Is my boyfriend in the wrong for this?

OP

I think 2 things mainly..
1) Your correct that you should have communicated, you can’t complain too much. There’s also nothing stopping you booking tickets for stuff in advance.
2) It sounds like you want a man to take the lead, if this is not what your boyfriend is like then you may not be compatible in the long run.

Yes that’s very true I should’ve communicated but I think it’s cos it was like one to two hours before it started and i would’ve liked him to of asked me a bit before yk. So we both should communicate in that sense. Plus I can’t book in advance as I have to book 3 weeks in advance to get time off and I just missed the deadline (we saw each other just before I booked it off too) for a few days stupidly so I had to go after work.

I’m sure it’ll work tho if we both try as it was working but I think it just gets harder I guess

Reply 21

Rakas21

21

Original post by Anonymous #1

Yes that’s very true I should’ve communicated but I think it’s cos it was like one to two hours before it started and i would’ve liked him to of asked me a bit before yk. So we both should communicate in that sense. Plus I can’t book in advance as I have to book 3 weeks in advance to get time off and I just missed the deadline (we saw each other just before I booked it off too) for a few days stupidly so I had to go after work.
I’m sure it’ll work tho if we both try as it was working but I think it just gets harder I guess

I meant that when you decided to go, you should have also booked tickets for an attraction. If the guy is incapable of taking control of the situation, you have to direct him or tell him that's what you want. Alternatively, you have to end it.

Speaking as a man, many of us can't take hints and while I'm the one deciding things normally, I can imagine that if your boyfriend is not that driven, you'll have to be the one to pull him along.

Reply 22

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous #1

Is he or am I and my family over reacting?
Hi ,
Basically, we’re long distance as he goes to uni and we’ve dated for almost a year now. We hardly ever see each other due to the distance (2hrs 30 by train max ) and I have work as well.
I haven’t seen him in a few weeks and i went to see him Saturday evening / night and came home tonight…. This was because it was too late to take time off and I also don’t have any days left . I normally go Friday - Monday.
I arrived at 11pm on the Saturday due to working until late that day (9 hours in fact). The Sunday , we just didn’t do much at all and was hoping to do something nice you know- like go see the city or something, maybe I should communicate more but idk anything about the city so I don’t know where to go or what to do. He then decided he’d watch the Man U v Liverpool game (3:30pm - 6:00pm)
He’s been upset with the long distance and he’s always out with uni people all week going to clubs , pubs , watching football , playing games etc but with me he can’t ever decide on what to do.
I had to make the decision myself to go to spoons as idk what else is around and I normally pick where to go where we live at home and so decided just have some food and have drinks (got drunk) .
My mum and sister are saying he could’ve recorded the football ( different if we always see each other of course ) and that it’s a lot of money for a train ticket just to go and watch football that I don’t even enjoy?
I should communicate more with him but didn’t know if it was selfish to have these thoughts ? But if my family r saying it without me saying then I guess it isn’t just me?
What do u think?

The Manchester United vs Liverpool game was one of the biggest games of the season. I watched it live and glad that I did. If your bf missed it, he would have been gutted.

An overall point is that you should communicate more and plan it better since you do the planning at home.

Reply 23

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Jakson123

Why would it be selfish to think you'd like your boyfriend to do something interesting with you when you have travelled a long way to see him? Personally I think you'd be better off ending it as it sounds awfully hard work and he doesn't seem to be making any effort. What are you getting out of this relationship that makes it worth your time and effort?

A bit harsh.

Reply 24

Kathy89

20

Original post by Anonymous #1

Idk I just love him so so much and felt as if im overthinking things but I feel really down. Like im always stuck at home as I have work and im drained after , i thought it’d be nice to do something with him as im an outgoing person. Even if its just a walk to a nice scenery place you know. Or even watch a film. Not stupid football. He knows I dislike football as well. It’s because he has suspected autism & adhd and so do I - so I feel bad and I feel as if he’s not aware of how I feel - he’s sensitive and I love everything about him it’s just the effort and im always choosing what to do or go.
It’s just a mix of long distance and this is making me feel utter **** as he’s always out all week with uni people and then when it’s with me it’s just nothing

You should try to communicate more. Explain how you feel, explain what made you feel that way, but in a gentle way, like you don't really blame him, but more like you've noticed that if he does something it makes you feel a certain way.
Next time maybe suggest to record the game, although I know it is not the same as watching it live, but it worth for spending more time with his gf (at least in my opinion). If he has autism it may be harder for him to plan where to go and what to do, so you should encourage him to plan things with you.
Relationships are being built together, so both sides have to work, otherwise it won't work.

Reply 25

Anonymous #5

I've been in the same boat before! both my ex and I had ADHD (for them, it was diagnosed; for me, it was suspected), and one of their big issues was remembering to text back. like, I would send them a big wall of text about my day, and they would respond 3 days later

initially I thought it was just a communication issue - maybe if I talked about it enough with my ex, and came up with a solution, then it would be fixed right? but nothing improved, and I felt so sad and lonely because I thought that maybe I was the problem

then I found out they were cheating on me lmao and it clicked

I think communication always helps! talk to him first, and see what he says about it. something like "I feel like you don't appreciate me and my time very much, I'd like to spend my time with you doing fun things" could be a starter! and maybe the relationship will improve! but as other commenters have mentioned, if your relationship is stagnating and communication isn't going anywhere, then maybe your relationship isn't really one you want to be in - people with ADHD/autism don't not know how to treat their partners right!!! if he's treating you badly, then maybe he's the problem :frown:

(

I know for a fact that a lot of people will go out of their way to plan a whole visit weeks in advance before their partner arrives! heck, I plan the day weeks in advance when my friends come visit me, never mind my partner. he needs to put in more work! and you shouldn't feel bad for wanting more from him

Reply 26

jelllyfiiish

Life & Style Forum Helper

16

Original post by Anonymous #1

Is he or am I and my family over reacting?
Hi ,
Basically, we’re long distance as he goes to uni and we’ve dated for almost a year now. We hardly ever see each other due to the distance (2hrs 30 by train max ) and I have work as well.
I haven’t seen him in a few weeks and i went to see him Saturday evening / night and came home tonight…. This was because it was too late to take time off and I also don’t have any days left . I normally go Friday - Monday.
I arrived at 11pm on the Saturday due to working until late that day (9 hours in fact). The Sunday , we just didn’t do much at all and was hoping to do something nice you know- like go see the city or something, maybe I should communicate more but idk anything about the city so I don’t know where to go or what to do. He then decided he’d watch the Man U v Liverpool game (3:30pm - 6:00pm)
He’s been upset with the long distance and he’s always out with uni people all week going to clubs , pubs , watching football , playing games etc but with me he can’t ever decide on what to do.
I had to make the decision myself to go to spoons as idk what else is around and I normally pick where to go where we live at home and so decided just have some food and have drinks (got drunk) .
My mum and sister are saying he could’ve recorded the football ( different if we always see each other of course ) and that it’s a lot of money for a train ticket just to go and watch football that I don’t even enjoy?
I should communicate more with him but didn’t know if it was selfish to have these thoughts ? But if my family r saying it without me saying then I guess it isn’t just me?
What do u think?

Honestly I don't think you're overreacting because you as an individual should be more important than a game that could've been rewatched later on (recordings). Moreover, the time you get to spend together is severely rare and the fact that you've bought a ticket to go see him should definitely set his priority onto you!

I hope everything goes well, wish you all the best! :smile:

Reply 27

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Wired_1800

The Manchester United vs Liverpool game was one of the biggest games of the season. I watched it live and glad that I did. If your bf missed it, he would have been gutted.
An overall point is that you should communicate more and plan it better since you do the planning at home.

Yeah I completely understand 100% but he could’ve told me that’s what he wanted to do before i went or when I just got there not 2 hours before the match as I was excited to do something with him even if it was small and he knows I don’t enjoy football and I get it’s a big game for him and things but he could’ve communicated earlier on to keep me aware of what was happening yk

Reply 28

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous #1

Yeah I completely understand 100% but he could’ve told me that’s what he wanted to do before i went or when I just got there not 2 hours before the match as I was excited to do something with him even if it was small and he knows I don’t enjoy football and I get it’s a big game for him and things but he could’ve communicated earlier on to keep me aware of what was happening yk