The 'How to Approach Random Girls in the Street' Thread

I have been approached on the street many -many- times.
The only reason it happens so much is that I live in a high density city and walk around alone alot (cheapest form of transport yo).

Many methods have been tried, only two have ever gained my number. When someone approaches me on the street and tries to chat me up, I think they only want sex. Even if they did genuinely really wish they knew me, I treat them as though that is all they want (rejecting them as politely but firmly as I can; I've gotten better at this - the firmness/politeness balance. I used to be way too polite and it would take me too long to make them leave me alone, but I'm still never mean or cruel).

To start conversations I've had people:
- ask for directions, the time or if I was lost
- dropped things near me so I picked them up for them
- ask where I got my socks/dress/hat because they like it
- ask about the art I am looking at
- say they recognised me/asked if they knew me
- tell me I looked sad/asked if I was okay
- wake me up at the last stop on the train (oops)

All of these work in a sense, I think they just have a genuine enquiry and that is the reason they approach me. But when they stay with me, follow me, start complimenting my appearance and asking to get a coffee or my phone number, I no longer trust them and believe they just want sex.

Things that don't even come close to working:

- Pulling up and asking if I want a lift in their car. No Mr. Stranger, I don't care that you're a similar age to me.

- Saying "I've been watching you".
It doesn't seem sexy or romantic, it is creepy. Extremely. Creepy. By watching you, I mean over an undisclosed lengthy period of time, they tell me the streets they have seen me frequently walking on and tell me they have been trying to work out why I go to certain areas (why do you travel there? do you work/study there? visit family?) and where my house is (where do you live? ... Yeah, I know you live in that area (), I mean which street specifically?). This isn't even an isolated event, four separate men have told me this. Thank goodness they seem harmless and three of them never could work out where I live (happened to all be in their early 20s too). The fourth did figure it out... He approached me when I was literally right next to my house and struck up conversation. Then he asked where I lived, I hesitated for a moment thinking '****... can I lie and then continue walking and wait around the corner for him to leave so I can come back to my house?' I was really tired at the time and aware I had been hesitating too long, so I just said 'Uh... well, right here actually'. He smiled broadly and said something along the lines of: "Hah. I knew that, I've been watching you. I've seen you walking these streets. I just wanted to see if you would tell me the truth or not... So, still sure you don't want to get a drink sometime?" Luckily when I was firm and polite with him, he just understood and I haven't seen him again. Otherwise I'd be calling the police, but I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
One of them also asked me why I was always walking everywhere, and said he really wanted to see me getting the bus tomorrow. Made me feel very uncomfortable. He tried to make me accept him topping up my Oyster card but of course I refused. Luckily only one of these four men has spoken to me more than once, but they seem to understand and get the idea that I'm not interested - after trying as hard as they could when they finally did decide to approach me.

- Saying please repeatedly after they have been rejected, it's actually scary and makes me feel very uncomfortable.

- Following me despite being told repeatedly that I don't want to give my number/meet up/be friends, for between 5-20 minutes, while I'm trying to walk somewhere... getting faster to try and make them leave my side, while they're still just trying to reason with/persuade me. This has happened tens of times, literally.

- If the girl says no, then no again, then keeps saying "I don't talk/give my number to strangers", repeatedly replying with "But everyone is a stranger at first! I'm a really nice/friendly/genuine guy!" isn't going to work. The girl is just trying to say 'I'm not interested, go away now' without being rude. This has also happened tens of times, I only revert to saying this when nothing else seems to be working, because saying this never works to make them go away faster for me. -.-"


I could go on forever, I have far too many stories to tell, but I guess I'll leave it at that. Didn't even get to the success stories but it's been 3/4 of an hour lol.

X

I have been approached on the street many -many- times.
The only reason it happens so much is that I live in a high density city and walk around alone alot (cheapest form of transport yo).

Many methods have been tried, only two have ever gained my number. When someone approaches me on the street and tries to chat me up, I think they only want sex. Even if they did genuinely really wish they knew me, I treat them as though that is all they want (rejecting them as politely but firmly as I can; I've gotten better at this - the firmness/politeness balance. I used to be way too polite and it would take me too long to make them leave me alone, but I'm still never mean or cruel).

To start conversations I've had people:
- ask for directions, the time or if I was lost
- dropped things near me so I picked them up for them
- ask where I got my socks/dress/hat because they like it
- ask about the art I am looking at
- say they recognised me/asked if they knew me
- tell me I looked sad/asked if I was okay
- wake me up at the last stop on the train (oops)

All of these work in a sense, I think they just have a genuine enquiry and that is the reason they approach me. But when they stay with me, follow me, start complimenting my appearance and asking to get a coffee or my phone number, I no longer trust them and believe they just want sex.

Things that don't even come close to working:

- Pulling up and asking if I want a lift in their car. No Mr. Stranger, I don't care that you're a similar age to me.

- Saying "I've been watching you".
It doesn't seem sexy or romantic, it is creepy. Extremely. Creepy. By watching you, I mean over an undisclosed lengthy period of time, they tell me the streets they have seen me frequently walking on and tell me they have been trying to work out why I go to certain areas (why do you travel there? do you work/study there? visit family?) and where my house is (where do you live? ... Yeah, I know you live in that area (), I mean which street specifically?). This isn't even an isolated event, four separate men have told me this. Thank goodness they seem harmless and three of them never could work out where I live (happened to all be in their early 20s too). The fourth did figure it out... He approached me when I was literally right next to my house and struck up conversation. Then he asked where I lived, I hesitated for a moment thinking '****... can I lie and then continue walking and wait around the corner for him to leave so I can come back to my house?' I was really tired at the time and aware I had been hesitating too long, so I just said 'Uh... well, right here actually'. He smiled broadly and said something along the lines of: "Hah. I knew that, I've been watching you. I've seen you walking these streets. I just wanted to see if you would tell me the truth or not... So, still sure you don't want to get a drink sometime?" Luckily when I was firm and polite with him, he just understood and I haven't seen him again. Otherwise I'd be calling the police, but I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
One of them also asked me why I was always walking everywhere, and said he really wanted to see me getting the bus tomorrow. Made me feel very uncomfortable. He tried to make me accept him topping up my Oyster card but of course I refused. Luckily only one of these four men has spoken to me more than once, but they seem to understand and get the idea that I'm not interested - after trying as hard as they could when they finally did decide to approach me.

- Saying please repeatedly after they have been rejected, it's actually scary and makes me feel very uncomfortable.

- Following me despite being told repeatedly that I don't want to give my number/meet up/be friends, for between 5-20 minutes, while I'm trying to walk somewhere... getting faster to try and make them leave my side, while they're still just trying to reason with/persuade me. This has happened tens of times, literally.

- If the girl says no, then no again, then keeps saying "I don't talk/give my number to strangers", repeatedly replying with "But everyone is a stranger at first! I'm a really nice/friendly/genuine guy!" isn't going to work. The girl is just trying to say 'I'm not interested, go away now' without being rude. This has also happened tens of times, I only revert to saying this when nothing else seems to be working, because saying this never works to make them go away faster for me. -.-"


I could go on forever, I have far too many stories to tell, but I guess I'll leave it at that. Didn't even get to the success stories but it's been 3/4 of an hour lol.

Excuse me for saying this, but you're rather feminist with this whole "if a guy approaches me, he wants to make babies with me" view and it really isn't a desirable characteristic. I appreciate that quite a few guys may have bad intentions, but when they're starting out, they're not directly working towards getting into your pants. As someone who honestly has good intentions when approaching a girl, it's rather disheartening to see this sort of mindset, especially as I honestly look to make a good impression and that could easily be disregarded because of a girl's feminism.

Please don't take this personally! I just think you could be a bit more open-minded. And if you were approached by me, I assure you that open-mindedness would be rewarded.

Wow...you must be very attractive to get that much attention

Excuse me for saying this, but you're rather feminist with this whole "if a guy approaches me, he wants to make babies with me" view and it really isn't a desirable characteristic. I appreciate that quite a few guys may have bad intentions, but when they're starting out, they're not directly working towards getting into your pants. As someone who honestly has good intentions when approaching a girl, it's rather disheartening to see this sort of mindset, especially as I honestly look to make a good impression and that could easily be disregarded because of a girl's feminism.

Please don't take this personally! I just think you could be a bit more open-minded. And if you were approached by me, I assure you that open-mindedness would be rewarded.

Become a chugger! Easiest way to chat up girls in the street!

I've had the typical lines - commenting on something I'm wearing, "Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?" etc. The best one was:

Guy: "Hi, I'm [name], I'm young, rich and single, you?"
Me: "I'm not rich but I am young and single."
Guy: "Why is a beautiful girl like you single?! Two singletons, we could be friends, I think you and I should go for a drink sometime..."

I don't care that it's false flattery, I like it! I absolutely love random chats with strangers, so long as they're friendly and jovial and not really insistent. I rate that a guy's got enough gumption to go up to a girl in the street, and, if nothing else, I enjoy having a bit of a chat, it brightens up my day, so I'll chat to anybody really.

London
I'm really not. I was bullied throughout high school for being ugly and was still considered so during sixth form (just not bullied about it).
I am unusual looking though, I suppose there is something 'exotic' about me. People have thought I was Italian, Spanish, French, Jewish, Iranian and Bengali in the past (I am half Greek and half Irish/Scottish/English). I'm not conventionally attractive.



No offense taken, I had actually been thinking about this over the last couple of days and talked to a girl friend too (before seeing this post). You're right, although this makes me sad... I shouldn't be like that. I didn't used to be.
Well, except you don't mean feminist. The true definition of feminism is the belief that women are equal to men, all decent people should be feminists. What you mean is extremist feminist/sexist against men, which I don't like either.

I was trying to think of why this is; if a guy approaches me within university or a social gathering with friends of friends, I don't think that at all. Just because they're on the street I think their intentions must be entirely base.

Then I remembered three ocassions... Men approached me (one middle aged/50s maybe, two early twenties), said hello, started talking, were persistant after I wouldn't give them my number, tried to persuade me in every way they could and with every kind of logic. Then when everything seemed to have failed and they had been following me for something like 15 minutes, they said "I have money", "I can pay you", "I'll pay". One of them then actually -rattled change in his pocket-.
I don't know how to describe how I felt, I couldn't sleep or eat for days afterwards because I was just disgusted with being human at all. I don't see anyone else as their physical body, I just genuinely see everyone as a person. So I suppose when a guy approaches me on appearance alone, I feel edgy now.

I also recently had a guy make me feel very uncomfortable. He started following me, in the usual way, trying to strike up friendly conversation and get my number. I tried to be polite but still firm, he was persistent and had followed me for quite a long time. His tone then became slightly annoyed because it was clear I didn't want him to be talking to me, and then it became what I felt was menacing:
"You do know it is your fault, right?"
The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Me: ... What?
Him: It is your fault. Everyone who sees you will either follow you, or want to follow you. And it's your fault.
Me: *feeling freaked out... since people do follow me alot* What do you mean, why?
Him: You just have to walk past and what do you expect? It is your fault.
Me: But but... I don't dress provocatively or wear make up, I don't flirt with anyone, why are you saying that?
Him: It's just true.

"Fault", like he was saying it is a bad thing - people hounding me, but it was my fault so I would just have to live with it and give in to it, stop punishing them by rejecting because it's not their fault.

I frosted him out after that, he kept talking anyway saying 'Okay, well, if you don't want to talk then I will just tell you about myself, because I really am a nice guy.' I found out he goes to my university... : |
They all say 'I'm a nice guy! Don't be scared. It's not like that, I just want to you know - chat, be friends?'.

But, just because some are creeps - doesn't mean all are, how else are they supposed to get to know a girl they see who they think looks interesting and pretty? They just all say such similar things... If someone says "You're very pretty/beautiful", they're saying the same thing as the scumbag who rattled change at me. But there's probably more to it than that too, see success stories for a clearer idea.


I had kind of (consciously) forgotten those guys. But I think/hope most other girls don't think like me really.


My main advice is just really really don't be persistant on the street. If she is clearly not interested she just isn't and being persistant will probably scare her/make her nervous of men.




Not at all.
It's precisely because appearance matters so little to me that I get so freaked out. They're approaching me purely on appearance, which I could never do in the opposite direction - it is essential I know a person before I can find them attractive, and I'm not just saying that. I don't have a type or anything like that, all people have attractive features in different ways: there are very few people that are really -universally- considered ugly. The only things that are ugly are extreme health problems. If I get to know a person and really like them as a person, our personalities match well, I think they are very pretty too - I see all my close friends as beautiful and they're all very different appearance wise.



The success stories:

Ocassions where what I would call 'normal conversation' was maintained for much longer than things that might be considered 'chat up' style conversation. If someone showers me with compliments, then they're trying to persuade me, gain something from me that I might not want to give - and if someone is trying to coerce, it feels wrong and not genuine.
The first time: I was sitting on the top deck of a night bus, the only person there sitting at the front window. A guy in his early twenties came and sat at the front too, but not next to me. He struck up conversation by asking why I was on a night bus alone, we got talking and he asked if he could move over, I said okay. He was heading to the same place because he was house sitting for someone, he'd just got off a shift at work. We talked about music, dress sense, work and social lives. He was friendly but it didn't feel fake, I felt at ease. Like he might have started talking because he thought I was pretty (although he hadn't said yet), but he stayed talking because of the company. Eventually he asked if I had a boyfriend, I didn't at the time, he seemed genuinely surprised and then complimented my appearance. I did just feel good and flattered, not like he was possibly only saying that. He was what I would say was a fairly ordinary looking guy, he didn't have any unusual features I guess.
Second time: I was viewing places to rent in Peckham and looking for one on 'Pump Lane' but I was lost. I saw a group of guys standing around, went up and asked. One of them said "Pump Lane? Yeah I know where that is... my bedroom!"
So lame, but I couldn't help laughing a bit hah. Then I said thanks anyway and walked off. He appeared on a bicycle a little bit later (lolwut.. where'd he get a bike?) and apologised, saying he would like to help me if he could because he knows a lot of people in the area. He rode alongside looking, we passed a couple of people he knew and he asked them, they didn't know either. He talked to me about the area and why I was moving there. Eventually he asked me a couple of things about myself, I felt comfortable at this point, then he complimented my appearance and we talked for a bit more until he asked for my number.
He was a year younger than me, significantly overweight and had a shaved head. Probably not most people's idea of attractive usually.

Although this doesn't really apply here because it's a... different kind of situation and they weren't trying to 'pull' I might as well include the third time I gave my number out:
I was sitting on a train, the KCL rugby team got on, they had just won a game. They sat nearby, I saw them whispering to each other a bit. Then one of them stepped foward towards me and started singing. Before I knew it I was being serenaded by the entire team. Then they started talking to me about various things: university, where I was traveling to, they liked my hat. Eventually they asked me to come back to the SU with them to celebrate, I was still hesitant because they -were- strangers even though they were the KCL rugby team and they seemed friendly enough. One of them got down on one knee and begged me, it was so ridiculous I couldn't help laugh and accept. Hung out for the evening, then I left early. Exchanged numbers with several of them so that they could make sure I could call them if I needed to/was having trouble getting home. : ]

No offense taken, I had actually been thinking about this over the last couple of days and talked to a girl friend too (before seeing this post). You're right, although this makes me sad... I shouldn't be like that. I didn't used to be.
Well, except you don't mean feminist. The true definition of feminism is the belief that women are equal to men, all decent people should be feminists. What you mean is extremist feminist/sexist against men, which I don't like either.

I was trying to think of why this is; if a guy approaches me within university or a social gathering with friends of friends, I don't think that at all. Just because they're on the street I think their intentions must be entirely base.

Then I remembered three ocassions... Men approached me (one middle aged/50s maybe, two early twenties), said hello, started talking, were persistant after I wouldn't give them my number, tried to persuade me in every way they could and with every kind of logic. Then when everything seemed to have failed and they had been following me for something like 15 minutes, they said "I have money", "I can pay you", "I'll pay". One of them then actually -rattled change in his pocket-.
I don't know how to describe how I felt, I couldn't sleep or eat for days afterwards because I was just disgusted with being human at all. I don't see anyone else as their physical body, I just genuinely see everyone as a person. So I suppose when a guy approaches me on appearance alone, I feel edgy now.

I also recently had a guy make me feel very uncomfortable. He started following me, in the usual way, trying to strike up friendly conversation and get my number. I tried to be polite but still firm, he was persistent and had followed me for quite a long time. His tone then became slightly annoyed because it was clear I didn't want him to be talking to me, and then it became what I felt was menacing:
"You do know it is your fault, right?"
The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Me: ... What?
Him: It is your fault. Everyone who sees you will either follow you, or want to follow you. And it's your fault.
Me: *feeling freaked out... since people do follow me alot* What do you mean, why?
Him: You just have to walk past and what do you expect? It is your fault.
Me: But but... I don't dress provocatively or wear make up, I don't flirt with anyone, why are you saying that?
Him: It's just true.

"Fault", like he was saying it is a bad thing - people hounding me, but it was my fault so I would just have to live with it and give in to it, stop punishing them by rejecting because it's not their fault.

I frosted him out after that, he kept talking anyway saying 'Okay, well, if you don't want to talk then I will just tell you about myself, because I really am a nice guy.' I found out he goes to my university... : |
They all say 'I'm a nice guy! Don't be scared. It's not like that, I just want to you know - chat, be friends?'.

But, just because some are creeps - doesn't mean all are, how else are they supposed to get to know a girl they see who they think looks interesting and pretty? They just all say such similar things... If someone says "You're very pretty/beautiful", they're saying the same thing as the scumbag who rattled change at me. But there's probably more to it than that too, see success stories for a clearer idea.


I had kind of (consciously) forgotten those guys. But I think/hope most other girls don't think like me really.


My main advice is just really really don't be persistant on the street. If she is clearly not interested she just isn't and being persistant will probably scare her/make her nervous of men.

I think the aim is to just enjoy yourself and be spontaneous. I want to be at the point where I can casually ask a girl what she thinks of the guy playing the drum in the club or what cocktail she's drinking as it looks cool. I try to ask questions that I'm generally interested in hearing the answer to rather than just firing off a compliment and then waiting until I can say "Can I have your number?".

By coming into it with a mindset of "I must pull" you are just putting additional pressure on yourself, which won't help things.

Now, I've no idea what it must be like to be an attractive woman who is approached all the time, but if I come over and I'm polite and she rejects me instantly because she is terrified that I am trying to get her into bed or God forbid, get her number, then big deal. It's her loss and you can't please everyone, just give them your best wishes and get on your way onto someone more appreciative innit.

I'll tell you what works, this guy came up to me in the street today and said he'd seen me walk past him just before and he'd come over to say hi because he thought I was beautiful he got my number for that.

This thread is hilarious, but op I was so hoping you'd actually post videos of you trying all these ideas out.

A similar thing happened to me :-) So did anything happen with the guy, did you meet up with him again etc?

METHOD #98 The asker of directions

This is a great way to talk to someone without freaking them out. Its socially acceptable to talk to strangers in two situations (according to Michael Mcintyre). The first being to ask the time. The second is when you are asking for directions. This technique focuses on the 2nd.

Guy (notices hot girl in a public place). Approaches her from the front with a friendly smile
You: Excuse me do you know how to get to [Insert bull**** place you don't really want to go to]
Girl: Yeah what you wanna do is take a left at BLAH BLAH BLAH
Guy (pretend to listen, maybe even nod and ask the occasional question to make it look realistic- keep eye contact (not creepy))
Guy: Thanks a lot
Girl: Its ok (turns to walk away)
Guy: Oh one more thing. I didn't actually stop you to ask you directions, I just wanted an excuse to talk to you as I think you look amazing/beautiful
Girl: Reeeeaally??
Guy:

See with this technique the girl isn't freaked out by your approach as she wasn't expecting it. She was already comfortable talking to you as she had already spoken to you for a moment previously.

This is all theory of course. Hasn't yet been tested... O_O