I have no friends at uni and don't wanna go back
i'm a 1st yr psych student & so far my uni experience has been more than a bit sub par i can't lie. Things kind of started off okay as I became really close friends with one of my flatmates, but even then I felt a bit lonely since this flatmate was the only person I spoke to whereas they had already made a group of friends other than me. My flatmate did introduce me to their friends they had made outside of the flat but I unfortunately never managed to form a friendship with any of them and it was clear that I was only there because my flatmate would invite me. Despite this, I tried making efforts to get closer to them as they'd all planned to live together next year and my flatmate had suggested that I should as well. Things started to get worse however as my flatmate unexpectedly decided to drop out of uni and move back home.
Since then, I've realised just how much I depended on them and have felt so lonely ever since. Sometimes I go days without properly talking to anyone and it's really taken a toll on my mental health. I don't think I've really ever understood people fully when they talk about depression up until now. the end of last term was the worst I have ever felt in my life and now the thought of going back makes me feel sick. On the plus side, I've managed to get a few appointments with the mental health services at my uni but even though i feel good after leaving the sessions, I slump back within a week and struggle to find the effort to do anything about it. It's like I just can't stop crying. Even to the point where I'll sit in lectures and hold back tears as I think about how everyone has someone to sit with and talk to whilst I don't. I've even cried to myself when I've been on the bus home just from thinking about how bad things are and it feels like the longer I'm in uni the harder I find it to have a single nice, non-depressing thought.
I've also had to find accommodation for next year by myself which I've found quite stressful and makes me feel like I'm missing out whilst everyone's sharing a house with their new uni friends. None of my friends from home who've gone to uni have seemed to have this problem and have a new group of friends already and I just can't help but think why I can't do the same. I've tried some societies and tried to talk to people in my seminars and others in my flat but nothing's seemed to work.
Luckily, 2 of my friends from home go to unis that aren't too far from mine if i get the train, so I can visit them and it's only 2hrs on the train for me to come home so when things get really bad I can go and see them but the thought of having to live like this for the next 2 years is more than a bit overwhelming. It hasn't even been that long since my flatmate left and I already feel like I'm at my limit. I'm going back to uni tomorrow after having a month off at home and am honestly dreading it. I haven't cried or felt awful like that in so long and I really worry that when I go back I'll start feeling horrible again. I also have exams coming up that I haven't really done much work towards, mainly since I've felt so horrible that I haven't found the effort to get out of bed and do anything, so I'm really worried about them.
I don't know what to do. I feel like everyone told me how much I was gonna enjoy uni and that's just not the experience I've had. Even now, when my family asks how uni has been I just lie and say it's great because I don't want them to think I'm having a crap time. I've mentioned some of this to my parents when I came home during term so for the last 2 weeks they would call me everyday to check I was okay and so I had someone to talk to. I'm really thankful that they did that for me and it did make me feel a little less alone but sometimes it would just remind me of how alone I really was.
Any advice is appreciated. I'm feeling a bit better just writing this all out at the moment. So yeah. Thanks
Since then, I've realised just how much I depended on them and have felt so lonely ever since. Sometimes I go days without properly talking to anyone and it's really taken a toll on my mental health. I don't think I've really ever understood people fully when they talk about depression up until now. the end of last term was the worst I have ever felt in my life and now the thought of going back makes me feel sick. On the plus side, I've managed to get a few appointments with the mental health services at my uni but even though i feel good after leaving the sessions, I slump back within a week and struggle to find the effort to do anything about it. It's like I just can't stop crying. Even to the point where I'll sit in lectures and hold back tears as I think about how everyone has someone to sit with and talk to whilst I don't. I've even cried to myself when I've been on the bus home just from thinking about how bad things are and it feels like the longer I'm in uni the harder I find it to have a single nice, non-depressing thought.
I've also had to find accommodation for next year by myself which I've found quite stressful and makes me feel like I'm missing out whilst everyone's sharing a house with their new uni friends. None of my friends from home who've gone to uni have seemed to have this problem and have a new group of friends already and I just can't help but think why I can't do the same. I've tried some societies and tried to talk to people in my seminars and others in my flat but nothing's seemed to work.
Luckily, 2 of my friends from home go to unis that aren't too far from mine if i get the train, so I can visit them and it's only 2hrs on the train for me to come home so when things get really bad I can go and see them but the thought of having to live like this for the next 2 years is more than a bit overwhelming. It hasn't even been that long since my flatmate left and I already feel like I'm at my limit. I'm going back to uni tomorrow after having a month off at home and am honestly dreading it. I haven't cried or felt awful like that in so long and I really worry that when I go back I'll start feeling horrible again. I also have exams coming up that I haven't really done much work towards, mainly since I've felt so horrible that I haven't found the effort to get out of bed and do anything, so I'm really worried about them.
I don't know what to do. I feel like everyone told me how much I was gonna enjoy uni and that's just not the experience I've had. Even now, when my family asks how uni has been I just lie and say it's great because I don't want them to think I'm having a crap time. I've mentioned some of this to my parents when I came home during term so for the last 2 weeks they would call me everyday to check I was okay and so I had someone to talk to. I'm really thankful that they did that for me and it did make me feel a little less alone but sometimes it would just remind me of how alone I really was.
Any advice is appreciated. I'm feeling a bit better just writing this all out at the moment. So yeah. Thanks
I feel your pain. I also found socialising at university difficult because I did not enjoy small talks and outdoorsy activities, which prevented me from having course-mates to call friends. But I have come to terms with the fact that I enjoy deeper conversations and relationships over superficial ones, and I read books to preoccupy myself.
In your case, however, I would suggest actively reaching out to any of your course-mates via email or in person, even if it’s one person who you find interesting, and try to develop a relationship with them through hobbies, conversations, tackling assessments together etc. overtime, he/she will probably appreciate your company and introduce you to their network of friends and acquaintances.
If you cannot actively do this, I suggest you look for school activities that will force you to expose yourself to other students, like a course rep position, or social activities. Maybe with this, you’ll attract potential friends.
Or, just go my way, pursue hobbies that’ll preoccupy your mind and this forces you to derive vitality from within, not without!
I hope this helps!
In your case, however, I would suggest actively reaching out to any of your course-mates via email or in person, even if it’s one person who you find interesting, and try to develop a relationship with them through hobbies, conversations, tackling assessments together etc. overtime, he/she will probably appreciate your company and introduce you to their network of friends and acquaintances.
If you cannot actively do this, I suggest you look for school activities that will force you to expose yourself to other students, like a course rep position, or social activities. Maybe with this, you’ll attract potential friends.
Or, just go my way, pursue hobbies that’ll preoccupy your mind and this forces you to derive vitality from within, not without!
I hope this helps!
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
i'm a 1st yr psych student & so far my uni experience has been more than a bit sub par i can't lie. Things kind of started off okay as I became really close friends with one of my flatmates, but even then I felt a bit lonely since this flatmate was the only person I spoke to whereas they had already made a group of friends other than me. My flatmate did introduce me to their friends they had made outside of the flat but I unfortunately never managed to form a friendship with any of them and it was clear that I was only there because my flatmate would invite me. Despite this, I tried making efforts to get closer to them as they'd all planned to live together next year and my flatmate had suggested that I should as well. Things started to get worse however as my flatmate unexpectedly decided to drop out of uni and move back home.
Since then, I've realised just how much I depended on them and have felt so lonely ever since. Sometimes I go days without properly talking to anyone and it's really taken a toll on my mental health. I don't think I've really ever understood people fully when they talk about depression up until now. the end of last term was the worst I have ever felt in my life and now the thought of going back makes me feel sick. On the plus side, I've managed to get a few appointments with the mental health services at my uni but even though i feel good after leaving the sessions, I slump back within a week and struggle to find the effort to do anything about it. It's like I just can't stop crying. Even to the point where I'll sit in lectures and hold back tears as I think about how everyone has someone to sit with and talk to whilst I don't. I've even cried to myself when I've been on the bus home just from thinking about how bad things are and it feels like the longer I'm in uni the harder I find it to have a single nice, non-depressing thought.
I've also had to find accommodation for next year by myself which I've found quite stressful and makes me feel like I'm missing out whilst everyone's sharing a house with their new uni friends. None of my friends from home who've gone to uni have seemed to have this problem and have a new group of friends already and I just can't help but think why I can't do the same. I've tried some societies and tried to talk to people in my seminars and others in my flat but nothing's seemed to work.
Luckily, 2 of my friends from home go to unis that aren't too far from mine if i get the train, so I can visit them and it's only 2hrs on the train for me to come home so when things get really bad I can go and see them but the thought of having to live like this for the next 2 years is more than a bit overwhelming. It hasn't even been that long since my flatmate left and I already feel like I'm at my limit. I'm going back to uni tomorrow after having a month off at home and am honestly dreading it. I haven't cried or felt awful like that in so long and I really worry that when I go back I'll start feeling horrible again. I also have exams coming up that I haven't really done much work towards, mainly since I've felt so horrible that I haven't found the effort to get out of bed and do anything, so I'm really worried about them.
I don't know what to do. I feel like everyone told me how much I was gonna enjoy uni and that's just not the experience I've had. Even now, when my family asks how uni has been I just lie and say it's great because I don't want them to think I'm having a crap time. I've mentioned some of this to my parents when I came home during term so for the last 2 weeks they would call me everyday to check I was okay and so I had someone to talk to. I'm really thankful that they did that for me and it did make me feel a little less alone but sometimes it would just remind me of how alone I really was.
Any advice is appreciated. I'm feeling a bit better just writing this all out at the moment. So yeah. Thanks
Since then, I've realised just how much I depended on them and have felt so lonely ever since. Sometimes I go days without properly talking to anyone and it's really taken a toll on my mental health. I don't think I've really ever understood people fully when they talk about depression up until now. the end of last term was the worst I have ever felt in my life and now the thought of going back makes me feel sick. On the plus side, I've managed to get a few appointments with the mental health services at my uni but even though i feel good after leaving the sessions, I slump back within a week and struggle to find the effort to do anything about it. It's like I just can't stop crying. Even to the point where I'll sit in lectures and hold back tears as I think about how everyone has someone to sit with and talk to whilst I don't. I've even cried to myself when I've been on the bus home just from thinking about how bad things are and it feels like the longer I'm in uni the harder I find it to have a single nice, non-depressing thought.
I've also had to find accommodation for next year by myself which I've found quite stressful and makes me feel like I'm missing out whilst everyone's sharing a house with their new uni friends. None of my friends from home who've gone to uni have seemed to have this problem and have a new group of friends already and I just can't help but think why I can't do the same. I've tried some societies and tried to talk to people in my seminars and others in my flat but nothing's seemed to work.
Luckily, 2 of my friends from home go to unis that aren't too far from mine if i get the train, so I can visit them and it's only 2hrs on the train for me to come home so when things get really bad I can go and see them but the thought of having to live like this for the next 2 years is more than a bit overwhelming. It hasn't even been that long since my flatmate left and I already feel like I'm at my limit. I'm going back to uni tomorrow after having a month off at home and am honestly dreading it. I haven't cried or felt awful like that in so long and I really worry that when I go back I'll start feeling horrible again. I also have exams coming up that I haven't really done much work towards, mainly since I've felt so horrible that I haven't found the effort to get out of bed and do anything, so I'm really worried about them.
I don't know what to do. I feel like everyone told me how much I was gonna enjoy uni and that's just not the experience I've had. Even now, when my family asks how uni has been I just lie and say it's great because I don't want them to think I'm having a crap time. I've mentioned some of this to my parents when I came home during term so for the last 2 weeks they would call me everyday to check I was okay and so I had someone to talk to. I'm really thankful that they did that for me and it did make me feel a little less alone but sometimes it would just remind me of how alone I really was.
Any advice is appreciated. I'm feeling a bit better just writing this all out at the moment. So yeah. Thanks
Hi there,
I am so sorry you are having a tough time at uni at the moment. I was exactly the same in my first year, I didn't meet my friendship group until second year properly and now I am so glad because they are amazing friends.
Uni is a really tough time and I think sometimes you don't realise that when you are applying, but everything is different. You are away from home, friends, family and everything you have known for your entire life and it changes in like 1 day. I really struggled in my first term of first year as well but it did get better for me.
It is really positive that you are accessing help from your university services and you have spoken to your parents about it as they can all help as well.
More often than not there will be other people who are feeling the exact same way as you, they just maybe haven't voiced it yet. You are definitely not alone in the way you are feeling.
In terms of making friends, I think the best thing you can do is join societies, whether it is sports, academic societies or just fun ones that the university has set up, they are a really good place to meet like minded people.
I really hope this helps,
Ellen
Y3 Medical Student
University of Sunderland
Digital Ambassador
Hello! My name is Aimee and I am a third year criminology and criminal behaviour student Nice to meet you!!
I think everybody is in the same situation when they arrive at university, very anxious about making friends and fitting in. I was the same, not going to lie! I think it’s just natural as it is a big life experience and you don’t quite know what to expect apart from what we see in movies!!
I think at university it is easy to make friends when you put yourself in social situations. For me, it was becoming a student ambassador where I met loads of new people on various different courses. These are people who have since graduated in previous years and we are still messaging every other day. Societies and events at the university are an also great place to meet people! societies are places where you can meet people who share the same interests as you so it’s likely you will meet friends. If you’re feeling very brave you could head your own societies! This will give you a position to create your own society and meet people who share the same interests.
Friends will eventually come, it depends if you’re socialising with people across your university. This could be through your course, one person I met recently told me she would sit next to someone new in lectures and introduce herself to new people. This is a great way to start communicating with people on your course!
Best of luck for the future, Aimee xox
Nice to meet you!! I think everybody is in the same situation when they arrive at university, very anxious about making friends and fitting in. I was the same, not going to lie! I think it’s just natural as it is a big life experience and you don’t quite know what to expect apart from what we see in movies!!
I think at university it is easy to make friends when you put yourself in social situations. For me, it was becoming a student ambassador where I met loads of new people on various different courses. These are people who have since graduated in previous years and we are still messaging every other day. Societies and events at the university are an also great place to meet people!
societies are places where you can meet people who share the same interests as you so it’s likely you will meet friends. If you’re feeling very brave you could head your own societies! This will give you a position to create your own society and meet people who share the same interests. Friends will eventually come, it depends if you’re socialising with people across your university. This could be through your course, one person I met recently told me she would sit next to someone new in lectures and introduce herself to new people. This is a great way to start communicating with people on your course!
Best of luck for the future, Aimee xox
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