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Anybody else bothered by their partners past relationships?

Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I don't know why but his past really bothers me, it never use to but recently I seem to be thinking about it a lot, it just makes me feel really crap and upset. I don't understand why I have no right to be upset but it bothers me so much.

My main issue with it is that I worry he will compare me, he says he doesn't because im a different person but recently hes just stopped being passionate with me. He seems to find sex a chore, he hasn't actually touched me in ages. There is also nothing unique to me and him I was a virgin when I met him whereas he clearly wasn't he has done everything sexual ive tried to suggest things we could do that be unique to us as a couple in the bedroom department ie, I once tried to suggest maybe going away for a dirty weekend, he said he cant be bothered. Yet he took 2 of his ex girlfriends on dirty weekends, but he refuses to with me. He did things with an ex which were adventurous and when I have suggested we did it again he refuses saying he had done it. He has slept with a woman who was over 20 years older than him, about 6 one night stands slept with lots of girls on holiday and had 2 long time girlfirneds. Our sex life just seems to be so boring like hes done everything and been adventurous with girls before and now he just cant be bothered with me.

I

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Sorry I posted it before I finished. It just makes me feel really insecure upset and I just feel im never going to live up to these woman. Am I the only one who is bothered by their partners past and how can I stop it making me feel insecure and pretty ****

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Hey,

Firstly, our not alone! Im exactly the same. Ive only ver had one boyfriend prior to my current boyfriend, yet it wasnt a sexual relationship, so i lost my virgnity to my current boyfriend. Hes the only guy ive been with.

On the other hand, hes had about 10 different girlfriends, taken several girls virginities- every position hes done already.

He never ever compliments me, all his ex girlfriends are gorgeous size 8 girls and im size 12-14 and ugly. It really gets me down and I always feel like im not good enough for him.

Weve spoken about it a lot, and at the end of the day the past is the past and you cant change it, just learn to accept it.

Your boyfriend does sound a bit odd though- the lack of passion and refusing to go away with you?? You really need to talk to him!

Reply 3

deedee123

Well i think everyone gets a little jealous but it didn't bother me that much. Ask your boyfriend about it?

Reply 4

tibbles209

Retroactive jealousy is remarkably common in relationships, particularly among people who are with their first parter, but whose partner has previous experience. It sounds like this may be stemming from an overall dissatisfaction with your relationship, leading you to compare it unfavourably with his previous relationships. You really need to talk to your boyfriend about what you are not happy about in your relationship, trying not to make comparisons with his past as this may make him defensive. Please do make sure that you never blame him for having a past, or try to make him feel guilty and he has truly done nothing wrong, however it is quite understandable (if unproductive) that the problems in your relationship are making you compare yourself to his exes.

Reply 5

HibbsicleBean19

I get the same sometimes, I've only been with my boyfriend for around 9 months but him and his ex were together for 2 years. If I see old pictures of them together I can't help comparing myself to her and thinking: "Is he really happier with me? She is a lot prettier than I am, do we really work as well as they did?" I get really insecure and have to kind of get reassurance from him somehow. Then i remind myself that he chose me. He wanted me. He loves me. Not her anymore.
Also, I'm kinda the opposite of you OP in that my boyfriend hadn't really done anything anymore adventurous than just plain sex with the ex but him and I have done some more adventurous things together (this sounds really weird, it's not that bad, I promise!). :tongue:

He has told me things he didn't tell her. :smile:

We all feel insecure sometimes.

Reply 6

GrazzleDazzle

OP you're very lucky. He's stopped being so boystrous and probably wants to chill and settle down. So many women will envy you now!

Reply 7

Alpharius

He's with you now. You won.

I couldn't give a damn about their past as long as it doesn't come back to bite during the relationship. The past is the past.

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