I told my boyfriend (of 2 years on and off) that I didn't like his attitude, he said stay away then and I've not heard off him for 2 weeks. I told him this as I felt he was criticising and putting me down a lot. He uses the words 'abnormal' 'oddball' and has said that Ive not been brought up right, that Ive been sheltered and pampered etc. He said that I'm not assertive as I've been pampered all my life in front of others and that was when I told him that I didn't like his attitude. It also feels a lot of the time that I can't have an intellectual conversation/discussion without it ending in him saying '********' or ' you think like a 12 year old'. He said to me that I seem to think like a 12/14 year old and that when he's with me he has to bring himself down to my level. I get angry at his comments but don't show it. when I defend myself he just points out how I sound like a 12 year old.
The other side of this is the fact that I have faults/weaknesses. I've always been very quiet, found it hard to make friends and as a result have never had a social life or people to go out with. I've had the odd drink and odd date but I've never experienced a regular night life, holidays with friends or 'experimented with guys' as my bf puts it. I just focused on my hobby of keeping fit. I also don't have the urge to have sex. I can get turned on but not by intercourse (I guess I have a fetish tho not told him), we have tried sex several times but it has hurt and we have stopped. He says I'm not interested and am frigid. I also don't like kissing (though do a little to please him). He also says I'm not touchy feely, am a cold person and have no passion. So these things will understandably affect the relationship as he understandably wants sex. It has caused him to break up with me several times on and off.
It is not just the things he says to me though, I feel I can't have a proper discussion with him as he has strong opinions. He has admitted that he is homophobic (maybe to do with his generation he's quite a bit older) and says that he doesn't respect people who are not athletes (he is athletic himself) If an overweight person walks by he will often make a rude comment about their size.
I wondered if he has elements of narcissism in him so looked up the traits of it lol. He does fit some characteristics but then I also realised that so do I. Ive always got easily offended and secretly angry at criticism (my family have said so) and I wondered if this has affected things. Is it me that is being too easily offended by what he says. What he says does have truth. I am abnormal in that Ive not been a girly girl who has had friends, I'm not social, don't like sex, am very quiet and appear very unasserive and unfeminine (the latter he has pointed out many times). I do still live with parents for financial reasons. My bf told me that his friend thinks it's weird that I've never had holidays with friends etc and that I need to move out of home. He said that a woman said that its a shame for me that it's a waste of life (I can believe this as I know the woman).
So part of me thinks that he is trying to put me down/control/criticises too much but then the other part of me wonders if I'm being over sensitive and that he is right in most of what he is saying. He does have a strong character, is he simply trying to motivate in his own (harsh) way)? Besides his seemingly abusive tendencies am I in denial that Ive been pampered/never grown up (I am an only child) and there's really something wrong with me. Currently I feel fairly content within myself (I have a degree and hobby) although I recognise my life hasn't been as full as others and that I could do with getting out more. But is it more serious than this, do I really have problems as my bf seems to indicate? I just wanted advice, I'm confused with this being my first proper relationship.