Cant do a relationship long term
(I'm a guy)
I've got it into my head that if I go into a long term relationship, down the line somewhere she'll find someone else and leave me, which will probably destroy me. So instead my genius solution was to ingrain it into my head that none of my relationships should last any longer than 6 months.
I'm pretty sure that it isn't good to keep going on like this, but I just cant see the possibility of a 'and they lived happily ever after' ending ever happening to me. Is there a point in going for a long term relationship?
I've got it into my head that if I go into a long term relationship, down the line somewhere she'll find someone else and leave me, which will probably destroy me. So instead my genius solution was to ingrain it into my head that none of my relationships should last any longer than 6 months.
I'm pretty sure that it isn't good to keep going on like this, but I just cant see the possibility of a 'and they lived happily ever after' ending ever happening to me. Is there a point in going for a long term relationship?
Sounds like a great plan if you want to be lonely and die alone.
Have you ever been in a long term relationship? It's not like talking to a girl on tinder and then all of a sudden she starts ignoring you because some Becks lookalike is flirting with her now. The dynamics are different.
You need to stop being so insecure my friend, otherwise any future relationships you have will fail.
Have you ever been in a long term relationship? It's not like talking to a girl on tinder and then all of a sudden she starts ignoring you because some Becks lookalike is flirting with her now. The dynamics are different.
You need to stop being so insecure my friend, otherwise any future relationships you have will fail.
These things are not worth overthinking - rather, take one things at a time. It's something to think about if/when you find a relationship and it requires you to go long distance.
Your way means you won't get hurt, but you won't have a happy-ever-after either.
Dems the risks.
You decide what's worse, the risk of being hurt or the risk of dying alone.
Dems the risks.
You decide what's worse, the risk of being hurt or the risk of dying alone.
A friend of mine does similar. No experience with actual dating, but has slept with a few girls. He's never straight-up said when stops him from establishing a relationship, but I think it's fear of commitment.
At the end of the day, it's your mindset that is preventing you from establishing something long and fulfilling. With my first relationship I thought to myself it wouldn't last more than a year, in fact I was quite cynical at the start; fast forward three years later and we were still together, and my mindset had gradually changed to "Going with the flow" to "Dedicated to making this work".
If your partner chooses to leave you for someone else, cheat, gets bored etc, that's THEIR problem. As long as YOU put in the effort to make it work, then you've done all you can. Relationships are an experience, and the more experience you have the better. You haven't mentioned actually having been in a relationship, but here's a suggestion; next time you find yourself in one, just roll with it. No time limits. Don't immediately think at six months "Right, time to bail". See how long it lasts. Hell, you may surprise yourself.
At the end of the day, it's your mindset that is preventing you from establishing something long and fulfilling. With my first relationship I thought to myself it wouldn't last more than a year, in fact I was quite cynical at the start; fast forward three years later and we were still together, and my mindset had gradually changed to "Going with the flow" to "Dedicated to making this work".
If your partner chooses to leave you for someone else, cheat, gets bored etc, that's THEIR problem. As long as YOU put in the effort to make it work, then you've done all you can. Relationships are an experience, and the more experience you have the better. You haven't mentioned actually having been in a relationship, but here's a suggestion; next time you find yourself in one, just roll with it. No time limits. Don't immediately think at six months "Right, time to bail". See how long it lasts. Hell, you may surprise yourself.
The longest term relationship i've been in is about a year, after that ive been in 2/3 more which I ended in a short time.
So next time im in a relationship, just let things happen as they do? But at what point do I say 'enough', what if I suspect her of being in love with someone else? what if she cheats on me but says she still loves me? And I dont know if I could deal with the breakup when serious emotions are involved..
So next time im in a relationship, just let things happen as they do? But at what point do I say 'enough', what if I suspect her of being in love with someone else? what if she cheats on me but says she still loves me? And I dont know if I could deal with the breakup when serious emotions are involved..
Original post by Anonymous
The longest term relationship i've been in is about a year, after that ive been in 2/3 more which I ended in a short time.
So next time im in a relationship, just let things happen as they do? But at what point do I say 'enough', what if I suspect her of being in love with someone else? what if she cheats on me but says she still loves me? And I dont know if I could deal with the breakup when serious emotions are involved..
So next time im in a relationship, just let things happen as they do? But at what point do I say 'enough', what if I suspect her of being in love with someone else? what if she cheats on me but says she still loves me? And I dont know if I could deal with the breakup when serious emotions are involved..
You're assuming that your partner will fall in love with someone else, so the ultimate question is; why? Do you not believe in yourself, the value you have to offer to someone's life?
Relationships are just a ride fulls of ups and downs, and is a constant learning experience. Setting an expiration date or expecting the worst is only going to do one thing, and that's set it up for failure. It's better to go with the flow, enjoying the good moments whilst conquering and learning from the bad. That way whether it be your next relationship or three relationships later, you're equipped with experience and knowledge to make it last.
Breakups are emotionally challenging, but given time and space one's heart does heal. Is it worth the risk of going through that pain to experience love?
Personally, I think it is.
In all honesty, I don't believe in myself. I don't see why someone would settle for me when there are so many better alternatives out there.
Original post by Anonymous
In all honesty, I don't believe in myself. I don't see why someone would settle for me when there are so many better alternatives out there.
I'm a stranger on the internet. I believe in you.
Go forth and enjoy relationships, my friend.
You've had multiple, that's testament to the fact that you can do it if you set your mind to it. thank you. Ill let life take its course, next relationship i'm in I wont set a time limit on it.Original post by Anonymous thank you. Ill let life take its course, next relationship i'm in I wont set a time limit on it.
thank you. Ill let life take its course, next relationship i'm in I wont set a time limit on it.Good man. Honestly, let me know how things go. Always great to hear a success story!
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