Girl I'm dating is dating someone else
I've been dating a girl for around 2 months. We were never officially together but it felt exclusive and I assumed we would end up in a relationship eventually.
It was going well until she just told me she started dating another guy and it's going well with him and she thinks we should end but she's not decided yet. I was shocked and angry but given we were never officially together I remained calm and polite.
When I asked why she said she's getting bored of me because all we do is go round each others house at night, have sex then wake up in the morning and leave then meet again at night and repeat.. she said we don't do anything real and she's starting to lose feelings and just see me as a booty call "boy" so she downloaded tinder and started exploring her other options and met another guy who is more of a "real man" taking her out on roadtrips during the day, planning day events and spending time with her during the day doing real world things and she said even though they've only been seeing eachother for a couple of weeks that it feels more like a real relationship with him than with me.
She said she's not ending things with me just yet because she wants to keep her options option to find the best partner for her, and to also give me time before her decision to give me a chance to "step up" my effort with her and then she will decide. She told me examples of things he's done with her and what they have planned for their next date this weekend and i cant help myself but be impressed with this guys game, he's planned some romantic weekend event with her. Like who tf is this guy having so much game. He's older than me so i guess has much more experience.
Even though inside i was mad and upset, I tried to be understanding and a nice guy to her, so i said i'm fine with her seeing this other guy and will respect her space and for her to continue dating this other guy and then tell me her decision after who she wants to pick.
but i realise me saying that is just me being the pushover nice guy letting her date other guys and me being the back up option. I eel i should have stood my ground a bit and be more of a man.
Now i want to fight for her and step up my game to win her over but the truth is i don't know if i even should / how i feel anymore because:
1) i don't want to be anyones second option
2) i feel the fact she is exploring options and it isn't clear she wants me shows we shouldnt be together, e.g. i feel if she truly liked me it she shouldnt even need to decide, it should be clear no comparison to choose me
3) I don't want to be a pushover letting her date other guys and walk all over me
However at the same time i can't help be be understanding because:
1) i really didnt put any effort i was just having sex with her thinking that was enough so i don't blame her for starting to date someone else.
2) the fact she hasn't ended things yet i feel shows she still has a little feeling for me to give me a chance to step up my game
not really sure what to do now, any advice?
It was going well until she just told me she started dating another guy and it's going well with him and she thinks we should end but she's not decided yet. I was shocked and angry but given we were never officially together I remained calm and polite.
When I asked why she said she's getting bored of me because all we do is go round each others house at night, have sex then wake up in the morning and leave then meet again at night and repeat.. she said we don't do anything real and she's starting to lose feelings and just see me as a booty call "boy" so she downloaded tinder and started exploring her other options and met another guy who is more of a "real man" taking her out on roadtrips during the day, planning day events and spending time with her during the day doing real world things and she said even though they've only been seeing eachother for a couple of weeks that it feels more like a real relationship with him than with me.
She said she's not ending things with me just yet because she wants to keep her options option to find the best partner for her, and to also give me time before her decision to give me a chance to "step up" my effort with her and then she will decide. She told me examples of things he's done with her and what they have planned for their next date this weekend and i cant help myself but be impressed with this guys game, he's planned some romantic weekend event with her. Like who tf is this guy having so much game. He's older than me so i guess has much more experience.
Even though inside i was mad and upset, I tried to be understanding and a nice guy to her, so i said i'm fine with her seeing this other guy and will respect her space and for her to continue dating this other guy and then tell me her decision after who she wants to pick.
but i realise me saying that is just me being the pushover nice guy letting her date other guys and me being the back up option. I eel i should have stood my ground a bit and be more of a man.
Now i want to fight for her and step up my game to win her over but the truth is i don't know if i even should / how i feel anymore because:
1) i don't want to be anyones second option
2) i feel the fact she is exploring options and it isn't clear she wants me shows we shouldnt be together, e.g. i feel if she truly liked me it she shouldnt even need to decide, it should be clear no comparison to choose me
3) I don't want to be a pushover letting her date other guys and walk all over me
However at the same time i can't help be be understanding because:
1) i really didnt put any effort i was just having sex with her thinking that was enough so i don't blame her for starting to date someone else.
2) the fact she hasn't ended things yet i feel shows she still has a little feeling for me to give me a chance to step up my game
not really sure what to do now, any advice?
Walk away probably, your trap was assuming things would just progress.by default. The relationship you describe sounds v much more a FWB deal, so if you've got lazy and this other guy has made more effort it's not even a close fight.
You say you were never formally together, but several times you refer to not letting her date other people? On one hand you're frustrated she isn't liking you for you, then your admitting you haven't being putting yourself forward as a person, just sex?
You say you were never formally together, but several times you refer to not letting her date other people? On one hand you're frustrated she isn't liking you for you, then your admitting you haven't being putting yourself forward as a person, just sex?
If she told you that she started dating other people because you weren't making an effort... the answer is right infront of your face, make more effort if you still want an exclusive relationship with her. The young lady has a life to live, and doesn't want to be stuck indoors.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I've been dating a girl for around 2 months. We were never officially together but it felt exclusive and I assumed we would end up in a relationship eventually.
It was going well until she just told me she started dating another guy and it's going well with him and she thinks we should end but she's not decided yet. I was shocked and angry but given we were never officially together I remained calm and polite.
When I asked why she said she's getting bored of me because all we do is go round each others house at night, have sex then wake up in the morning and leave then meet again at night and repeat.. she said we don't do anything real and she's starting to lose feelings and just see me as a booty call "boy" so she downloaded tinder and started exploring her other options and met another guy who is more of a "real man" taking her out on roadtrips during the day, planning day events and spending time with her during the day doing real world things and she said even though they've only been seeing eachother for a couple of weeks that it feels more like a real relationship with him than with me.
She said she's not ending things with me just yet because she wants to keep her options option to find the best partner for her, and to also give me time before her decision to give me a chance to "step up" my effort with her and then she will decide. She told me examples of things he's done with her and what they have planned for their next date this weekend and i cant help myself but be impressed with this guys game, he's planned some romantic weekend event with her. Like who tf is this guy having so much game. He's older than me so i guess has much more experience.
Even though inside i was mad and upset, I tried to be understanding and a nice guy to her, so i said i'm fine with her seeing this other guy and will respect her space and for her to continue dating this other guy and then tell me her decision after who she wants to pick.
but i realise me saying that is just me being the pushover nice guy letting her date other guys and me being the back up option. I eel i should have stood my ground a bit and be more of a man.
Now i want to fight for her and step up my game to win her over but the truth is i don't know if i even should / how i feel anymore because:
1) i don't want to be anyones second option
2) i feel the fact she is exploring options and it isn't clear she wants me shows we shouldnt be together, e.g. i feel if she truly liked me it she shouldnt even need to decide, it should be clear no comparison to choose me
3) I don't want to be a pushover letting her date other guys and walk all over me
However at the same time i can't help be be understanding because:
1) i really didnt put any effort i was just having sex with her thinking that was enough so i don't blame her for starting to date someone else.
2) the fact she hasn't ended things yet i feel shows she still has a little feeling for me to give me a chance to step up my game
not really sure what to do now, any advice?
It was going well until she just told me she started dating another guy and it's going well with him and she thinks we should end but she's not decided yet. I was shocked and angry but given we were never officially together I remained calm and polite.
When I asked why she said she's getting bored of me because all we do is go round each others house at night, have sex then wake up in the morning and leave then meet again at night and repeat.. she said we don't do anything real and she's starting to lose feelings and just see me as a booty call "boy" so she downloaded tinder and started exploring her other options and met another guy who is more of a "real man" taking her out on roadtrips during the day, planning day events and spending time with her during the day doing real world things and she said even though they've only been seeing eachother for a couple of weeks that it feels more like a real relationship with him than with me.
She said she's not ending things with me just yet because she wants to keep her options option to find the best partner for her, and to also give me time before her decision to give me a chance to "step up" my effort with her and then she will decide. She told me examples of things he's done with her and what they have planned for their next date this weekend and i cant help myself but be impressed with this guys game, he's planned some romantic weekend event with her. Like who tf is this guy having so much game. He's older than me so i guess has much more experience.
Even though inside i was mad and upset, I tried to be understanding and a nice guy to her, so i said i'm fine with her seeing this other guy and will respect her space and for her to continue dating this other guy and then tell me her decision after who she wants to pick.
but i realise me saying that is just me being the pushover nice guy letting her date other guys and me being the back up option. I eel i should have stood my ground a bit and be more of a man.
Now i want to fight for her and step up my game to win her over but the truth is i don't know if i even should / how i feel anymore because:
1) i don't want to be anyones second option
2) i feel the fact she is exploring options and it isn't clear she wants me shows we shouldnt be together, e.g. i feel if she truly liked me it she shouldnt even need to decide, it should be clear no comparison to choose me
3) I don't want to be a pushover letting her date other guys and walk all over me
However at the same time i can't help be be understanding because:
1) i really didnt put any effort i was just having sex with her thinking that was enough so i don't blame her for starting to date someone else.
2) the fact she hasn't ended things yet i feel shows she still has a little feeling for me to give me a chance to step up my game
not really sure what to do now, any advice?
What a wonderful woman! She's doing you a huge favour. Because she's showing you the blueprint for being successful with her and with most women in the UK.
She's also been positive about her situation and she's gone out and tried another bloke when things weren't working with you. And she's been upfront and honest enough. Not perfectly so, but good enough. It would have been better if she'd made it clearer where you were going wrong before she started dating the other guy, but at least she's come clean about him now. And she's given you a chance to buck your ideas up.
The thing is, what the other guy is doing is at least as easy as what you've been doing. Because going out and doing fun / interesting / romantic dates and days out is at least as easy as staying at home. Because these active dates are great ways to recharge the batteries, forget about stressful stuff like work or studies. And going on little adventures make the mundane parts of life more bearable.
There's loads of great dates and mini adventures you can go on for free or nearly free.
And it aint what you do it's the way that you do it. So that you should step-up the sort of person you are when you're with her. Positive, cracking jokes, enthusiastic, anchored in good emotions and a minimal amount of bad emotions. Light and fun.
Another tip is to be the sort of guy that has meaningful stuff going on in your life. That could be studies if you're doing A levels or a degree. Or some sort of getting rich work project, or some higher purpose thing, or some hobby(s) that fulfill you. With this resulting in you being the sort of guy that's not always available for her time wise.
For evenings when she comes round your house and you stay in, at least provide her with a delicious, nutritous meal. Food shopping and cooking skills are a great help for keeping high calibre women attracted.
Give it your best shot to blow this other bloke out the water. With your best shot coming from a foundation of new improved you. Something you've integrated into your life and who and what you are. So that your best shot comes easy.
And at the same time, you should be trying other women too, because the 2 of you are not in an exclusive relationship right now.
I think you've responded to this situation remarkably well. Because it's clear you've engaged the logical half of your brain and are supressing the emotional half. Now use that swiss watch brain of yours to go ahead and make the necessary changes.
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