them. It doesn't mean you never miss them, it doesn't mean it's never hard, it doesn't mean you never have bad days. But you do come to accept a little more that if that's how often you're going to get to see them, that's how often you're going to get to see them. It's often better than not being with them at all
I'll second this. With distance, you do just need to sort of "get used to it" I suppose; the consolation being that whilst you may be apart for now, you are together, and that is the ultimate goal.
Better to be with them and have distance in the way than not with them at all! That's how I console myself!
I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, and its only getting better, but I've still decided to carry on an go to university in England. I live in France, and he will most likely be studying in Paris. So we know we won't see each other often but plan to make efforts on both sides to travel. I know I will miss him terribly although sometimes I really manage to distance myself and feel independant; I was in NY for a month in January and he probably missed me more than I did, but of course I was also having more fun than him at the moment. I know it will be hard but I also feel we will last over a year, and more if things don't get too bad. But the only thing I am sort of scared of is the temptation of living my youth and having fun, which university is partly made for... Have you been tempted,what happened?
Hi, em what is the link to the LDR society?
Also.. currently having a bit of trouble trying to persuade my mum to let me see my bf as much as possible. She's very catholic and despite the fact that we get on great on 95% of topics, love and sex is not one of them. It's always just been don't ask/don't tell in the past, but now that I want to be jetting off every month or so, it's getting a bit difficult.
He came to stay last weekend, and is a bit shy around people he doesn't know, so I don't think they all really bonded. Also.. I had a bit of a mark on my neck
.
Any tips for how to bring up the subject of frequent travelling?
Also.. currently having a bit of trouble trying to persuade my mum to let me see my bf as much as possible. She's very catholic and despite the fact that we get on great on 95% of topics, love and sex is not one of them. It's always just been don't ask/don't tell in the past, but now that I want to be jetting off every month or so, it's getting a bit difficult.
He came to stay last weekend, and is a bit shy around people he doesn't know, so I don't think they all really bonded. Also.. I had a bit of a mark on my neck
.Any tips for how to bring up the subject of frequent travelling?
Hey, the link for the chat thread is here.
How long have you two been together? And how old are both of you?
My only suggestion is to talk to your mum as an adult and let her know how serious your relationship is, how careful you're being, and have a talk about what both of you believe, to see if you can come to some sort of agreement. If you're able to talk to her about other stuff, you've probably spoken to her about all this already, but I don't know what else to suggest, sorry.
How long have you two been together? And how old are both of you?
My only suggestion is to talk to your mum as an adult and let her know how serious your relationship is, how careful you're being, and have a talk about what both of you believe, to see if you can come to some sort of agreement. If you're able to talk to her about other stuff, you've probably spoken to her about all this already, but I don't know what else to suggest, sorry.
We're both 17 and we've been really good friends for about 8 or 9 months, and "more than friends" since March.
Yeah I mean it's not even a desire to tear each other's clothes off all the time, just I really miss him, and want to see him! And it doesn't seem worth the expense going all the way over there just for a day.
Yeah I mean it's not even a desire to tear each other's clothes off all the time, just I really miss him, and want to see him! And it doesn't seem worth the expense going all the way over there just for a day.
This is Scotland to Ireland, right? (sorry, I have an appalling memory 
)
Yes, it's a bit far for one day! As I say, all I can suggest is talk to your mum - try and be as open and honest as you can with each other, maybe if she understands the relationship a bit more, then she might be a bit more willing to listen to you and work out a solution.
Feel free to come over to the other thread if you just want a general rant/chat - we don't bite too much
)Yes, it's a bit far for one day! As I say, all I can suggest is talk to your mum - try and be as open and honest as you can with each other, maybe if she understands the relationship a bit more, then she might be a bit more willing to listen to you and work out a solution.
Feel free to come over to the other thread if you just want a general rant/chat - we don't bite too much
Yup this is Scotland-Ireland!
I think cos she's just never been aware of my love life in the past either, except if I'd casually mention going to the cinema with a guy or something.
Also when he was here we never really got any proper alone time due to my mum being pretty strict.. ah it's just annoying that we're so far apart in the first place, but even with the cheapness of ryanair, we're still not getting to see as much of each other!
I will maybe have a wee look in there I dunno if I feel I qualify as a proper LDR-er!
I think cos she's just never been aware of my love life in the past either, except if I'd casually mention going to the cinema with a guy or something.
Also when he was here we never really got any proper alone time due to my mum being pretty strict.. ah it's just annoying that we're so far apart in the first place, but even with the cheapness of ryanair, we're still not getting to see as much of each other!
I will maybe have a wee look in there
I dunno if I feel I qualify as a proper LDR-er!I spend uni hols living 10 minutes drive away from my boyfriend; and try to see him every 2 weeks in term time and I still post in there - I think you qualify more than I do
anz117 - goodbyes are horrible
But flights are cheaper now if you book them in advance, is there any way you can visit him before the summer? Or if you can't, then can he visit you and you pay for some/all of the trip? I guess he comes for long periods at a time, but even a weekend visit to Germany is doable nowadays
Come to the chat thread in the societies section if you want to rant, etc on a regular basis
But flights are cheaper now if you book them in advance, is there any way you can visit him before the summer? Or if you can't, then can he visit you and you pay for some/all of the trip? I guess he comes for long periods at a time, but even a weekend visit to Germany is doable nowadays
Come to the chat thread in the societies section if you want to rant, etc on a regular basis
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