The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

You should definitely sit down and talk this over with him properly. You might try staying together when he leaves for his placement and find that it doesn't work out, but at least you'll have tried! It seems absolutely senseless to throw away a relationship without even giving the long distance a go, especially since it could be so much worse than seeing each other every fortnight or so.

Three year anniversary with my boyfriend today we've made it through months and months of 'normal' LDR (being a few hours from each other by train) and four months of barely any contact when he was travelling around Asia and America on a merchant navy ship third year in a row of being apart on our anniversary, unfortunately, but I'm so happy!

How do all of you deal with missing your partner when you're apart?

We're only LDR during uni holidays, which is a better situation than some of you are in, I know. But I'm used to seeing him pretty much every day during term time as we lived in the same block and seeing him is always the highlight of my day then. I've been home from uni for a week and have missed him terribly most of this time. It doesn't help that he doesn't have the internet at home, so we can't use Skype, and mostly keep in touch by text. Phone reception's really bad at his house so his phone doesn't always pick up my texts, and the waiting around for a reply drives me mad sometimes. We have spoken on the phone once since leaving uni which was nice (if a little weird to begin with because we're not used to speaking to each other and not having the other's physical presence there).

I won't be seeing him until 18th July and it feels like such a long time away right now. The other night I missed him particularly badly (and am starting to miss him that much right now, actually) and actually considered just going into town and jumping on a train to where he lives, which is about 4-5 hours away from where I live, before I started thinking rationally and realised that I didn't have enough money to do that. But I was *this* close to doing it, which worried me a bit.

I just really miss having him there, seeing his face, hearing his voice, just talking for ages about anything at all, cuddling up in bed, just doing things together. And I get worried that he can't be missing me this much. I worry about our relationship going wrong a little more than is probably normal, and being this far away from him doesn't help that either.

So......to cut a long story short:

My on/off LDR of 3.5 years looks like it's about to end...we have had a lot of ups and downs but I always loved her and still do, and still believe we can be together...but as we were only seeing each other every ~6 months or so, she decided she had reached her tolerance point and we just weren't seeing each other enough, and wanted to see how things go with another guy who has been after her for over a year, who also doesnt live close to her, but has money to burn so can see her whenever and pay for her flight to see him.

Now I am very tempted, to literally spend £1k on a flight and take a few days off work to see her next week. Firstly to try to show her how much she means to me, and to tell this guy to **** off. He has even sent me very rude emails telling me to stop calling her and calling me very bad names. No way does he deserve her.

Now this woman is someone who I am in love with and am prepared to move countries to be with her. After this I am off course not sure anymore, but I feel as though I need to do something. I know in the long-run the right thing is probably to just leave it, if she wants to be with him then she's not worth it, but I feel like love is something worth fighting for, especially for 'the one', so think I should try anyway, to at least not regret it later...hmmm.

Firstly, we have all had that moment where we have been very tempted to just jump on a train and see them so don't beat yourself up about that.

My main advice is to keep busy, tbh this is how I cope. I tend to go out and see friends, go swimming/to the gym, take up a new hobby. Anything that takes my mind off the fact I'm missing him. I know it seems like ages but its another 2 weeks to go (its definitely relative, 2 weeks for someone is challenging and for another easy so please don't feel I'm having a go), just plan out what you're doing for the next 2 weeks so you're not waiting for a text as that way you'll a) have more to talk about when you do chat and b) it will keep your mind off things. Also if the only contact you have is texts and internet is patchy why not send long emails or even write letters to one another as they can be a nice little surprise to get on the mail

Also feel free to rant and rave in her and the chat thread (in chat section of this forum) as tbh without that I doubt I'd have been able to cope with LDR.

Thanks I don't know why I didn't think to post in here before!

I am trying my best to keep myself busy; I've met up with friends a few times, and have another meet-up planned, and I might also have got a job. It doesn't seem to be stopping me from thinking about stuff completely though. I keep going between thinking "another 2 and a bit weeks, come on, that's not too long, you've done it before" and "2 and a bit weeks is absolutely ages". Right now it's the latter. He's also my best friend and the person I'm closest to out of everyone I know, so I find it especially hard as I miss that as well. At Christmas we didn't see each other for a month, after having seen each other almost every day since meeting at the beginning of October, and that was difficult then, and although we were close then, we were nowhere near as close as we are now so this feels even harder.

I've bought a couple of notecards that I could send, so I might write in one of those later.

We are trying to arrange to see each other as much as possible (after I see him in mid-July I'll see him again at the beginning of August) but my parents are making it a bit difficult - my birthday's in the middle of August and I really want him to come up for that. But I've been asking them to discuss it for ages - nigh on a month - and they still haven't, because of it also being a festival that we often go to that weekend. Now I've been to that festival a lot of times before and it's pretty much the same every year, and I would much rather be at home on my birthday, but they don't seem to have considered that. My parents were once in an LDR themselves so even though they say they understand how I feel, it often feels like they don't. I don't want to annoy them by keeping mentioning it but he needs to know what he's doing as well and it's making me feel a bit edgy because it's not sorted out.

I would leave it a few days then bring it up again and just say that he needs to know for time off work and transport arrangements, hopefully then they wont get too annoyed.

I know how you feel, some days 2 weeks will seem like it will fly by and others it may as well be a year. You just have to stop yourself when you start to doubt and question things as its a slippery slope which distance doesnt help!

So......to cut a long story short:

My on/off LDR of 3.5 years looks like it's about to end...we have had a lot of ups and downs but I always loved her and still do, and still believe we can be together...but as we were only seeing each other every ~6 months or so, she decided she had reached her tolerance point and we just weren't seeing each other enough, and wanted to see how things go with another guy who has been after her for over a year, who also doesnt live close to her, but has money to burn so can see her whenever and pay for her flight to see him.

Now I am very tempted, to literally spend £1k on a flight and take a few days off work to see her next week. Firstly to try to show her how much she means to me, and to tell this guy to **** off. He has even sent me very rude emails telling me to stop calling her and calling me very bad names. No way does he deserve her.

Now this woman is someone who I am in love with and am prepared to move countries to be with her. After this I am off course not sure anymore, but I feel as though I need to do something. I know in the long-run the right thing is probably to just leave it, if she wants to be with him then she's not worth it, but I feel like love is something worth fighting for, especially for 'the one', so think I should try anyway, to at least not regret it later...hmmm.

Jesus.

This is so romantic.

I need to find your girlfriend and force her to get an eye-test.

You sound lovely!

Hehe I need to find her too..been trying to no avail the last few days. She has just started her holidays and I think this guy has taken her somewhere. Honestly, whatever country in the world she is in, I'm going to go to see her, to know for sure one way or another, to move on for good or not. I have a few days off work from Wednesday. Just don't know where she is still working on that

I knew I'd find being apart difficult but not seeing him is making me feel terrible

And I've been trying to do things to keep my mind off it, but whatever I do, it's always just there. Went out with some friends tonight and that should have done it but it didn't. I was alright until halfway through the meet-up when I started to really struggle to keep myself together - I don't think there being two couples there helped at all, really. I feel so pathetic. He surely can't be finding this as painful as I am, which makes me feel a bit worse.

Well, whatever happens, good luck

And, definitely go for it, because otherwise you may be left wondering 'what if?'

I just made a seperate topic...I thought that as well...but this is what happened.