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My boyfriend doesnt fancy me because of what I weigh

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Reply 20

tinkerbellejess

You also can't force him to act like your exes, maybe he's just not that confident with giving compliments?

Reply 21

Insanespana

Anonymous

Right, well, as it says in the title. I know Im overweight- my size 12 clothes have gotten tight, so Im pushing on for a size 14, at 5 foot 2. I'd say I've put on just under half a stone since I've been with my boyfriend.

The thing is, even before I got this bit bigger- I dont think he fancied me much then either. He does love me very much and I love him but Im so hurt over this because how can there be a future if he doesnt really like me in that way.

I always thought everything could be sorted out one way or another if a couple talked about it, so I have tried discussing it a fair few times (before I put on a few pounds too) and he says "your lovely as you are" and "if you want to lose weight yourself, you can do it" which is fine. But he never compliments me, or looks at me appreciatively. I can understand this, but other guys have been way more enthusiastic. I just wish if my boyfriend had never found me that attractive to begin with that he hadnt bothered staying with me because I am so hurt, because I want to be with someone who likes my body, but we love each other :frown:

Its not as simple as losing weight, because in the back of my mind I will always know that he had no interest in me at this size :frown:

He doesnt seem that bothered with having sex anymore, always preferring me to give him oral, and he doesnt want to return the favour, presumably because he thinks Im horrible. In the past he had a fantastic sex life with his ex, which I know because he let a few things slip, so its not like he has a low sex drive- its just me.

We really love each other but I dont know how to cope with this long term. Should I try talking again? What I really, honestly want to say to him is that he doesnt show any lust/hunger in his actions, or verbally, like my exes, but I cant say that because I think its really wrong to compare him to them...what should I say?

Like the other posters have said, if your boyfriend didn't find you attractive he wouldn't be with you. Especially when you first started going out. Are you certain he doesn't fancy you? Has he told you? How do you know that it has anything to do with your weight?

Some guys don't compliment their girlfriends. They just don't seem to think about it. It doens't mean that they don't fancy them, it's just the way some people are.

Anyway, what you have to do is talk to him. You can't have a relationship with you feeling miserable, that's not how they work, no matter how much you love each other. Talk to him about your sex life, talk to him about how he makes you feel. And if you think you're overweight then you loose it for yourself. Not for him, not because you don't feel attractive, but because you want to. Learn to love yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks, or else your low self confidence will just tear you apart.

Reply 22

Anonymous #3

You shouldnt upset yourself over ASSUPTIONS about what your boyfriend is thinking, thats no way to go.

I think the real problem here is how you feel about yourself and your confidence level. If you are over weight, thats not good for a number of reasons; it doesnt look very nice, its bad for your health, it can make you self concious and uncomfortable and this could be coming through to your boyfriend [hence the reluctantcy in sexual situations.]

Maybe you do need to think about getting slimmer and healthier, not for him, but for yourself. If you feel more confident that instintly makes you more attractive. But remember if your boyfriend didnt fancy you then why would he still be with you?

Maybe its time for a change, not just for him but for yourself as well. Do you really want to keep gaining weight?

And I have to say if my boyfriend put on half a stone, I probably wouldnt find him attrative anymore- I would still love him but we cant help what our preferences are. If you love your boyfriend maybe you should do something for him and loose some weight, itll benefit both of you in the long run.

Reply 23

Arteta

Am I the only one who would be quite mad if I had a girlfriend that put on weight?

I mean if you got with a girl who was a bit chubby, then expected her to lose weight then that's unacceptable, but if you liked her weight to begin with, and then she decided she was too comfortable with you and put on weight, then you can't be expected to feel the same way about her. Yet people seem to think that's a criminal offence, to leave a girl because she got fat.

In this instance, if he didn't like you too much to begin with then I don't know how he can complain about anything, you should end this conjecture by actually talking to him and finding out what's the deal. If he isn't attracted to you then it won't work. A relationship needs that.

Reply 24

chloepeters

to be honest, i don't feel he sounds right for you! in my opinion he sounds a bit shallow! have you guys been together long? you said you think that he never fancied you in the first place?? maybe thats a sign! i'm a size 14 and my boyfriend loves me the way i am, we've been together for 2 1/2 years and he's always complimenting me! i think you need to find another guy who actually appreciates you for you!! you need a confidence boost hun!

Reply 25

WhatawickedDJ

I entered this topic thinking you worked for some Columbian cartel and weighed up cocaine for him, which your boyfriend didn't approve of.

I was sorely disappointed.

Reply 26

Ruthy46

I know exactly how u feel as I have same problem myself, my bf never compliments me or seems that interested in sex unless I instigate it first. My exes were opposite to this with me but he really makes me feel dreadful too

Reply 27

oceanspud

Its not your problem girls. Just keep eating and eating and eating and denying its your fault and eventually you will actually start to believe it! positive reinforcement is a powerful thing.

Reply 28

Double Agent

Original post by Ruthy46

Why the hell have you bumped a thread from 2009?

Reply 29

redferry

Original post by x Kris x

I don't think losing the weights the issue here. I mean a 12/14 really isn't very big. And if you're with him for the long term, then you're going to put on weight when you get older/have kids anyway, so the issues not going to go away by losing a bit of weight now.

It can't be very nice being with someone who isn't attracted to you - and if it were me I don't think I could stay with that person. But like Ilora said, make sure you're not just making assumptions about how he feels - because sometimes girls are just overly paranoid about their appearance. I think you need to speak openly to him about it.

At 5ft 2 a size 14 is big, don't make excuses here. I imagine at the moment this girl is pushing the high end of the overweight spectrum towards obese, at least thats what my friend who is 5ft 1 and size 14 is.

OP talk to him and establish if what you have said is true. If it is either lose the weight and fight against your negative thoughts or break up with him, those are the only ways you can be happy.

I know if I got fat my bf wouldn't find me as attractive (I'm sure h would still love me very much) but I don't let that bother me, that's just life. He wouldn't have started dating me if he was attracted to fat people.