Easing break ups with new relationships
Does having a queue of potential new partners ease the pain of break up? You know the type of girl (and I guess guy) who has a number of people just wondering if they will come on the market again, ready to pounce..
I have not been in this fortunate position but feel it might lessen the angst - as a minimum by maintaining you ego and also avoiding a sudden and possibly protracted period of sexual abstinence. Or is it in reality all just extra complication at a time of pain?
I have not been in this fortunate position but feel it might lessen the angst - as a minimum by maintaining you ego and also avoiding a sudden and possibly protracted period of sexual abstinence. Or is it in reality all just extra complication at a time of pain?
If you're the one who got dumped, no. Because these other people aren't the person you want. So then you have to deal with the horrible feeling of guilt when you turn someone down, which can often lead to the loss of a friend (although how much of a friend they were, if they were just waiting in the wings is debatable).
Original post by syrettd
If you're the one who got dumped, no. Because these other people aren't the person you want. So then you have to deal with the horrible feeling of guilt when you turn someone down, which can often lead to the loss of a friend (although how much of a friend they were, if they were just waiting in the wings is debatable).
See your point. Mind you I don't think 'waiting in the wings' always denotes poor friendship. For me a relationship can be a logical extension of friendship.
Original post by Zarek
See your point. Mind you I don't think 'waiting in the wings' always denotes poor friendship. For me a relationship can be a logical extension of friendship.
I had a guy who became my friend a few months after I got with my ex. When I broke up with my ex two years later, he immediately asked me out. When it became apparent I wasn't interested, he pretty much made it clear he was only around for the possibility of something between us.
Guys like him are rare, but sadly there are a few of them like that.
Original post by syrettd
I had a guy who became my friend a few months after I got with my ex. When I broke up with my ex two years later, he immediately asked me out. When it became apparent I wasn't interested, he pretty much made it clear he was only around for the possibility of something between us.
Guys like him are rare, but sadly there are a few of them like that.
Guys like him are rare, but sadly there are a few of them like that.
Yep, on reflection it can be difficult if after a long period of anticipation your dreams do not come to fruition. I have behaved badly in a similar situation!
Apparently rebounds do help to get over a relationship though, even if you're the one being dumped, it's a closure thing I think
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No offence to anyone but, I am just wondering maybe I am an odd type. I don't understand why people can't take full responsibility for their relationships and take time out to not date until they are ready again. Rather than using rebounding and committing with many people in order to get by quicker (but if its just sex no attachments or agreed up front casual dating no problem with that). Maybe someone can shed some light and maybe this is why I have had one or two very painful break ups which took a lot of time to heal, I am not sure.
(edited 9 years ago)
After a stressful break-up with a long(ish)-term partner I went out and had a ONS. It actually made me feel much worse. Even as we were doing it I vividly remember thinking "you're not who I want to be with right now". Then it just became clear we were only using each other for sex and it all seemed very depressing.
But I'm sure other people handle rebound flings differently. If it's more of a relationship I think it's important to let the other person know that you've recently broken up with someone. It won't improve your chances with them but it is treating them with fairness.
But I'm sure other people handle rebound flings differently. If it's more of a relationship I think it's important to let the other person know that you've recently broken up with someone. It won't improve your chances with them but it is treating them with fairness.
Original post by marinajelly
Apparently rebounds do help to get over a relationship though, even if you're the one being dumped, it's a closure thing I think
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Trust me, they don't. They only delay an impending pain. I know some people who are always rebounding, you begin to wonder whether they ever had feelings for their previous partners. Rebounding is just a selfish way to attempt to heal. It's unfair on the other person, assuming they're also not rebounding. I've been a "victim" of it and promised myself I'd never do that to someone else.
I think the most important thing is to be up front with someone if its at least semi-serious and take responsibility for where you are, I mean I have even been burned badly once before like the person above, it is horrible. ONS/ casual fun I don't have any problems with at all its part of the deal.
I agree with you I think people handle it differently as some people are out of a relationship and get with someone quickly and stay together for decades so it must be genuine (or very lucky) personally would never do that to someone else (use someone long term) but I realise that there will always be that fraction of the public who are looking for rebound relationships and comfort, so lessons learned are of solid worth. I always thought rebounds were a selfish way of healing quicker too but have never thought of them being a delay of unbearable pain but the people I have seen never seem to be completely fixed about that person even after years
I agree with you I think people handle it differently as some people are out of a relationship and get with someone quickly and stay together for decades so it must be genuine (or very lucky) personally would never do that to someone else (use someone long term) but I realise that there will always be that fraction of the public who are looking for rebound relationships and comfort, so lessons learned are of solid worth. I always thought rebounds were a selfish way of healing quicker too but have never thought of them being a delay of unbearable pain but the people I have seen never seem to be completely fixed about that person even after years
I think the most important thing is to be up front with someone if its at least semi-serious and take responsibility for where you are, I mean I have even been burned badly once before like the person above, it is horrible. ONS/ casual fun I don't have any problems with at all its part of the deal.
I agree with you I think people handle it differently as some people are out of a relationship and get with someone quickly and stay together for decades so it must be genuine (or very lucky) personally would never do that to someone else (use someone long term) but I realise that there will always be that fraction of the public who are looking for rebound relationships and comfort, so lessons learned are of solid worth. I always thought rebounds were a selfish way of healing quicker too but have never thought of them being a delay of unbearable pain but the people I have seen never seem to be completely fixed about that person even after years
I agree with you I think people handle it differently as some people are out of a relationship and get with someone quickly and stay together for decades so it must be genuine (or very lucky) personally would never do that to someone else (use someone long term) but I realise that there will always be that fraction of the public who are looking for rebound relationships and comfort, so lessons learned are of solid worth. I always thought rebounds were a selfish way of healing quicker too but have never thought of them being a delay of unbearable pain but the people I have seen never seem to be completely fixed about that person even after years
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