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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre
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It doesn't make a difference, we both know either way im right. I have a sad history of that nowdays. I tell the cold hard truth about life. Things that people try, every day, to defy. Sometimes, all you need is a good slap from reality. Thats what I deliver. I know the post makes me sound like an ass...but hey. Reality...remember?
Zamolxes
It doesn't make a difference, we both know either way im right. I have a sad history of that nowdays. I tell the cold hard truth about life. Things that people try, every day, to defy. Sometimes, all you need is a good slap from reality. Thats what I deliver. I know the post makes me sound like an ass...but hey. Reality...remember?
Sure, reality is part of life but that doesn't mean it has to be harsh and cold and it doesn't mean people should always think the worst of situations.
'we both know either way i'm right' - calm down, i wasn't trying to say your wrong I was just saying my views. At the end of the day our views won't change eachothers opinions.
By the way, i don't live in dream world either i've had my own fair share of 'harsh reality' but if your actually always that harsh about things i doubt you'll be able to be truly happy in life if you have such a negative outlook. At least, that's certainly the impression your giving me here!
And I just proved my point. Hence why LDR's are retareded. Thank you. Firstly. No, im not angry lol. And secondly, I'm actually a very happy person. But you don't know that. Because you haven't seen me in real life. You don't know. Period. Point. Case. I rox.
Anyway. I know you didn't say im wrong. I'm trying to convince you im right. Which I know I won't but, nowadays I feel quite sure of myself. And what I believe in. Because I only use logical reasons to explain my...reasoning :P. I know at the end of the day theres reasons for and against. From my point of view, the points against outway the points for. I'd much prefer to be single rather than being in an LDR. Much less choosing an LDR over a real relationship.
Anyway. I know you didn't say im wrong. I'm trying to convince you im right. Which I know I won't but, nowadays I feel quite sure of myself. And what I believe in. Because I only use logical reasons to explain my...reasoning :P. I know at the end of the day theres reasons for and against. From my point of view, the points against outway the points for. I'd much prefer to be single rather than being in an LDR. Much less choosing an LDR over a real relationship.
Zamolxes
And I just proved my point. Hence why LDR's are retareded. Thank you. Firstly. No, im not angry lol. And secondly, I'm actually a very happy person. But you don't know that. Because you haven't seen me in real life. You don't know. Period. Point. Case. I rox.
Anyway. I know you didn't say im wrong. I'm trying to convince you im right. Which I know I won't but, nowadays I feel quite sure of myself. And what I believe in. Because I only use logical reasons to explain my...reasoning :P. I know at the end of the day theres reasons for and against. From my point of view, the points against outway the points for. I'd much prefer to be single rather than being in an LDR. Much less choosing an LDR over a real relationship.
Anyway. I know you didn't say im wrong. I'm trying to convince you im right. Which I know I won't but, nowadays I feel quite sure of myself. And what I believe in. Because I only use logical reasons to explain my...reasoning :P. I know at the end of the day theres reasons for and against. From my point of view, the points against outway the points for. I'd much prefer to be single rather than being in an LDR. Much less choosing an LDR over a real relationship.
Okay! Well I have nothing else much to say other than, at least your happy and so am i ! so that's good.
LDR is worth waiting for provided if you really love each other.
Zamolxes
I only use logical reasons to explain my...reasoning :P.
Woah. Slow the **** down, professor.
My critique of long-distance relationships is fairly simple: when contemplating a romantic partnership with anyone, it is highly probable that you ultimately aspire to being married, or at least to co-habitation. Now, unless you then resolve to spend incrementally greater periods of time in one another's presence (assuming you are even capable of doing so, which is a case-in-point), any such endeavour will be undermined at a grass-roots level because joint-tenancy with another person tends to entail a complete paradigm-shift from seeing them, however routinely, on an optional, temporary and essentially casual basis; and it is axiomatic that, as with sexual preferences, domestic arrangements are capable of betraying irreconcilable differences which are only effectively disclosed in practice - which is to say: you don't know how well you can tolerate living with someone without first having lived with them, much as you won't really know whether you're sexually-compatible with someone 'til you've ****ed them. Thus, the archetypal 'long-distance relationship' is an inherent gamble, and one whose stakes only increase as time goes on and the relationship progresses in other respects, for exactly the same reason as 'no sex before marriage' is itself an irrational proposition: human nature.
Not that this would preclude such a relationship for me, mind; but it's naïve to suppose that merely having been 'in love' or technically 'an item' for any length of time will make living together a logical progression. You may have been indulging in idyllic trysts every other week-end since 2007, but so far as the fundamentals are concerned, make no mistake: you're still at square one.
If you feel she is worth it, then I would tell you to go for it. Dont let her pass you by just because of something as trivial as distance. I'm currently in a LDR with a Dutchie, and we only get to see each other once a month. I couldn't care if he lived much further away than that because of what he means to me. We met online not that long ago actually, and after realising what we felt for each other, decided to meet up and go for it. Trust me, if she is worth it, go for it. Mine certainly was worth going for. I now have a wonderful boyfriend and just because he's so far away it doesn't make our relationship any less meaningful. I would argue that it's more meaningful because of the amount of effort we're putting into keeping our relationship strong and loving.
You dont want to miss out on that because you dont live near each other. If she's the right girl for you, do it.
You dont want to miss out on that because you dont live near each other. If she's the right girl for you, do it.
Ldrs do work and theres a whole society of us proving that it can, of course sometimes it doesnt but from what ive seen its very seldom to do with distance but rather other issues in the relationship that have come to light. you can make it work BUT you've both got to be willing to give it a go and put in the effort. if shes having doubts now and doesnt want one then shes probably not going to put the same amount of effort in that you are willing to. its something that only you can decide whether its worth it.
sometimes the nature of the person itself determines it a long distance relationship works.some partners need their other half close to them all the time while some it's okay to just have them in their heart and wait till they can get together again. which one are you?
my ex left me because he doesn't want a long distance relationship. he needs his partner by his side all the time. as for me, i initially did not agree for a break up because i don't see the problem of not having him around all the time. i can be contented just hearing his voice and having him online...
my ex left me because he doesn't want a long distance relationship. he needs his partner by his side all the time. as for me, i initially did not agree for a break up because i don't see the problem of not having him around all the time. i can be contented just hearing his voice and having him online...
My boyfriend lives in Glasgow and I live in London and we've been together for a year now. I think what's important are the dynamics of the relationship; it's going to be difficult if you are a jealous person or very needy...
I don't agree with whoever argued that LDRs are make believe, something other than reality. I see my boyfriend at least every two weeks (sometimes less, sometimes much more) and we are 100% dedicated to each other. Just because he lives far away doesn't mean what we feel isn't real and if anything we have a better relationship than some of my friends who live near each other because we understand what is best for each other and what we need independently of our relationship.
I think if the girl is worth it, go for it but you can't make her have a relationship she doesn't want...
I don't agree with whoever argued that LDRs are make believe, something other than reality. I see my boyfriend at least every two weeks (sometimes less, sometimes much more) and we are 100% dedicated to each other. Just because he lives far away doesn't mean what we feel isn't real and if anything we have a better relationship than some of my friends who live near each other because we understand what is best for each other and what we need independently of our relationship.
I think if the girl is worth it, go for it but you can't make her have a relationship she doesn't want...
Smack
Which suggests you're intending on pursuing a LDR primarily because you cannot get anything closer; desperation, rather than genuine love.
Don't think I'm being impolite, but that's all you know - this girl is amazing, and I can't imagine anyone not loving her, really.
redbean89
sometimes the nature of the person itself determines it a long distance relationship works.some partners need their other half close to them all the time while some it's okay to just have them in their heart and wait till they can get together again. which one are you?
my ex left me because he doesn't want a long distance relationship. he needs his partner by his side all the time. as for me, i initially did not agree for a break up because i don't see the problem of not having him around all the time. i can be contented just hearing his voice and having him online...
my ex left me because he doesn't want a long distance relationship. he needs his partner by his side all the time. as for me, i initially did not agree for a break up because i don't see the problem of not having him around all the time. i can be contented just hearing his voice and having him online...
If you're talking to me, I can (I'm sure) content myself with MSN and phone calls, but I would prefer to be able to physically be together - that's the reason why she doesn't want to get into a relationship with me at the moment, because she's been in a LDR and didn't like not actually being there with them.
If I can get to meet up with her, I'll surely try, but money will probably be a bit of an issue.
Tootles
If you're talking to me, I can (I'm sure) content myself with MSN and phone calls, but I would prefer to be able to physically be together - that's the reason why she doesn't want to get into a relationship with me at the moment, because she's been in a LDR and didn't like not actually being there with them.
If I can get to meet up with her, I'll surely try, but money will probably be a bit of an issue.
If I can get to meet up with her, I'll surely try, but money will probably be a bit of an issue.
yeap, i get what you mean
if i can have my partner with me, it's the best of course provided if circumstances allow...and money can be an issue too. it's just different for every individual i guess. i can go against all odds knowing that there is someone out there for me. just me i guess
Profesh
Woah. Slow the **** down, professor.
My critique of long-distance relationships is fairly simple: when contemplating a romantic partnership with anyone, it is highly probable that you ultimately aspire to being married, or at least to co-habitation. Now, unless you then resolve to spend incrementally greater periods of time in one another's presence (assuming you are even capable of doing so, which is a case-in-point), any such endeavour will be undermined at a grass-roots level because joint-tenancy with another person tends to entail a complete paradigm-shift from seeing them, however routinely, on an optional, temporary and essentially casual basis; and it is axiomatic that, as with sexual preferences, domestic arrangements are capable of betraying irreconcilable differences which are only effectively disclosed in practice - which is to say: you don't know how well you can tolerate living with someone without first having lived with them, much as you won't really know whether you're sexually-compatible with someone 'til you've ****ed them. Thus, the archetypal 'long-distance relationship' is an inherent gamble, and one whose stakes only increase as time goes on and the relationship progresses in other respects, for exactly the same reason as 'no sex before marriage' is itself an irrational proposition: human nature.
Not that this would preclude such a relationship for me, mind; but it's naïve to suppose that merely having been 'in love' or technically 'an item' for any length of time will make living together a logical progression. You may have been indulging in idyllic trysts every other week-end since 2007, but so far as the fundamentals are concerned, make no mistake: you're still at square one.
My critique of long-distance relationships is fairly simple: when contemplating a romantic partnership with anyone, it is highly probable that you ultimately aspire to being married, or at least to co-habitation. Now, unless you then resolve to spend incrementally greater periods of time in one another's presence (assuming you are even capable of doing so, which is a case-in-point), any such endeavour will be undermined at a grass-roots level because joint-tenancy with another person tends to entail a complete paradigm-shift from seeing them, however routinely, on an optional, temporary and essentially casual basis; and it is axiomatic that, as with sexual preferences, domestic arrangements are capable of betraying irreconcilable differences which are only effectively disclosed in practice - which is to say: you don't know how well you can tolerate living with someone without first having lived with them, much as you won't really know whether you're sexually-compatible with someone 'til you've ****ed them. Thus, the archetypal 'long-distance relationship' is an inherent gamble, and one whose stakes only increase as time goes on and the relationship progresses in other respects, for exactly the same reason as 'no sex before marriage' is itself an irrational proposition: human nature.
Not that this would preclude such a relationship for me, mind; but it's naïve to suppose that merely having been 'in love' or technically 'an item' for any length of time will make living together a logical progression. You may have been indulging in idyllic trysts every other week-end since 2007, but so far as the fundamentals are concerned, make no mistake: you're still at square one.
Actually, I can't help but agree with this.
Smack
Which suggests you're intending on pursuing a LDR primarily because you cannot get anything closer; desperation, rather than genuine love.
Show me a picture of your girlfriend, so that I can compare her to someone vastly more attractive (but virtually unattainable) and then accuse you of 'settling for less' out of 'desperation, rather than genuine love'.
SmilerNuts
Actually, I can't help but agree with this.
even though I'm in an LDRMy boyfriend goes to St Andrews - 350 miles from me ... Im really upset at the moment because he's just gone back up to Scotland and Im not going see him for a few weeks ... it is only a few weeks and i probably seem really pathetic but its so hard. Even though we see and talk to each other all the time on msn it just makes me want to be with him properly even more ...
Our relationship is going really well at the moment, I cant even see us breaking up, and I know we wont be any time soon.
I have the choice to apply to St Andrews, even thought its pretty hard to get in and its so far from home and everything ... I want to just because hes there but my sensible brain is telling me that is a pretty ridiculous thing to do ... and If I get in there and also at other unis the decision of where to go will be so much more complicated, like choosing between love and location. Anyone been in a situation like this?
Our relationship is going really well at the moment, I cant even see us breaking up, and I know we wont be any time soon.
I have the choice to apply to St Andrews, even thought its pretty hard to get in and its so far from home and everything ... I want to just because hes there but my sensible brain is telling me that is a pretty ridiculous thing to do ... and If I get in there and also at other unis the decision of where to go will be so much more complicated, like choosing between love and location. Anyone been in a situation like this?
andi2036
My boyfriend goes to St Andrews - 350 miles from me ... Im really upset at the moment because he's just gone back up to Scotland and Im not going see him for a few weeks ... it is only a few weeks and i probably seem really pathetic but its so hard. Even though we see and talk to each other all the time on msn it just makes me want to be with him properly even more ...
Our relationship is going really well at the moment, I cant even see us breaking up, and I know we wont be any time soon.
I have the choice to apply to St Andrews, even thought its pretty hard to get in and its so far from home and everything ... I want to just because hes there but my sensible brain is telling me that is a pretty ridiculous thing to do ... and If I get in there and also at other unis the decision of where to go will be so much more complicated, like choosing between love and location. Anyone been in a situation like this?
Our relationship is going really well at the moment, I cant even see us breaking up, and I know we wont be any time soon.
I have the choice to apply to St Andrews, even thought its pretty hard to get in and its so far from home and everything ... I want to just because hes there but my sensible brain is telling me that is a pretty ridiculous thing to do ... and If I get in there and also at other unis the decision of where to go will be so much more complicated, like choosing between love and location. Anyone been in a situation like this?
Ive applied to the same uni as my boyfriend, but only as my last choice, I dont really think it's sensible to go to the same uni as your other halfs. You need time apart, if your constantly stepping on each others toes all the time then your more likely to argue. You each need your own friends etc. University is what sets you up for the rest of your life, if you cannot live without him for a few years now then your really going to be very dependant on him later on in life. It is better to go your seperate ways (but carry on being together) and get your own education without worrying whether you can see your boyfriend after your lecture one night.
It seems a bit complicated..what I'm saying, but it's logical. You shouldnt go somewhere just because he does because it cannot gurantee you the happiness it gives him. Your boyfriend will always be there if he loves you, your education at this point is more important.
It doesn't mean you love him any less.
I hate being in a LDR but deap down I know that it's all worth it, as later on in life after we've both graduated we can look for somewhere together, and then settle down etc. (Something we've talked about).
andi2036
My boyfriend goes to St Andrews - 350 miles from me ... Im really upset at the moment because he's just gone back up to Scotland and Im not going see him for a few weeks ... it is only a few weeks and i probably seem really pathetic but its so hard. Even though we see and talk to each other all the time on msn it just makes me want to be with him properly even more ...
Our relationship is going really well at the moment, I cant even see us breaking up, and I know we wont be any time soon.
I have the choice to apply to St Andrews, even thought its pretty hard to get in and its so far from home and everything ... I want to just because hes there but my sensible brain is telling me that is a pretty ridiculous thing to do ... and If I get in there and also at other unis the decision of where to go will be so much more complicated, like choosing between love and location. Anyone been in a situation like this?
Our relationship is going really well at the moment, I cant even see us breaking up, and I know we wont be any time soon.
I have the choice to apply to St Andrews, even thought its pretty hard to get in and its so far from home and everything ... I want to just because hes there but my sensible brain is telling me that is a pretty ridiculous thing to do ... and If I get in there and also at other unis the decision of where to go will be so much more complicated, like choosing between love and location. Anyone been in a situation like this?
I know exactly how your feelingg, my boyfriend is 300 miles away from me. Our LDR is going fabulously too, I think its ridiculous for some people to say that and LDR is not a real relationship!! I don't apply for uni til next year, but I know i will be in the same situation, in my head i think, well obviously i have to apply to where I feel is best for my course etc, but then I think, I want to be near to the boy (who is in Durham) and then I think, well what if things don't work out it would be so stupid to go to somewhere for a boyfriend but then if thats what will make you happy then why not.. I know I'm not helping, but I feel the same way
good luck with your choices! xxxZamolxes
Actually I have been in a serious one. And I/we got overly serious. It was only after it was over that I realised I was being retarded. A lot of time has passed and I've learned the error's of my ways. I know how an LDR relationship feels. And I know how real life relationships feel. My opinion, from my experience, LDR's are an imagination, a fake representaiton of what a relationship really is. That's why I think they are a waste of time, and a terrible, terrible idea.
I think you're generalising all LDRs just because of your bad experiences. Sure, plenty of LDRs don't work out, but so many do. Most people here have been in a "real" relationship and then somebody has to leave for univeristy or whatever, so does that real life relationship suddenly become imaginary? Of course 300 mile distance is ideal, but if you really love that person and during that period your happy then why is it such a waste of time? I respect your opinion but I completely disagree.. I am in a LDR and it gets hard, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons! I'm happy and I think it is completely worth it
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